Hello, I broke up with my boyfriend of 3½ years a few weeks ago. I am 19 and he is 23. I initially said that I wanted a break because I wasn't sure what I wanted at the moment - if I wanted to be in a relationship or if I just wanted to be by myself. He kept texting me and asking me if he was going to lose me, and I kept saying I don't know I just want to be by myself for now. I felt like he wanted an answer then and there and I couldn't give him one, so I said it was best if we just broke up because I didn't know what I wanted and it wasn't fair to keep him trailing along until I decided what I really want.
I know this must be really hard for him and I feel so bad for making him hurt. I know what it feels like to hurt so much - when I was 15 (young, I know), I found out my boyfriend had been cheating on me with our manager who was married. That was a real shock and I didn't know how to cope. I did get through it though and I was stronger because of it.
Back to the story... I am 19 and young and I felt like our relationship was just like an old married couple. We hardly ever did any together, we just usually went to eachothers house and watched dvds/tv. This annoyed me because I felt that we should be doing more things as a couple like going to the movies or going for a drive or even travelling... but he didn't want to do any of these things because he said he was always tired.
Another reason I broke it off was because I thought about us in the future and I was worrying because I knew that I wanted to travel and see the world and see new things and experience all the things that life has to offer, but when I asked him if he'd like to travel he said no he wasn't interested. I felt that in the future we would be doing different things and this worried me. He seemed to want to sit home during the day and play on the computer or watch dvds, but I liked to get out and do things.
I feel like I've lost my friend and hurt him so much and I wish I could be there for him but I can't under the circumstances. He says that he will change and we will do more things and he will travel with me, but I feel that he is just saying that now and that it isn't what he really wants to do.. and he is just saying it because he wants to get back with me.
He keeps saying that I don't want to try and work things out and that I'm not even giving him a chance. But I would try and work things out if that was the only problem, but I think how I would feel if we got back together and I still feel unsure.. like something is telling me or giving me the feeling that I have done the right thing (as hard as it is to accept it). It would be so easy to go back to the way things were, probably because I was comfortable with that and that is what I was used to. I have gone to my phone so many times to text him and say I miss him.. but I think "why am I doing this?" and then I don't do it.
Lots of people have said that I can do better than him and be treated better and he thinks that I have been influenced by what people have said to me. It is hard yeah, but if I was influenced by what people said to me, I would have left him a while ago. I know that I can be treated better and sometimes I wished he did treat me more like a 'princess', but I guess you can't always get what you want.
I also felt that we had different views on things. For example, I show more respect for people, but his attitude is "if they treat me like s*** then ill treat them like s***", and things like that got to me. I felt that he often put what he wanted to do first.. like what would make him happy, whereas I think about what will make people happy and then I do things.
We met online and it is really hard because I go online often but it reminds me of him. I enjoy chatting to people generally but then it makes me miss him. Some days I miss him, other days I think "I'm ok on my own.. I'll get through this.. there is so much to look forward to in life".
I said to him I wanted to be friends but I think that was selfish on my behalf because its just a way to keep him in my life, so we both agreed we cant be friends because of our feelings. I feel mean that I am not talking to him and that I'm "pushing" him out of my life.. but its the easiest way to get on with things.. if we keep talking then it will be hurtful for both of us.
He has been a bit childish throughout this.. saying things to me on msn like "i think i left my shirt at your house, if so i want it back." and then he went on to say "continue your silence" (because we arent talking much).. and I feel like he didnt need to say that kind of things.. but it may be because he is hurting. Then that makes me think that he needs to grow up a bit and accept what has happened rather than getting nasty at me.
My friend was talking to him on msn the other day and she said he told her that someone had already asked him out. I'm not sure if this was true or if he is just saying it because he knew she would tell me. I want us to both get on with our lives, but a part of me feels like I should be hurting more because he is hurting. I feel that there is more hurt to come.. the worst is yet to come. It may be when I realise he has gotten on with his life and he gets a new relationship?
I feel like I've just pushed him away and I am being mean.. am I? Any replies would be appreciated. Thanks
