goddess

On 4/22/2024 at 11:06 AM, boltnrun said:

I think he should have sent a thank you card, especially given that he chose to use the money. Apparently he disagrees and is willing to end his relationship with his grandmother over a (small) issue. That's a shame.

This isn't about a family member, but I asked a close friend to come feed and water my cat while I was out of town. My friend lived literally a half mile away. He forgot two days in a row. I came home and my cat had no food and no water. I was upset but I also realized this friend was doing this as a favor for free, so I wasn't going to make it a thing. I simply hired a service after that. And he and I are still close friends. I just knew I couldn't rely on him for favors and that's fine. 

I agree that it's a shame. But, it's his choice.  I don't like it but I have to accept it.  

I am so sorry that your friend forgot about your kitty.  Perhaps I am harsh but forgetting two days in a row?  Yikes!  I'm just glad that your kitty was OK.  My son also has a service now.  

9 hours ago, Tinydance said:

Well first of all, I understand you want your son to get along with his Grandmother. But he's 29 so I don't think you can really control how he's behaving or what he's doing. I'm sure he knew that the polite thing to do was to say thank you for the cheque but he just didn't want to do that. It's a bit different to saying to a small child: "Say thank you" as opposed to a 29-year-old man. I think at the end of the day it doesn't matter what we think or you think because he's an adult and acting according to what he thinks.

To be honest I can see both sides of the story. I think that if his Grandmother agreed to take care of the cats, then she agreed to take on that responsibility. It's not good to leave the cats to themselves for most of the time, as they could have even died of dehydration. So I understand why your son was concerned there. I imagine she said no to taking care of the cats as she actually does find it difficult (for whatever reason).

I'm sorry but when you get pets or have kids, you can't think that anyone OWES you to look after them. When you have them, they are YOUR responsibility. People don't HAVE to look after them, they don't have an obligation to do this. They can say yes or no and they are allowed to say no.

Also was your son only taking his Grandmother out for sushi to get favours from her? I'm sure he wasn't but all I'm saying is, you don't do nice things to get something for it. For example, if I buy my friend a coffee, I can't be like: "You need to give me a lift because I bought you a coffee." I would be buying the coffee just to be nice and it's altruistic.

Your son's Grandmother didn't do anything wrong because she said "no" to watching the cats. It wasn't like she said yes but then left them to die. Your son is allowed to ask for a favour but equally she's allowed to decline. She did send him money and he just ignored her. Yes it is entitled because he was angry at her for something she doesn't HAVE to actually do.

Thank you for being able to see both sides, Tinydance.  I appreciate that.  Just so you know, my son never, ever took out his grandmother for sushi (weekly, BTW) to get favours from her.  In fact, He didn't even have kitties for a good number of years years while living there.  He took her to dinner out of the goodness of his heart and to keep her company because she is a widow. 

It was a one-time occurrence that he had to get out of town with little notice.  He asked her if she'd be able to care for the kitties and she said that she couldn't because she had a nail appointment in the morning.  Yes, her prerogative to decline but I think that was a crappy thing to do.  My son was rather taken back that she couldn't make a little time in her day to help him because he was in a pickle.   Personally, I think that is a poor excuse but that's just me.  Surely, in an entire day, she couldn't find time to go over to help her grandson?  That was disappointing, IMHO.  Also, may I add that she rarely has any appointments or commitments.  She does get together with some women that live in her apartment complex occasionally.   I was under the impression that family helps family, especially when in need.   Granted, she doesn't "owe" him any favours, but it would have helped him a lot to know that his kitties were being cared for.  It would have been a nice gesture on her part.  

He has since gotten a service to care for his kitties.  Again, I find myself wondering if the service would have been able to accommodate him on the day that he needed them, since it was short notice.  Again, thank you for taking time to answer.  

Yes, I agree that he should send a thank you card (she doesn't know how to text).  

13 hours ago, LootieTootie said:

Wow, don't ever get a dog if a cat was this much of a headache.

Sorry but agree with Catfeeder. Your son's responsibility to find a reliable sitter is on him and assigning people to be a petsitter when they've already shown you the first time, they arent good at it - well, thats on him.

If grandma didnt do a good job the first time, shouldn't have asked her and definitely not expect her to do a redeeming job.

 

OMG, it just happened once that he had to go out-of-town.  It was an emergency meeting, for crying out loud.  It happens!  And it's not about the cat.  My post was asking opinions on what to do regarding a thank you card.  

My son now has a place that will care for his cats in case this should happen again.  I don't know if you are a grandmother, but if you have a grandson who needed some help caring for his cat, I guess you would come up for an excuse for not helping because that is not your responsibility.  That's what it sounds like.  

3 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

If you want to defend son's position on this, that's not against the law. It just won't buy you anything. I'm with grandma. None of us are 'entitled' to assume the degree of our imposition on another. Son gets to live with himself for doing that, and if he wants to offend and disown his own grandmother over such a small thing, then he gets to live with that, too. He won't be able to make things right with her after she's gone. If you ever decide that he's making a mistake, then hopefully you're close enough with him to communicate that with him.

Best wishes.

Of course it bothers me that he and his grandmother don't get along over such a small thing.  I have strongly suggested to him to send the stupid thank you card.  But, it's his choice and decision, and he will have to live with that.  I hope that he changes his mind because it would be better all around.  There are worse problems in life.  Best wishes to you as well. 

25 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

He's a grown man. Either he's capable of negotiating with his employer the time he needs to secure services for his home, or he's not. If not, then why didn't he have an emergency lineup for a case like this? That's part of Life Management 101.

Son could have left the cats 12 hours worth of food, and you could have been there in 4 hours the next day. If that wasn't convenient for you, then why should it have been convenient for anyone else?

Again, grandma didn't ask for this. It's not her responsibility. Son is miffed because she wouldn't allow him to impose upon her this way. If you and he both want to agree that this must make grandma a villain, then here you are. And son has learned his entitlement well from you.

You really are something else.  You are blowing this way out of proportion.  Granted, it's not her responsibility.  No one said that.  All I'm saying is that it would have been nice of her, and a gracious gesture, to help out her grandson in a time of need.  It's not such a big inconvenience.  She doesn't have a busy schedule.  In fact, she oftentimes complains that she has nothing to do.

So, you think it's OK for me to drive down and back, at least 8 hours, when all she had to to was drive about one hour?  One hour in a day is not that big of a deal.  Get real, please.  And, no one said we consider her a villain. I'm just surprised that she couldn't. wouldn't do this simple task.  Just like my son took time out of his busy schedule to help her with her computer issues multiple times, she could have easily returned the favour.  That's what family or friends do.  

Lastly, I would appreciate your not labeling my son or me as entitled.  That couldn't be further from the truth.  You don't know me or my son.  When one gives and gives and gives to someone,  it's appreciated when that person gives back.  In any case, thanks for your feedback.

4 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

Because driving an hour each day didn't work for this woman. It's that simple, and it's that valid.

This is what I mean by "assigning." You and son are both assigning this woman a villain status because she didn't perform as expected. That's trumped up. She didn't ask for this.

Couldn't YOU have gone to stay at son's place for those days as son's first choice, or otherwise help him find a professional service to do this instead of assigning expectations to this woman? I'm not making you out to be 'wrong' if you didn't do that, but just as you had your reasons for not being son's first choice of reliance, so did grandma.

When I travel, I never ask family to drive out to look after my place. I hire someone or bargain with a close neighbor. That's just part of adult living--tending to our own business.

So the premise that son is rightfully disowning his grandmother over this ridiculously small perceived slight is the stuff of unfortunate Thanksgiving dinners. If you want to support son's perceptions of being wronged by his own grandmother, so be it. Enjoy the righteousness.

Are you not understanding that the trip was sudden?  He found out the evening before that he had to leave the next morning; early in the morning.  So, he didn't have time to check out any services.  He asked her if she'd be able to go the day after he left, for ONE day.  That's not enough of an imposition, considering all the favours he did her for.  My son is a very kind and gracious young man.  He was disappointed that she couldn't even go for one day, due to circumstances.  She is a very able-bodied woman.  So going about 1/2 hours each way is no big deal for her.  She does that all the time when she visits her daughter who also lives about 1/2 hour away.

As for me, I live FOUR hours away from him, sometimes more depending on traffic.  If I lived closer, it would have been my pleasure to help out.  Good for you for not asking your family for help when you travel.  Again, he asked for her help for one day.  It is unfortunate that she couldn't go out of her way when her grandson needed help.  And, I could do with your sarcasm.    

1 hour ago, catfeeder said:

I think assigning roles to family members can be a boomerang of disappointment. So then we hurt our own feelings when they fail to live up to the image we've assigned to them. For instances, there are grandma's who try to live up to Hallmark-style behaviors, while others are more relaxed, like the 'Auntie Name' character and don't even especially like babies or kids. Most people, realistically, fall somewhere in between.

So son, a grown man, believed that he was entitled to assign grandma to drive a half hour each way (a full hour of driving!) to feed a pet, when there are local services for that. Or friends who live closer, or whatever. That doesn't sound reasonable to me.

However, we can't 'make' a grown adult repair their relationships. I would use my best influence to soften son's edges a bit on his expectations, but if he's hard core and doubling down, I'd leave it alone.

With all due respect, my son didn't "assign" anything to his grandmother.  He politely asked her if she'd be able to do it because that particular trip was rather sudden.  He was in a bit of a jam.  And, it was only for one time since he'd be gone for only 3 days.  She said that she had a nail appointment in the early morning.  So, why on this green earth was she not able to go in the afternoon or early evening?  

Also, may I reiterate that he goes out of town once and maybe (and I mean maybe) twice a year.  Personally, I didn't think that was too much to ask. I certainly would have gone out of my way to help a family member.  But, I have to remember that not everyone is like me.  Thank you for your feedback.

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

As long as this was communicated "I would really appreciate you cat sitting - would love to take you for sushi as a thank you." I'm not a fan of entitlement to free services from grandparents.  It's lovely when they do favors like that - and that is what it is -a huge favor.  For sure again if she committed to it she should have been reliable- it's his fur baby!! I also don't think two wrongs make a right -if he felt so disrespected then of course return the check or ask that it be voided -he wasn't that offended that he didn't deposit it, yes? It's not about high road -it's basic common courtesy IMO.

Having said all that I'm also not a fan of forcing someone to be close to a family member just because they are blood so of course he can cut ties as he wishes.  

My son extended the invitation to dinner once he got back from his trip.  Also, he did her quite a number of favours throughout the years by going over her house to fix some computer issues that she had.  He used to take her out to dinner every week but once he started his masters, he was very busy.  Plus, he had to work on his thesis so the dinners became less frequent.  May I reiterate again that she only offered to pay for a dinner once.  That made him feel bad. 

Yes, he did cash the check although he told me that he was thinking of returning it.  That, to me, would have been rude.  OK, so his not thanking her was rude as well.  I just feel bad that this has happened.  The sad thing is is that she will never take a step back and contemplate how she was also in the wrong.   Thanks for your input.  I appreciate it.  

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

What did he offer to pay her to cat sit? My friend pays a lot to her cat sitter (but her cats do have medical issues/need injections) but I see  generally cat sitters get paid a decent amount.  Definitely she should have been more reliable but maybe she saw it as an imposition.  

I think he should stop contact with her and I think two wrongs don't make a right and he should have at least called her to thank her for the check.

My son takes her out to a sushi restaurant which is a favourite of hers. As anyone knows, sushi is very expensive so I think that is a kind and thoughtful gesture on his part.   Like I mentioned, he rarely goes out of town, perhaps once or twice a year.  So, I fail to see how that would be an imposition.  After all, he is her grandson.  My son felt disrespected and so he didn't send her a thank you card for the Christmas gift, which was wrong but he had had enough.  I did suggest that he send her a card but he doesn't want to.  He generally takes the high road but I think he's had it with her.  

27 minutes ago, TeeDee said:

He shouldn't do anything.  He made a decision to be done with her.  Granted he was trying to wake her up to her abandonment / endangerment of his cats but she can't see that. 

So if she's having  a major crisis like being in the hospital, he can model good behavior by caring for her dog but other than that he gets to ignore her going forward. 

Just because she is old doesn't mean she grew wise or kind.  

Thank you, TeeDee, for your feedback.  Yes, he won't do anything at this point.  I guess what goes around, comes around.  As I mentioned to Wiseman, she honestly has no introspection skills so she'll never understand why my son feel the way he does.  It's a shame. 

31 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. Is this his father's mother? She seems difficult and crotchety. However your son may have valid reasons to resent her. It seems like he's venting. While sending an acknowledgement of a gift is in good taste, they seem to have some bad blood between them. 

Hi Wiseman.  Yes, it's his father's mother (she's a widow).  She certainly can be difficult based on my post.  She seems to have no introspection skills so she will never realise how unfair/hurtful she's been towards my son.  I wanted him to send the thank you just to keep the peace but I will respect my son's choice.  Still, it bothers me that this has happened especially because between the two families (my ex's and mine) we have very few relatives here.  Thanks for your response.  Hope you are doing well.

Hi!  My 29 year old son lives about 4 hours drive from me.  His aunt and her family, and his grandmother live about 1/2 hour away from him.  

He is rather annoyed with his grandmother nowadays due to a number of reasons.  He's been living by himself for 12 years now.  He attended college and graduate school there.  During these years, he has reached out to his grandmother and took her out to dinner quite a number of times.  He paid for the dinners and was happy to do so, even while he was in school.  He informed me that his grandmother paid only once.  He was a bit disheartened by that fact.

He rarely goes out of town for business for 3-5 days.  He would ask his grandmother to please take care of his two kitties.   She did a few times.  However, on one occasion she forgot to go over for a couple of days.  When he got home, he realised that she hadn't been over for several days and the litter box was a mess.  He was quite upset.

On another occasion, he asked her to come over to care for the kitties just once since he'd be away for only 3 days.  She told him she had to get her nails done and couldn't go over.  Me son was rather irritated with her excuse.  I cannot say I blame him.  She couldn't make time to go over in an entire day to do him that favour?

His grandmother sent him a Christmas gift (a check).  He was still annoyed with her and decided to not send her a thank you card (she doesn't know how to text).  Her birthday is in March.  He did not call her to wish you a happy birthday.  My son's birthday is in April.  She did not call him to say happy birthday.  She did call my other son whose birthday is in April as well. 

She had been telling me that her dog was not eating for a couple of days so she was really worried.  I thought something happened and that that was the reason that she didn't call my son.  So, I called her and asked if everything was OK.  I asked her why she hadn't called my son for his birthday.  (she had been calling my sons for their birthday since they were toddlers.)  She informed me that she was annoyed that my son didn't send her a card thanking her for his Christmas gift.  Then, she complained that he hadn't called her for her birthday, so she didn't call him for his birthday.  She did send him a gift (check).

I asked him to please send a thank you card for her BD gift to him, and to take the high road.  He said he's not going to because she has disappointed him.   What do you think he should do?  Thank you for reading this.

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Have a merry Christmas with your wife and please stop keeping tabs on your ex. Give yourself the gift of freedom from the obsession. If you don't want her showing up in your social media feed suggestions, please delete her from ALL your contact lists and devices.  It's just the social media algorithm, not her reaching out. 

I completely agree.  Merry Christmas, Wiseman!

I truly understand the heartache and pain that you are experiencing.  Unfortunately, there is no magic pill that takes the pain away.  The only thing that will help is time.  How long?  It depends on the individual.  You will experience a roller coaster of emotions, which is normal after a loss. 

I will share my story with you.  I was married for 29 years.  He blindsided me when he asked for divorce.  It felt like my whole world fell apart.  I was a total mess for months.  I cried and cried, couldn't sleep well at all, had trouble eating (lost 20 pounds), had trouble being interested in anything, etc. 

I moved out and went back one day to pick up some things that I left behind only to find an extra pillow on my bed, a toothbrush on my sink, extra towels.  That was 11 days after I moved out!  He had already someone stay overnight.  There are no words that fully describe how I felt.  

Slowly, and I mean slowly, I began to heal.  I focused on hobbies that made me happy.  In my case, all my friends turned their backs to me.  Really ***ty thing to do, for sure.  However, I had my two amazing sons, my brother and his wife, my ex MIL and my ex SIL who comforted me and supported me in my time of need.

It's been 4.5 years since my divorce and I can honestly say that I feel so much better nowadays.  I don't cry anymore, I rarely think of him.  Once in a while, I will think of some good times but I learned to stop that.  It serves no purpose.  Instead, I concentrate on all the good things in my life.  

So, if I can do it, so can you, Mrs. Wise.  He's not worth your tears.  Don't give him that power.  You will heal slowly, I promise.  Remember that time is the answer.  Hang in there in the meantime.  Take good care of yourself, OK?  Sending you virtual hugs.  

You should be ashamed of yourself for even entertaining that ridiculous, selfish and really stupid idea.  Have some respect for your wife, dude!!!  Don't be such an a**hole.

On 8/3/2023 at 11:06 PM, Capricorn3 said:

Dude, I am surprised you even ask. You KNOW what to do.  You back off and stay off.  How unbelievably disrespectful to your wife, and you also show zero self-respect.  Talk about as low as you can go. Wow.

Beautifully said, Capricorn!  SPOT ON!!!

On 7/1/2023 at 7:52 AM, Lambert said:

Hi @RJB

I'm sorry.  This is tough.  Have you thought about volunteering on the weekends you are free? 

Helping someone else is a way to help ourselves and open our world to new people we might not meet otherwise. 

There's also religious communities or if you have any interest in taking a class, check out libraries, museums and community centers.

I don't have any kids and I'm single.  And like you, I have a few close friends but they either live out of state or have their own life in the weekend. So I only see the local ones a few times a month and the others less frequently if ever. 

So I understand. It's hard to not get in a rut of loneliness. I cultivate my own interests. I like to read and practice yoga (that's another thing, go work out! ). I come up with little projects or activities for myself etc and in general just try to enjoy my life even if I'm on my own. 

I've tried meeting other singles and dating but I haven't really clicked with anyone (new friends or dates). It seems rather out of my control right now.  So I decided when it's time, I will or I won't.  whatever.  This is still my life and I have a choice, surrender and feel bad or look for the good and feel good. 

The other thing is- get a pet.  I got a kitten two years ago.  A rescue from a local shelter.  He is the best.  Keeps me company and depends on me. It's been a good thing for me and him! 😀 

Love the idea of getting a pet!  YES!

I completely agree with what catfeeder and 1a1a said.  It is normal to feel all those emotions.  Some days will be better than others.  Unfortunately, you cannot speed up healing, and there is no magic cure.  Only time will heal, I promise you.  Everyone is different, so it's hard to say how long this horrible period will last.  I can tell you from personal experience that time works wonders. 29 year marriage down the drain.  I was blindsided.  It's been almost over 4.5 years now, and I feel so much better.   Be patient, be kind to yourself, and know that this grief/sorrow will pass at some point.  You can, and will, get through it!!!  

I am so sorry that you are going through this.  Keep writing; it helps.  We are here for you.  Hugs.

As the majority of posters said, dump this pervert.  If he does this now, do you honestly think it's not going to happen again, and again?    RUN and never look back!  You'll save yourself a lot of stress and heartache.

On 5/25/2023 at 6:29 PM, Cherylyn said:

Take the high road.  Should you cross paths with her in the future,  say,  "Happy Belated Birthday" and leave it at that.  Have good manners,  grace and class.  Both of you don't have to be friends and get chummy.  Both of you have every right to invite and whom not to invite for your birthday celebrations.  However, since you share mutual social circles,  act natural,  be kind but it's fine to maintain a safe distance.  Remain civil. 

Beautifully said, Cherylyn!  I fully agree.

On 4/22/2023 at 4:53 PM, Cherylyn said:

@goddess Good about not telling your brother why you did not send money or a gift.  It's unnecessary.  There is no reason to give a reason,  period.  I doubt your brother cares one way or another what his daughter does.  Don't stir the pot.  Don't create unnecessary drama.  Just quietly do what you choose to do. 

It was very gracious for your brother's son to send you a thank you note.  Any announcement (birth / graduation, etc) is always up to the discretion of the recipient of the announcement whether or not they choose to send a monetary gift,  gift or a congrats note in any form.  Regarding announcements,  for me,  it depends on my relationship with whoever did the announcing.  If I'm close to them,  if we're on good terms,  if they're courteous towards me and historically appreciative,  then I'm apt to send money,  gift and a congrats card.  If I'm not close to them and they're habitually ignorant,  rude, inconsiderate and ill mannered,  I'll send just a card with nice words without any money enclosure nor gifts whatsoever.  I'm still nice while I save my wallet.

Like you,  I expect a "thank you" as opposed to being completely ignored.  If I'm ignored like that,  no more gravy train.  Money and gifts come to a screeching halt.  No more "Miss Generous" from me.  At best, I'll send a simple postal card (in my case),  send it off and be done with it.  I don't need a response from a congrats card.  I've done my part for the sake of practicing good diplomacy and I'm off the hook.  I'm good to go.  Life goes on. 

I agree,  if parents ignore the gift giver,  they're teaching their child a lifelong habit of ignoring whoever went above and beyond or out of their way to be kind and generous to them.  It's a good way to alienate others very quickly and people lose respect very quickly for those who don't practice common decency and common courtesy.  It's dishonorable and feels dishonorable.  There is a lack of integrity. 

Yes,  of course,  it's extremely considerate to be acknowledged for good deeds given.  It's common sense to express gratitude towards those who've been very kind,  generous in any capacity and whoever thought of you by doing something special just for you or your loved ones.  Yes indeed it's a shame to be ignored because the giver would feel happy and appreciated if acknowledged graciously by the recipient or the recipient's parent if the recipient is a baby, for example.

Yes,  it's crazy of you to feel guilty for not sending a gift to an ingrate or spoiled brat.  You'll only feel hurt and disappointed in people if you set yourself up.  Those hurts actually feel like disappointment after awhile because you thought that some people in your life were better than that yet they let you down.  Their ignoring you is a way of telling you that you don't matter much,  your feelings don't matter much and they don't care how you feel at all.  They treat you as if you're a robot with zero feelings and to ignore you?   You don't matter to them.  This is the message you'll never have trouble understanding.  Their dismissive attitude and blatant disregard for you tells you everything about their personality and character.  Not only is it very disrespectful towards you,  you lose all respect for them forever.  That's the stain they leave behind in your mind.  Yes,  you need to remember and constantly remind yourself to treat people the way they've treated you otherwise you hurt yourself unnecessarily.  Be fair and kind to yourself and treat yourself with respect because this is how you treat yourself as if YOU matter.  Enjoy our weekend, too @goddess.  🙂  You won't be offended nor insulted anymore as you grow strong and tough.  This is how you evolve and transform yourself.

I'm not from the school of giving until it hurts and not expecting to be thanked at the very least.   Anything less than expressions of humble and sincere gratitude and appreciation kills all desire and inclination for the giver to continue giving money,  gifts or in other cases,  offers of my time,  help,  labor,  expenses,  inconveniences and the like.   All of that is suddenly ceased.  What goes around,  comes around. 

 

Beautifully said and nailed it, Cherylyn.  Thank you for wring such a amazing response.  I truly enjoyed reading it, and I fully agree with you.  Take good care of yourself.  xx

On 4/19/2023 at 6:44 AM, Jibralta said:

That is awesome!

Well, don't spend too much time, effort, or money on people who are indifferent to it. Send a store-bought greeting card, instead! Or don't send anything at all. Focus on things that bring you happiness, not sadness. Your relatives will be ok without cards and gifts!

Thanks!  I will send a card but no gift.  I'm tired of being taken for granted.  If they can't be bothered then I won't be bothered!  Now, I just have to figure out how to not feel bad or guilty.  LOL 

On 4/20/2023 at 7:03 PM, Cherylyn said:

@goddess I would just send the birthday card whether handmade or store bought  MINUS  money or gifts.  This is practicing good diplomacy.  If you choose not to send a card of any sort,  it's your call but it could damage an already cool or frosty relationship.  Why make the relationship worse?   This is regardless of the 5 hour drive distance between you and them. 

NO,   don't tell your brother why you didn't send a gift.   Let your actions or non-actions do all the talking.  No explanation necessary.  You don't owe anyone any explanation whatsoever.   Just do without telling him "why." 

Well said!  I won't tell my brother.  I'm sure he is clueless that his daughter does that.  My brother's son (the one who had a baby in February) not only sent me a thank you note but also an announcement.  It is so nice to be acknowledged.  When I give gifts, I truly don't expect any gifts in return, but I do expect a thank you.  But, that's just me.  

On 4/19/2023 at 5:09 PM, Cherylyn said:

@goddess You sound very talented for creating your own greeting cards.  I enjoy this craft, too and I know how enjoyable yet time consuming it is.  I remember staying up many a night creating greeting cards for various occasions.  I've accumulated a lot of art supplies.  I imagine you do stamping,  embossing and calligraphy as well.  It is a great hobby indeed.  🙂

As for your 33 year old niece who can't be bothered to graciously thank you,  if you don't feel close to her nor see them due to the 5 hour distance,  then why bother going through the trouble sending her a postal greeting card whether it was handcrafted or store bought?   Rapport is nonexistent.  Therefore,  there is no relationship.  Sure,  it's the 2.5 year old but since obviously, this preschooler is too young to write a thank you note to you,  then it's the parents' responsibility to reach out to you yet they choose to ignore you which is disdainful.  I don't buy into excuses for ignoring those who've gone above and beyond to be kind and generous to others.  The parents are the ones who should've humbly,  sincerely and gratefully thanked you.  To ignore you is very DISRESPECTFUL.  I've known recipients such as what you've described and I no longer spend my hard earned cash on them anymore.  I don't spend my time and energy on them anymore either.  If I'm not worth it to them,  then they're not worth it to me.  I save money for myself and watch my bank account grow instead.  Why give of yourself to a bunch of ingrates?  They don't care about you so do likewise by not caring for them either.  It works both ways.  What goes around,  comes around.  Let this non-relationship be mutual,  equal and fair. 

I would go so far as to say if other people don't reciprocate,  for example, wishing me a "Happy Birthday,"  Christmas greetings nor congratulate me nor my immediate loved ones,  I don't extend kindness to them either whether it's online (texts / messages / emails),  social media,  voicemails,  phone calls,  postal greeting cards, expressions of gratitude / thank yous and the like.  Same with gift giving. 

In the past,  I've spent a lot of money on other people only for them to either ignore me or always do all the taking and never any giving back.  The relationship felt very lopsided. 

Always treat people the same exact way they treat you.  If they treat you as if you matter in any capacity,  then do likewise.  If they give you the cold shoulder,  learn to ignore them as well.  This way,  you'll no longer feel shortchanged,  hurt nor disappointed in others.  Follow their cue and imitate them.  Most likely,  they won't care that you are treating them the same exact way they've treated you.  No harm,  no foul.  Plus,  you save your time, trouble and wallet.  It's a win win situation all around. 

 

>>>    "The parents are the ones who should've humbly,  sincerely and gratefully thanked you.  To ignore you is very DISRESPECTFUL."

I feel the same way, Cherylyn.  So, if the parents don't send a text/email/card to say thank you, they won't teach the child that.  Shame, because the sender of the gift would feel appreciated and happy.  What a fail to understand is that, if I don't send a gift, I would feel guilty.  Isn't that crazy?  I'm all for treating people the way they treat you now.  I've got to remember that.  Thank you for answering any enjoy your weekend.

8 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

That is annoying!  My 35 year old niece took 2 weeks to respond to a post that we finally would be visiting her city (in a couple of weeks so I gave plenty advance notice)(um thanks Covid for making us cancel last year )- I wasn’t asking to stay with her literally just to meet her 3 kids and have my son see her again and meet his cousins. She wrote after two weeks “sure”. I know she has an infant and is wildly busy and …. If someone says they’re visiting me I kindly respond even if I’m busy and if so like “oh!  How wonderful ! Busy but will write more later”. Isn’t it just - common manners ???

How thoughtless and rude of your niece, Batya. Sorry.  I honestly don't know where their manners are.  Behaviour like that is pure disrespect in my mind.  I am the same way as you.  I would make it a point to respond in a timely manner.  NO ONE is that busy that they are unable to take literally one minute to respond to an email or a text?  If even that long.  

One thing that I have semi-learned over the years:  don't assume that people have the same principals/manner as I do.  I say semi-learned (is that even a word?  LOL) because, clearly, I still make that same mistake.  That is my problem.  Thanks again for answering again.  xx