Three days ago my wife of three years (been together 7) announced that we should separate. (We communicate quite well and the relationship has never been abusive.) In sorting out my thoughts and emotions I think she may be right. We are best friends but have grown complacent. One main problem is that we don't have sex very often and she really needs that connection to feel loved. We have gone to counselling and it worked temporarily but she feels that she is not in love with me, and possibly we have never been in love. She also mentioned that we feel that we should spend time together and this is making us codependent and not allowing us to grow as individuals. I agree with some of her points but am confused and hurt and am trying to figure out if I agree with separation. (I may not have much of a choice.)
While sorting out my thoughts and emotions I realized that I haven't been showing appreciation for her and more recently she hasn't been showing appreciation for me. We have been living together like roommates (poor roommates at that).
This sounds stupid but in the face of losing her I am wondering that if we start taking small steps of appreciation for each other and essentially begin dating again, will this grow back into being in love? And of course I wonder why we haven't been taking these steps all along.
She wants to separate now while her feelings are clear and doesn't want to be lulled back into a complacent relationship. And I feel that I am ready now to start being attentive to her needs. (I can't believe how pathetic I feel in realizing that we haven't been attentive) But if I start doing romantic things for her/with her now I don't know if I'm being truly honest with myself or if I am just scared of being alone. I also think that my wife will dismiss the attempts because she doesn't want to be brought back into the relationship if it isn't working.
So, maybe after some time apart, when I can be 100% sure I love her and she can be sure that I am doing these things out of a sincere love for her we can get back together.
But I think the key in being separated is, as much as I want to get back together with her, I can't wait on it or expect it. I basically have to assume that we won't get back together in order to allow myself to grow and that's where I'll find the strength to carry on or the strength to begin our relationship again.
Does anyone have any comments? Has anybody been in a similar situation?
