InfectedMind

Hello, Thanks for the possitive feedback. (post#1) I am located in VA, from what I have read I think 18 is legal age of consent, or so that is what it says. When I read all of the legal type about dating/sexual intercourse, it really scared me and is what brought me here. All thought we have not had it yet, I am sure it will be something soon to come up. I do not want to get her nor myself in any trouble. Sometimes I think the laws are not fair, but yet we have people who would abuse these things if they didn't exist so...what can we do. Honestly though, when it comes to love, I really see those things as minor issues and not something that is worth ending a relationship, but more less maybe something to work around. Ending the relationship is the last thing that I want to do. I love her to death and I would prefer to keep things going. The main reason I figure it would not last is, college. If it did last that long, long distance relationship would not work for me. I am a very effectionate,passionate person. I love to be able to be with my girl as often as possible to hold and hug and protect. It hurts me not seeing her a day moreless months, etc etc. Knowing I couldn't do these things while she is away, it would kill me. As far as letting her experiance what a teen is all about, I try my best. The only thing I feel like I am robbin her is the dating scene. Honestly though I got mad when she said she just wanted to be able to date guys, maybe for a week or 2. It made me feel like she had no self-respect for herself, and that is what I am trying to get her to see. She is a special person, and she needs to be treated with the greatest repsect possible. I know most guys these days just don't have it, we have the pimps and the players out there. I can just see her getting hurt way to often and that is what I don't want. I try to let her know these things, but of course when I tell her this stuff I clearly let her know I am not trying to manipulate her in anyways to turn against guys in school. I am sure there are some nice ones out there. I am more less just opening her eyes so she can be prepared for e real reality of life, because most guys are looking for one thing. Most people are surprised when the actually get to know me. I am very gentlemen like and it takes them by surprise. I just feel like women should be treated with respect and you should do what ever it takes to make them feel special and protect them. So when it comes to interfearing with her teen life, that maybe about the only thing I feel like I am doing. I am very open person, if she want's to do something, it's fine with me. I have no problem with her doing stuff with friends, I did it when I was young and I had fun, I would not want to take it from her. So as far as anything else, I think she is basically living a teen life. Actually it is really cool, because I have always hung with younger people than me (except when I was young lol), all of my friends are somewhat younger. And I am friends with pretty much all of her friends, and well I guess she doesn't feel that I am interfearing because I get invited to alot of things by her. Most people think I am a teenager, I just have that look, it's nice . I am always making it clear to her though that I am not in anyway trying to interfear with her life, keep tabs etc etc. Well I think I have drug this out a little more than I wanted to. Thanks for your reply Hourglass, it was very much appreciated. (post#2) Yes, I feel it is unfair how people judge relationships by age, I mean there has to be a line drawn at certain points. It is not like a find a little kid and bribed her with candy to date me. I definatly know that I am not trying to take advantage of her. My age is just 2 numbers, it does not make who I am, it doesn't make me a pervert, doesn't make me a pedifile, doesn't make me a rapist, doesn't make me a killer, I make me and people should realize that. I am a quiet, shy person, very sweet. I feel as if her parents actually knew me and the way I am, and how I want to treat and protect their daughter, I bet they would fall in love with me. Honestly though, I don't see that happening *lol* because of my age. To bad things like this have to be look upon. Freedom and space is one of the most important things I try to do. I always have told her I am never trying to keep her from doing anything, I would never try to control her in anyway, she is her own person and makes her own decissions and I would have no right to interfear with that. I am open to what ever she does (there are certain lines not to cross though) all I ever ask her to do is to just let me know what she is going to do, weither it's going out with friends or whatever. Not because I want to stalk her and keep tabs. It just makes me feel more comfortable knowing what she is doing and knowing she isn't doing it behind my back, plus it would make me nervous not knowing incase something happens. I try my best to not interfear with her sociallife, it is one of the most important parts of growing up. I am always making sure I never do anything to make her feel uncomfortable. I always make sure I ask her everynight after we see each other to find out if I have so I can make sure to fix it, but it hasn't come to that. That is why we have much respect for each other, we are open to things. The more and more I talk about it, I just feel like maybe I should let it ride through, but with caution. If it is not going to last forever (which I only wish it could) why not just try to enoy all of the time you have left and make it the best. This has been a topic she and I have been talking about for a few days now, it is what made me find this board. I was feeling really upset and needed some were to turn for advice. We feel as if it is something that can continue until the end, when ever it comes. It would probably get to me more than her when it comes to the break-up. I just don't want any of this to ruin our future relationship, weither it is still dating or just being friends. I guess all I can do is take it day by day and see where it takes me. Ok well thanks for your reply zippitt, very much appreciated Take care, thanks again for your replys guys. Sincerely, InfectedMind

Dear Forum Readers, I am in a situation that I am not sure where I should take it now. Ok first of I am 23 years old. I met this girl (which is 15 right now) awhile back (late summer), she was introduced to me through a friend. At this time her and I met we became really close friends. At the time she had a boyfriend who basically was a piece of skum. I adored this girl, I knew she deserved better and that is what I wanted for her. Basically I let her know how I felt about him and she felt the same way after I pointed out these things. Pretty much a few weeks after she met me she dumped him. Anyways I felt what I did was the right thing to do, I only want to protect her from the people that use and abuse and he was one of them. I was not the only one, her friends wanted her to dump him also, but I wanted to asure them and you that I didn't do it just so I could have her, I just didn't like the way he used her. She is to sweet of a girl to be treated like that, and if she got hurt she would take it really hard. Anyways though, she dumped him and then was interested in me. I found this girl to be one of the most sweetest,loving,caring, special girl I have met in awhile. I never really seen myself being more than a loving,caring friend that is there for her. Sooner or latter though it is like our feelings for each other became more intense, it came to a point where we loved each other. From that point my friends, her and I even though maybe we should give it a chance. Well me being who I am, I was a little nervous about it because of the age thing. I always told myself that I would never go under 18. I have had plenty of girls under my age ask me out, but I always rejected because I really never seen myself wanting to do it. Although my thoughts for them were not as intense for this girl. Well to get to the point, we started to date. We get along really well, and I love being there for her. I told her that all I want it to give her the best because she deserves it. Our feelings are very true for each other. Now though I am looking on it and I am feeling very guilty as if I am robbin her of a life she might not get? I really do not expect this to last forever because honestly I don't think it could. She will eventually be going to college, and I feel as she grows up maybe she will be interested in exploring more. That is fine though, I want her to do what ever makes her happy, and I do not want to get in the way of anything else, like shcool or anything that will have to do with the success of her life. Another thing that just bothers me and sometimes I think, am I considered scum? The age difference, I mean honestly the way I see it, as long as they are mature enough to make there own decessions, in an adult like manner (which she does, she is very smart) then it is more less just a number. Now if it is a girl who couldn't make her own decissions and basically wasn't mature, I would have not even bother (reasons why I did not mess with any of the others that were interested in me). This relationship does not consist of sex, we kiss and maybe do some other things, but I have not had intercourse with her yet. One of the main reasons are, should I? I really don't think I should and I probably won't, it's not that I don't want to, she is a very attractive girl. I think it would make me feel like a pedifile. (which basically is what it would be) Another is, we seem to do ok with out it, so why bother. I don't want her to think I am not attracted to her though because I am. Plus I mean, I like sex..plain and simple, who doesn't. Being where I am at though I can't just go out and get some because I would never cheat on a girlfriend. The other big thing is parents..ya. Being the lucky person I am, her father is a surgeon, and her mother....DUN DUN DUNNNN...a lawyer. Yep' no lie, well she isn't now but she was. So yes that is a big hold back. When we see each other we do it at the movies or out in public, school or over friends. I mean I can go over there, because they think I am 18 (apparently it is what she told them) but I just don't feel right about it so I don't. So ok yes that is another hold back. I also feel as if I might be robbin her life, like taking away her teendays. I mean some girls like to be able to explore and date guys in high school maybe 1 or 2 weeks and it is over. She told me in an email the other day (we communicate alot through email, IM, phone, lives 20minutes away or so) that before she met me she was moreless like any other girl in school and just wanted to be noticed by the guys and asked out. She said she was just looking for the 2 week type relationship and move on, bu then she said she met me and fell in love with me and has never felt this way for anyone else, and I will foralways have her. I feel the same way about her, and honestly I couldn't really see myself with a better match, we click really well. So that made me feel as if I stole a part of her away, something she doesn't get to experiance. But I also know sometime life brings you great things but you will need to sacrafice those things for the better. This is what I am asking. What should I do, continue the relationship or somehow put it to an end? It would really crush her, as well as me to do that. I am truley in love with her, and she the same. But I just want to make sure I do what is best for the both of us. Honestly, another thing is. I am a very effectionate,passionate person. When I fall in love with someone, I fall deep and hard. But I am scared if I lose her then I won't be able to find anyone else that I could feel the same way for. I am also afraid of losing a friendship, I am not sure if I could continue to be friend with her because my feelings would be to strong and I would just get upset being around her and I do not want that to happen. I told her no matter what I would always be her protector and there to comfort her and I am afraid that I would have to break that promise. I know this relationship will not last for ever, so I am thinking why not just let it go until it comes to an end on it's own? But I question that and think, as that a good idea?.. I don't know, I am just somewhat confused. Ok though, I have took up enough of your time. Thanks for reading and replying when/if you do. I appreciate the help and I thank you for it. Sincerely, InfectedMind