I'm seeking advice from those who have been in successful long-term relationships. I'm in the midst of my first.
Without listing the details of how we met and where we're from, I'll summarize by telling you that we were in a long-distance relationship at the beginning. He was extremely attentive... sending me flowers, counting our monthly "anniversaries." It was like I was falling in love for the first time all over again (we're both in our 30s now). After just three months, he wanted to talk about marriage. And he seemed genuinely interested in the prospect--I could see the sincerity in his eyes. His intensity was tangible.
At that time--about two years ago--he was moving back to the US and I was looking for a new job. We'd planned ahead, and while we both thought it would be impossible, we managed to both find work in the same city. We found an apartment, moved in together, and our lives were wonderful.
I should note also that he was very giving... constantly sending me notes, buying me flowers, initiating sex, insisting upon near-constant cuddling.
I can't pinpoint when things started to change... they just have. I made a dramatic change in my appearance last week. Every single person I know mentioned it--and he didn't seem to notice. We still have sex, but only sporadically and quickly. I used to enjoy having him take me quickly and furiously... but that seems to have become a substitute for the slow, intimate sessions I used to really enjoy. He doesn't seem to have that same hunger for me. He's not at all interested in taking me out, going to a bar for a drink, or even taking a walk somewhere.
I've brought this up a few times... We communicate very well. We're open, honest. We play and laugh and joke. But when I bring this up, our conversation degenerates into his explaining that his sex drive is down or that our sechedules aren't matching or that we're both focused on other things.
Now, I'm feeling insecure, scared...and wondering how to reignite the emotions that drove him to play-propose marriage using a label off a pizza box, send me handwritten poetry, want to have sex day and night, and desire to be physically connected to me as much as possible.
I'm confused, thinking a few different things:
1. He's said about past girlfriends that he was never the one to break up because he couldn't stomach it. He always had a desire to remain friends with his ex's. Could it be that he's no longer interested in me, and just waiting for me to suggest breaking up? I've brought this up before, and he always says no.
2. I've put on about 20 pounds since moving back to the US (he and I met right before I moved back here). I'm now on Weight Watchers and losing what I put on... but maybe the change in my body has disinterested him in me sexually?
I've never been in a relationship this long. I've been with many men... just not in a serious relationships. I understand that the intensity fades... how do you bring it back? How do you keep your mate interested in you? How do you keep the energy and excitement alive? The point that we've come to... is this normal?
Any advice would be helpful..... I'm not sure what to do now.
