Layug

I have gone to all avenues to try and spare a divorce but... I am worn out. I know the amount of guilt that will come with my decision but it is a decision I must be firm with or else I may never be able to be true to myself. I have asked other people for advice, even our base Chaplin. He told me the same thing. If I dont think itll work out then the best thing to do is to leave before things get worse. I told my wife that my decision is going to stick because it is what I wanted for such a long time but didnt have the "balls" to go through with it. I have been extremely depressed lately (not eating much at all). The only one that makes me feel good is my "friend"/"neighbor", and she does so not in a physical or sexual sense but in a mental sense. My self esteem is low and I need to do some self improvement once this is all over. I do not wish this pain on anyone but my wife wishes be to burn in hell. I hope that does not happen. Im not the strongest man (emotionally). I have been broken these past two years. I think this may be my best choice. I dont want to grow up without my daughter and I dont want her to grow up like her mother so I think Ill raise a child custody battle. I have some scenarious that you guys/girls can hopefully help me figure out, as far as who the best parent would be in a custody hearing. 1. My wife has been in debt and been hunted down by debt collectors for the past three years. Her credit is screwed and she would probably have a very hard time finding a job. 2. She is also taking alot of medication for various things but from my assessment of her behavior, she seems to be bi-polar, overly anxious, and psycho. 3. Her hometown is a s@#t hole; her dad is a pot head and a drunk who lives in a house harboring other pot heads and drunks. Her aunt does crack and I saw dubtle truth in that when I saw some dried up blood hanging out of her nostril. Her mom is currently married and is screwing some dude (and that honestly is the story of hewr life). 4. She has a family history of sexual abuse (unspoken of). This by far is my main concern. 5. She has all the bad characteristics; jealous, selfish, inconsiderate, dramatic, exaggerative, lazy (very lazy), procrastinates, hipocritical, contradictive, narrow minded, demanding, controlling, abusive (verbally and mildly physically), ignorant, merciless, insulting, shameless, exploitive, disrespectful, just disgusting. Thanks again for taking the time to read into my problems.

This is my first post. I hope this will be read for I am in need of some serious guidance. My wife and I married for all the wrong reasons. I married her because she was pregnant and nothing more. I have never loved her but I love my daughter tremendously. Our relationship is horrible. No love no peace no point. I joined the Air Force as a means to support my coming family. I am actually enjoying the service and my daughter but not my wife, at all. I have lived in hurt staying with her. I disgust myself with the decision I have made. I regret marrying her more than anything. So after a little over two years of fighting, divorce threats, and abuse (inflicted on me), I decided I was getting a divorce. My wife treated me like crap. She was married but separated when I met her. She brought her baggage into our marriage and it pretty much ruined it from the start. She insults me all the time. She imposes her ideals on me as if my own were unimportant or stupid. She belittles me and airs out our "dirty laundry" when friends are over. She doesn't allow me to talk to my old buddies in peace. I can't go out for lunch with my coworkers for a special event without her throwing a fit. There is always something wrong with me she seems to think. She is ruining my character and self esteem. She is the epitome of all the bad things I have done in my life. She is monstrous. She's the type of wife you see only in movies. But she's a good mom besides the fact that she has no intention on showing our daughter any kind of discipline. I hurt more and more everyday. So I made up my mind after all this that I was getting a divorce then she tells me she's pregnant. My whole world was crushed. I had a new found joy when I knew what I wanted (divorce) and then she tells me that I may be stuck with her for even longer. It's been three months since the news and I cannot handle it anymore. I told her I want a divorce but she thinks it's a false alarm because we've talked about divorce so many times. "I'm serious" I say. She is destroying what is good in me. Is there a solution? I want to leave her so bad but she's pregnant. I cannot act happy or get along with her anymore. And there's a little bit more. Recently I have been talking to her friend that lives right behind us. Our daughters play together. During our "down low" conversations we have gotten so close and started to have strong feelings for each other. We have even been planning our futures together. I have made a decision and want a divorce; I also want custody of our child(ren). Am I asking for something impossible? Am I being wrong by divorcing her while she is pregnant? She has plenty of family to take care of her in Ohio. Help. Sorry this was so long.