DancingFool

I regularly see people shop in pajama pants, both pre and post covid. I don't do it personally but I see it a lot. Maybe it's just my area.

Ugh...I'd rather see pajama pants. It's Texas heat of summer here and every year I see guys in the grocery store wearing those slim loose nylon shorts with nothing under them so you can literally see their package in detail.....nothing to show off either.....so I wonder if they just don't realize or don't care..... Happened just the other day. The clerk and I caught each other looking. After the guy walked away, we burst out laughing - he needs an extra mask a little lower down....

At least people around here seem to be compliant when it comes to masks and store managers seem to have some common sense. A lady didn't have a mask on - she needed to go into the store to get her masks purchased as she was completely out, so they gave her a free one so she could go about her business. Several other people also offered to go to their car and get her a mask. It was nice to see basic decency and common sense in action. When you see the news, seems crazy, then you go in your local community and it's a different story - one that doesn't make the headlines - people actually helping each other out, being kind, compassionate, considerate. I wish the news would focus more on that....but.....train wrecks get more clicks....or do they? I wonder sometimes if it's just what editors believe is true.

Talk Dirty to Me

 

lol

 

Omg that was a good laugh :)

Raul Malo.

 

To lift the spirits in the midst of all this gloom

 

https://youtu.be/sFATvfn_V3o

Ha that just reminded of

This always makes me happy and energized. :)

A bit of humor to lighten the mood:

"I was in a long line 6:45 am today at the grocery store that opened at 7am for seniors only. A young man came in from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back with her cane. He returned and tried to cut in again, but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him down to the ground and rolled him away.

As he approached the 3rd time, the young man shouted, "if you all don't let me unlock the door, nobody is going to be shopping today."

Could you form these sentence in a way that is kind to me and not confrontational? Thank you. I have nothing against you, DancingFool, I appreciated your advice in the past. After these days, I'm tired of having to explain myself to questions involving negative judgement. It's very tiring. If you don't like this thread, don't see the point of it, please just say so in a sentence ending with a dot. It's extremely tiring answering to questions if you're not sure if someone genuinely wants you to explain something. If you want to express a negative opinion, do so, if you want to ask something, ask kindly.

Oh my....well that didn't take much. OP, questions are complete sentences. Questions aren't judgments. You don't get to dictate to anyone how to write or how to respond or whether or not to participate on a public forum. Anyway, as other posters have already pointed out, in a very passive aggressive way you answered my question, "I want to dictate to others how to be and I want to argue about it because that makes me feel like I'm in control."

....So what's the point of your thread really? Do you want to take over? Dictate your rules? Just wanted to complain?

I have definitely tried to maintain the intensity of the dating stage. When real life kicked in we couldn’t maintain it. Given that I’ve not had a proper relationship in years...I think I started to panic. He maintained that it was not a reflection of his feelings changing, if anything his feelings were growing, but of real life kicking in and an inability to maintain the amount we were seeing each other/ staying up until the early hours/ going to work exhausted.

Well....he has been as clear as a person can be that he likes you, he wants to continue dating you and see where this goes, but that he cannot maintain the kind of intensity and time demands that you seem to need. So now it's on you whether you choose to take it the wrong way, continue panicking and wreck what you have going on, or chill out and adjust to something more realistic and sustainable long term. This is more about your insecurity than anything else.

If he was done, it's easy enough for him to drop you and walk away. He is trying to make this work, but he needs you to understand that and come on board with him on this journey. If your response/reaction is that I need what I need and I need to talk until 5 am every night, yes he will throw in the towel and walk away because you are too needy and he can't do that. The ball is your court here. Do you want a sustainable relationship or just the high of high intensity drama?

The married is still married debate is a bit cultural and slanted for US culture since most posters are from US. In the US for the most part filing for divorce is easy, so people have an attitude that if you are only separated, not filing means there is unfinished business there and for the most part that will be correct.

In many other parts of the world, getting a divorce involves a lengthy legal separation first. We are talking a year or longer. So separated but not divorced isn't quite that straightforward. Divorce is harder to get, so when people set out on that road, they actually mean to divorce. They've been checked out of the marriage longer and in the process of getting divorced much longer. The cultural dynamic is different.

Of course, there is risk in any relationship you enter that it won't work out. Don't let that eat you alive though. I do think we have identified some of the issues of why he pumped the brakes on you and it is more to do with emotional and time pressure to see him and to maintain that intensity you had early on. You need to allow the relationship to normalize. The fact that he is communicating with you and trying to sort this out rather than just run for the hills, I think is promising for continuing to build a healthy relationship. You've only known each other for 6 months....so long ways to go before you can figure out if there really is a future there.

Completely understand this. I think this arises from the fact that for the first few months, he was the one pushing to see me all the time. I was the one slowing it down for the first month but then in time I started to enjoy it and I guess I got used to a certain level of contact. For the few months after that we were on the same wavelength.

 

Deep down I know we can’t keep that up. You know...The early stages of talking until the early hours and being knackered the next day at work...but it doesn’t matter because you’re so high on the adrenaline of it all!

 

There was a definite shift when the honeymoon period wore off and We have probably switched roles.

 

What I am definitely getting from all of this is that, regardless of the reason, the best way forward is to create space. The question is how much space is the right amount of space...?

I don't think in your case it's so much about space as removing the emotional pressure, the I get sad part. Focus on the plans you have rather than the plans you don't have. Focus on being happy with what you have rather than what you don't. Get back in touch with your other life too, so when he is busy, you aren't sad. A situation where when you connect again, when you talk, you can share with him all the things you've been into.

Otherwise, just allow for the relationship to normalize. Don't be afraid that less means pulling away or some such. Yes, it started out hot and heavy...and most relationships do that....but then you have to normalize, aka reincorporate work, friends, hobbies, etc. Find some balance between seeing each other and having a life outside of each other without getting the sadz.

He is still very much making plans for the future. The near future anyway. We talked about going away over the summer. And we have tickets to a couple of events which he has brought up. He’s brought all of these things up recently and has talked about starting to make plans.

 

We do clash sometimes in the amount of time we like to spend together. For example, if he goes away for the weekend, which he does fairly regularly, I get excited about seeing him on his return. Whereas he is in his ‘zone’ and can probably go longer without seeing me. He always explains that this isn’t because he doesn’t want to see me and he does always make plans to see me but sometimes it can be difficult with the hours that we both work in the week. Hence one of the reasons he is changing his career. But I can sometimes get sad if I know I’m not going to see him for a while. Whereas he is happy if he knows we have a plan.

 

I think he misread this as me ‘needing’ to spend more time with him and getting upset with him when I can’t. Again, this is one of the things we have talked about. I am a very independent person - have been single for a very long time so am used to spending time alone! It’s more about me ‘wanting’ to spend time with him because I enjoy our time together. However, when I’m not with him I am also perfectly fine. In return, he explained that it’s not that he doesn’t want to spend time with me, but that sometimes life can get in the way and we can’t keep staying up until the early hours like we used to in the early days because, understandably, it was tiring us both out!!

 

I hear him though, and I think he hears me. It’s just about finding a balance that works for both of us I guess.

Ah...well...there is your problem. It's not so much about time, which can be a factor, but your emotional state and reaction. When you get sad because you can't see him to the point of fighting about it....you have become emotionally dependent on him in an unhealthy way. It creates a tremendous amount of pressure on him to keep you happy and of course, he'll start drawing some boundaries and having some doubts about this relationship.

You keep saying how you are so independent, but you aren't living it at this point in time. You are acting highly dependent. This is the issue you need to address for yourself, for this relationship and for any future relationships. I think he can see that you are losing yourself a bit and that's why he is pumping the brakes. If you take a deep breath and start being honest with yourself, can you see it too?

In places where there is a lengthy legal separation requirement before a divorce can even be filed, it makes things very difficult to gauge in terms of dating. Some people will be truly and utterly done, moved on and the final divorce is just a legal formality once they can file. Others....are still processing and the act of the divorce still comes with emotions and a shock to the system so to speak. Plus various shades of grey in between the two extremes.

Above aside, I think he told you two important things. One is that he does want to continue with this relationship. Two is that he feels that you are getting ahead of him and getting too serious before he is ready for it. In other words, you aren't moving at the same pace. He effectively just pumped the brakes a bit on you. That's not necessarily a bad thing, since he is communicating with you and seeking mutual understanding, rather than just going cold on you and leaving you hanging. Talking about it and trying to work out what's mutually comfortable is actually healthy and a good sign. So I would pay attention to him pumping the brakes and be sure you aren't pushing things along too fast with him, but I wouldn't exactly freak out and pull back completely or run for the hills. I'd say slow down to his pace and let him pick it up more as he feels comfortable and see how that feels for the both of you.

I have not seen it yet but can't wait to see Bohemian Rhapsody!

 

Has anyone seen it?

Saw it and definitely good and worth seeing. Thought it was well acted and portrayed. Granted, I'm not a big fan who knows all the details of their bios, so...take that with a grain of salt.

They weren't told what they wanted to hear.

 

Alternatively, many threads digress into regular posters arguing with one another. I'd leave too.

Can also be that they heard what they expected or needed to hear so no further input required. A kind of am I right? Yes. Conversation over even if they don't put whatever they are thinking or seeking validation for explicitly.

People tend to post and argue more when they hear what they don't want to hear, at least in my observation.

Slow drivers in the left lane and drivers tapping on their brakes constantly without cause.....ugh......

Super appropriate for a break up site and quite hilarious. Tu es Foutu = you are fcked, btw...lmao

Btw, the original French version is better imo

nvm........ 10 char.....

Gorgeous perfect spring day :cool:

Fiona Apple - Shadowboxer

 

Oooh I haven't listened to her for a long time. Thanks of the reminder.

[video=youtube;xhpO8c8a9Lw] ]

[video=youtube;L2TiPWm2u7M] ]

Love his voice

[video=youtube;L3wKzyIN1yk] ]

[video=youtube;3x2ABSAMVno] ]

[video=youtube;BPKd__Tfb90] ]

[video=youtube;Nt4fp43U2ys] ]

[video=youtube;lwPrBchV3ZQ] ]