I'm 20. I met this waitress at my work 5 months ago. I started hitting on her not thinking anything of it until she offered me a ride home and told me her whole life story. She has had only one boyfriend who she was currently with and has been with since she was 15, who took her virginity and who she loves. He's a few years older than her and a year after they were together he moved to texas for a new job. She told me the first year that they were physically together, things were great with them but after he moved things gradually got bad. He didnt trust her and they fought alot as the years passed. She flew there every couple of months but the long distance was killing them. Anyway, she needs alot of attention and to be told she is beautiful cuz she, for some reason, has a low self-esteem. It's so bad shes actually mildly annorexic. Anyway, she told me that me hitting on her and telling her shes sexy and everything really got to her unlike anyone else has since her and her boyfriend have been together. We began hanging out outside of work and one night she kissed me but busted out crying with guilt telling me she loved him and she wasnt a cheater. I figured that would be it but i still hung out with her as friends. A few days later she kissed me again but didnt cry and we made out and stuff and she was happy. At this time of the relationship i was just out for sex, keeping my guard up. Eventually we had sex. She said she didnt feel bad afterwards like she thought she would. From than on we had sex on a regular basis but i still had my guard up. A month later she flew out to texas to visit him but it didnt bother me cuz at this point i felt like i got what i wanted, and i know thats terrible but ive been hurt alot in my life so its hard for me to open up. She called me almost everyday when she was there but i didnt answer. They fought while she was there and she came back early. Her and I continued to have sex and our relationship grew slowly. I started to care about her but i was still afraid to let her in. Suddenly about 2 months ago, without warning, i fell in love with her. I told her and it flattered her but she said i was moving to quick so i tried to push it away. I couldnt. One night we were fighting and i screamed out that i loved her and that i couldnt help how i felt and she told me she had fallen in love with me too. I got more attached each day. Her face became more beautiful as the time passed and i started to love the little things about her. I loved waking up next to her. I bought her flowers, i told her how beautiful she was, i helped her feel good about herself and almost completely helped her annorexia to where she would feel comfortable to eat around me and didnt feel guilty to be full.
But she still talked to her boyfriend when i wasnt around. It wasnt a secret, she told me she did but we just didnt talk about it so i kinda pretended she didnt.
Anyway...a few weeks ago she told me she loved me but she still has feelings for him and theres a reason for that. She said i came into her life for a reason but she had to go see why she still has feelings for him. She told me she was moving to texas to live with him and either have closure with him or have a future with him. If things werent working with him or she wasnt happy by june 30th, she will move back home but she doesnt want me to wait for her or anything. She wants me to move on and if god wants us to be together he will bring us together again. This hurts so much. She leaves tomorrow morning and i just said goodbye to her a few hours ago. We held each other and kissed each other and i told her all the good things shes brought out in me and how much i loved her and how much im scared and so did she. Than i walked her out to her car and hugged and kissed her and told her i loved her for the last time as she cried. Than i watched her drive away. Forever, im expecting.
I dont know what to do. My heart has been broken again. I know i should be a man and just move on but i cant. What hurts is that she doesnt even know if shes going to tell her boyfriend about me and what happened cuz shes afraid it will end their relationship. All i can think about is her. Theres no way im going to sleep tonight. I thought she was the one. I hope she comes back to me...
Anyway, sorry this is so long...someone please help me..thank you.
Scott
