What would your ex think if she read this post??
She would think "yes! I've brought him to his knees, I've destroyed him".....use that negative & turn it into something positive.
How many times in the past have you been with someone, broken up with them...then thought "I'll never find anyone like that again"?......only to find that you go out there & meet someone better. YOU will do that again. First you need to heal get yourself strong again, then get out there & find that person.
I know it's hard what you are feeling right now, I have felt the same many times in this last year "I never deserved this" I gave nearly 5 years of my life to a commitmentphobic our relationship was doomed the very first night we got together. I wanted it to work, while he, on the other hand was doing everything he could to sabotage it. It's a bitter, bitter experience to swallow, but the very thing that keeps me pushing on is the need to show him as well as myself is that he hasn't won, he hasn't destroyed me or the good that is inside me. I KNOW that when I'm fully healed I will meet someone who was everything that he wasn't.
YOU HAVE to keep that faith & hope, they have taken a lot from you, don't let them take that too.