dias

I wasn't put off or have any trouble by the intense feelings personally. I had and expressed intense feelings too. This part was fine with me. Yes it's good she moved on. I am sad because our communication was 10/10 which is very rare for me. I talked it with my friend, and yes he agrees this girl had 3 out of 4 which is very rare. Communication was 10/10, sex was 10/10, she was wealthy and although I paid for everything she always offered to split so the financial aspect was out of the equation anyway. She will inherit millions so I am pretty certain there are many guys chasing her for that alone. 3 out of 4 is pretty rare, especially the communication part and the chemistry. She wasn't for me looks-wise but I do feel lucky and blessed I met a person like her. Hope she will have a great life.

No her eagerness was nothing to do with it. I liked she was genuine. I was not sure about my feelings. If I had the same feelings she would be the one for sure. She is. Very unique as a person for sure. Yes I believe it's better now than later. She un-followed me on insta so that's a good sign.

It feels like a dream. I think it's better to stay this way. One beautiful memory to reminisce some day.

Ok, these last 4 days were one of the most strange and unique experiences I have ever had. Film-like experience I would say. Or dream like experience. I put bumble again last Friday, probably I was bored. I matched with a 28 years old girl, I was not that much attracted to her appearance but when she sent me a voice message then I got hooked because she had one of the nicest voices I have ever heard. We started sending voice messages and then having video calls and spending endless hours every day chatting. We met almost one week later on Thursday for a coffee. She was a bit heavier than the photos or what I could see on the videos but other than that the same person. We got along very well, and here is the thing, I haven't got along so well with a girl before. First time I was truly myself and I didn't have to filter what I say or just conversing about the standard things you say so you won't say something you shouldn't. We went for a walk and then we drove to a nice hill-top view. Lot's of kissing and foreplay, we tried sex but I couldn't get fully erected so we stopped. The story would have ended here normally. She was a little bit disappointed, I was in a bad mood because I couldn't get an erection, we would part ways and that's it. However, there was an unexpected turn of events. I left my car at a parking lot and when I arrived it was closed. She said I could sleep at her place, I thanked her and I said I would find a hotel. It was difficult to find a hotel at 1am in the morning though so we ended up at her place. She lives with her rich dad and step-mom. I felt really uncomfortable sleeping in a stranger's house at first but she was very forthcoming and I didn't meet her parents thankfully. We had sex that night. Relatively good sex but nothing crazy. We slept together holding hands. We woke up together. For some reason I felt serenity and peace. I really enjoyed her company and spending time together even though I wasn't attracted to her much physically-wise. She had a nice smile, an amazing voice, nice lips and perky boobs but other than that I wasn't attracted to her from this perspective. I really really liked her personality though and we got along great, certainly the most beautiful moments I have experienced with a girl. It's difficult to explain because I had very mixed feelings. Anyhow, we decided to see each other again the same day. She drove me to my car, I went home, changed and went back (2 hours each way in traffic - believe me when I say I would never do it for a girl I didn't like - I know because I had never done it before). We spent Friday at her place, imagine one of those 3+ million dollar mansions with swimming pools etc etc. We had fun, the awkwardness of the first day was gone and it was much better. Saturday we visited my parents house as it is near there. We had sex there as well. She met my parents too. We went for a stroll at the beach, I met her mother who happened to be there and then we went at a restaurant. We slept at my parents house and went back to her place. Swam in the swimming pool, watched TV etc. We slept there and we spent the morning today. I danced our hip-hop choreographies and did magic mike a bit with all those stripper's moves which she loved. I left this morning. On the way back, I processed my feelings because I didn't have any time to do that as we were 3 and a half days together 24/7. We had a video call, I told her I liked her, she is one of the cutest girl I have seen and it's the best time I have ever had with a girl. All true. 100% true. Then I told her I wasn't in love with her which is also true. I said we can stay friends but she didn't want. This is it pretty much. I have omitted some activities but this is the summary. The thing is, I was very confused about my feelings from the beginning as I wasn't physically attracted to her. On the other hand, aside from the first incident with my erection issue we had sex and foreplay about 15 times in 3 and a half days. We spent 6-7 hours having foreplay and sex every day which is a lot. Spent a lot of time saying sweet things too. She told me she was in love. Problem is I wasn't. She had everything I would like on a girl personality wise. Same sense of humour, witty, easy-going, fun, clever, same outlook on life and she also brought me this feeling of serenity I have never experienced before. Also, turned out later on, she was a kinky sub in bed which is a perfect fit for me. Personality wise and sex-wise she was hands down the perfect girl. I just wasn't attracted to her physically. In our last call, I could tell she was about to cry. She said that she feels all those things we experienced together and all those sweet words were a lie. It wasn't. I had the most beautiful time I have ever had with a girl. If I were physically attracted to her I would say she was the one for sure. I am also sad but I knew I wasn't in love with her while I could tell she was. Although I would have liked to continue seeing her because I was really into her personality I believe I did the right thing. It would be much more difficult later on. I might be shallow, I am thinking about it. Dunno.

Man, the hip-hop lessons have become more intense, I can barely talk after each session, especially since I joined a second team. It's physically demanding as it's very fast cardio in conjunction with right technique. The instructor already pointed 3 things I have to practice a lot and I am like I tried it's just my legs that don't obey as they should lol. I do want to participate to the performance of course for multiple reasons, mainly for becoming comfortable with stage performances, having 300+ people watching you, it would be a good lesson for sure. Second, I like it. There is a good chance I will freeze for some seconds. Hope not! The performance is essentially some kind of musical so it includes many choreographies which narrate a story. Kids start first followed by the adult teams. Unfortunately the owner decided to change the story and do it more kid friendly so the main story revolves around Disney characters. Of course the music would be a cool remix but the stage set and the outfits would be Disney like lol. I have to play Donald Duck...hahahahahahahaha I haven't done this kind of stuff since I was 10 years old in primary school. It will go great hahahahahaha The only thing I am worried about is that I am also looking for new clients and having interviews which is stressful, now doubling the frequency of the rehearsals for 2 months is adding much more weight on my shoulders and I am struggling to cope with both. Let's see how things go on both fronts.....I have to say though, I really wish I had found hip-hop when I was a kid. Sad indeed.

Thank you for your kind words @mylolita and your compliments, you making me blush!!! I do get what you are saying, I do. I am the kind of person though that I only believe when I see. And so far I have been on slippery slope trying to resolve long term problems with short term fixes. I am trying to change it consciously but I won't believe until something pretty good comes up for real. Fingers crossed!

I must been cursed, I can't explain it otherwise. I am interviewing with multiple clients and generally all interviews go well. However, when I really like the team and the project somehow things stall. Always something happens and the process stalls. One client changed its mind, the other says I am very expensive, there is always something. I am talking with two clients from the UK, one from Switzerland and one from the US. I would be fine with either the projects in the US or the UK but they have been flaky so far. The only concrete answer I got is from the Swiss client that I am not really interested in working. And I can't reject clients for no serious reason as the consultancy is losing money. I can't even get a mutual interest on a client level. Like wth? God, give me a break for once and give me something I like. You don't give me mutual interest with the women I like, at least give me a project I like.

I need to watch RocknRolla again for the 5 time. I love almost all the Guy Ritchie movies. I love the humor, it's so British. Mark Strong plays the coolest underboss ever. Well, he is half Italian, it makes sense. "I was trying to use initiative" "what is this a tennis match Arch" "he never went to school" "you cut them or you pay them but you keep the receipts because this ain't the mafia" Those four lines in the above scene always get me.

A start-up based in London reached out today. They said they offer remote working. I am not leaving the consultancy but it's easy to get tempted when they reach out with good offers. Now, my problem with getting a better job is that it does not solve the problem. Building your own successful start-up only solves it. I am at a stage in my life where I want and need permanent solutions on every level: job, women, location. I can't keep going with short-term fixes to long-term problems. I just can't.

Usually you don't get taxed on your income when it comes to the first 10K as a Greek resident. However, I am still a UK resident meaning this doesn't apply to me and I have to pay 700 euros. Next year it would be 1000 euros. Not only Greece has higher taxes than the UK (big difference believe me), I also have to pay because I am not a Greek resident (I mean from a tax perspective). Tax return -1K. Just great. Everything is going great these days.

A project manager is ignoring my messages these days. He was supposed to give me an update since the client is letting me go. He was supposed to tell me this in the first place, not the client. I get very irritated when people ignore me for no reason. When they want something they are lovely, when they don't they ignore you. He pinged me a week ago that he is searching for another project with the same client, I believe he said it just to say something which was not necessary. This irritates me the most, saying something just to say something. Don't f*cking say it. I am searching for new client anyways but I wanted to get a clear answer from him. Clear answer...Ha...in this world... what am I thinking...

Lol that's the typical a bit above average ***y looking girl that thinks the world owns her. Personally, I don't like that style so I have never approached in my life this type of girls (I get irritated even looking at this gal on the video lol), kudos to the guys who have the guts to feel humiliated. Having said that, this attitude is learned and can be un-learned very fast with something like this

Definitely watching this in the cinema! Brass knuckles are so cool, cooler than guns!

On a different subject, I have deleted the dating apps which is nice as they are distractions and time-wasters but now the dating pool is even smaller. I tried to start a conversation with the gal at the reception at the gym as she glanced a few times, I asked about memberships and the playlists etc, she was polite but that was that. I didn't ask her to get a coffee because I knew the answer. Well, the streets are difficult no doubt. Without dating apps, either you have big groups of friends where everyone is bringing other people and you meet gals this way or then it's the hard way. The only good thing about the hard way is that you go talk to the ones you like but otherwise it's a mountain to climb. It's exactly like trying to find a very good job without knowing anyone. Since I have been doing it years now and I know the process well, it's very difficult. Even with experience I send thousands of CVs and have double digit number of interviews before I land a job. And it was only two times in my life I got the job I wanted. Not easy at all. Of course some people naturally have it easier. They don't need to approach 100 girls to get one positive answer and they don't have to apply to 100 jobs to get one. We all know life is unfair and we would like to be like them but doesn't happen for everyone. I remember when I was promoting my mobile app in Liverpool years ago. I remember I sent thousands of marking campaigns to stores and business angels and nothing. So I had to do it the old school way. Designed and printed flyers, prepared sales-pitches (that didn't really work lol) and visited all the retail stores/restaurants/pubs in Liverpool. That was so old school. I remember the reactions of people, some didn't care even to listen to me, some closed the door in my face, some listened but where not interested, some listened and they told me to come again another time, some threw my flyers to the bin in front of me (that hurt because I designed and paid for the flyers myself), some already had a similar app, some "mocked" me etc. I counted the number of stores I visited to see when someone would say yes. It took about 80 stores. Eventually, 3 popular restaurants and 3 pubs singed in the app (which was free anyway). Then covid hit and everything shut down. But I remember the feeling of getting rejected so many times and so rudely, it's not nice at all. People say that you shouldn't get influenced by that. Yeah, right, in a parallel universe maybe. Constant rejection is going to affect you (at least most people), it makes you question your self-worth. Yes, you should continue doing it until you get a positive answer but it's way easier said than done. Of course, when I got my first client, my adrenaline level skyrocketed. Certainly one of the key moments of my life. I don't think I have ever been more excited than that day. Now, aside from Covid there was no actual business plan behind so it wouldn't work anyway but achieving only 0.5% of what could be a life-long journey was no small feat. Certainly my proudest moment in life. Wow, I digressed with the Liverpool memories. Anyway, approaching women the old school way is equally hard at least for me. You get the same reactions and although I know the game and it does not affect me that much, it is still not easy to beat the numbers game and it's not enjoyable getting rejected. There is no other way for me since I don't have groups of friends. I am really paying the price of being a loner. In the next life I wish I would be a peoples person.

Maybe it's good they booted me now because I don't like the new team/project anyways. I don't learn anything new, the tasks are boring and I don't mix well with the people. There are not *ssholes or anything, we just have different communication styles and completely different way of working so they end up irritating me (probably I irritate them too). Two weeks left and I have to start applying for new projects. There is always pressure to find another client as soon as possible because if you sit without a project for long eventually they will boot you from the consultancy. Wouldn't be nice making a proper salary from the Youtube channel or having my own consultancy so I wouldn't care? Ah, that would be awesome. Giving them a nice middle finger! Now I have to care despite the fact I am not in the mood of going through stupid interviews again, re-iterating the same b*ll*** and taking stupid coding tests.