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  • Olivia Sanders
    Olivia Sanders

    When You Don't Trust a Friend's New Spouse

    Many of us will have experienced being at a social gathering, only to be surprised when one of our friends reveals that they are engaged or married to someone new. It can be an exciting moment, but sometimes it can also be daunting if we feel as though we don't know much about the new person in our friend's life. This can be especially true if our friend's new husband has two deceased wives on his resume. How do you move forward in a situation like this? First, let's talk through some of the options available.

    The most obvious solution is to simply step back and let your friend be. It is often the case that we can feel protective of our friends, particularly those who are in new relationships. We want them to be happy, of course, and so we may feel uncomfortable about expressing our concerns about the person in their life. But self-restraint is key here; your friend is an adult, and ultimately it is up to them to make their own decisions. It is entirely possible that your friend is aware of the implications of their partner's marital history and has made an informed decision to continue the relationship anyway.

    But let's say that you can't shake off the nagging feeling that something is amiss. In this case, it is important to remember that you don't necessarily need to "say" something right away. Depending on the strength of your friendship, it might actually be best to stay silent and just observe the new relationship for a while. This can be an excellent way to form your own judgement about the new husband without forcing yourself into a position where you have to immediately confront your friend about it.

    If you do observe something that looks suspicious or a behavior that doesn't appear to be genuine, you still don't necessarily have to outright tell your friend. You can always find respectable and objective support for yourself, such as talking to counselors or talking to organizations that specialize in handling such matters. This can be beneficial in and of itself, as it can help to provide guidance and support and may help to give you clarity when it comes to deciding what to do next.

    However, if worse comes to worst and your friend's new husband is found to have malicious intentions, then it is best to take swift and decisive action. If you can't discuss the matter with your friend in an objective and understanding manner, then it might be best to reach out to the right authorities who can handle the situation. This could involve contactings law enforcement, or the local domestic violence support center.

    Of course, not all hope is lost; it is entirely possible that you misjudged the situation and that your friend is happier than ever with their new spouse. In any case, it is important to take as much time as you need to form your own opinion before taking any kind of action, whether that action is silence or further investigation. Your friend and their new partner should be respected, trusting that you can all get through this together.

    The messiness that can occasionally be associated with close friendships can be overwhelming, but it's important to remember that we need to love and accept each other even when things don't go quite as expected. how you deal with the situation will depend largely on how closely you and your friend are connected. If your bond is strong enough, there may be some room to talk candidly and objectively about the situation, and address whatever doubts or worries you may have. After all, friends look out for each other, no matter what.

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