Dear eNotAlone: My name is John and I'm feeling a lot of things toward my best friend Jenn, both happy and confused. We've known each other for nearly four years and now our friendship has progressed to a level where it's more intimate and romantic than ever before.
I love being around her, spending as much time together as we can. We have such amazing conversations about anything and everything. We laugh together, share our deepest secrets, dreams, disappointments and worries. We are so comfortable with one another that it's like no one else in the world exists. Whether we're out or at home just sitting on the couch or in bed, neither of us can resist the impulse to be close to one another.
Recently, I've noticed that we often find ourselves touching each other without any conscious consideration. We hug and I get butterflies in my stomach when she wraps her arms around me. When she kisses me, it sets my heart racing.
The problem is, I don't know if Jenn feels the same way or if she has just been caught up in the moment. I want nothing more than for us to become a couple but it terrifies me that things could go wrong and our friendship could be ruined. It feels like there is so much at stake and I'm scared of taking risks.
What can I do? How can I tell Jenn how I feel about her and make sure that our friendship stays intact even if she doesn't feel the same way about me?
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It sounds like you are potentially moving from just being good friends to having a romantic relationship and there's definitely some risk involved. Making that leap can feel daunting and even scary, because it can affect the whole dynamic of your friendship.
That being said, it can also bring huge rewards and open up beautiful possibilities – if it goes right.
The first step is to take a step back, take a deep breath and assess what it is you really want. You say you love being around Jenn and that it's like no one else in the world exists when you're with her. That might be a sign that there is a strong romantic connection between you. But without talking to her, you won't be sure.
So if you are serious about exploring a romantic relationship with Jenn, you should try talking to her about it. Communication is key here: let her know that you've been feeling these moments that make you think about something more, tell her about the thoughts in your head and how you can't get her out of your head sometimes.
Be honest with her, but also allow time for her to take it all in, since it might come as a surprise to her. If you both feel confident to open up and trust each other, then you can talk openly and candidly about what you're both experiencing — be it good or bad. Doing this will help you both figure out where your friendship is headed and if you can handle taking it to the next level.
At the same time, remember that whatever happens, you two will always be friends. It's important to keep that in mind, so that any changes in your relationship won't put your friendship at risk. Tell her that you still value her friendship no matter what happened and that it's important to keep your friendship strong even if you started dating. This can be a scary process, but it's possible that you two could find yourselves in a beautiful, positive, and exciting journey if you both feel the same way.