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  • Steven Robinson
    Steven Robinson

    How Do I Move On From an Obsession With Someone I Just Met?

    I think I'm love-sick... or maybe it's just an obsession? Either way, I'm feeling so strongly for someone I met recently and I don't know how to move on.

    This person is full of life, constantly making me feel as though I must be dull in comparison. I mean, I can hold a conversation with ease and laugh at the odd joke, but things like partying, festivals, and moving around just aren't my thing. I don't understand why I choose to stay firmly planted down one path instead of trying to explore different opportunities.

    Nonetheless, the person I'm into—let's call him Ben—is somewhere beyond amazing. The way he talks to me when we hang out, the way his deep brown eyes captivate me, even when we're just passing by each other—everything just makes me fall further and further away from knowing what reality is and what isn't. It feels almost like I'm being pulled into Ben.

    It's been about 3 weeks since we first met, and now I find myself trying to dissect every text, analyzing every conversation, and picking apart his words bit by bit looking for things that could possibly make me think he feels the same. I've even obsessed over his music tastes and activities, so much so that I'm listening to the same kind of songs, watching the same videos, etc., just to feel closer to him.

    I worry I'm going too far, even though I'm worried the opposite will happen and Ben won't end up interested in me at all. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I expect us to be serious right off the bat, but I still want to express what I'm feeling in some way.

    I feel so deeply for this person and I don't know what to do - have I already jumped too deep? Where do I go from here? How should I act? What should I say? I'm thoroughly lost and unable to come up with any solutions.

    * * *

    Being cooly aloof and cautiously exploring the possibilities of a new connection can be difficult when you're feeling deeply for someone. When the ache of unrequited longing reaches its fever pitch, keeping your feelings in check while attempting to figure out the connection between the two of you can seem downright impossible. But with a bit of thought and effort, you can come up with some creative ways to safely express yourself while simultaneously opening the door to a potential relationship.

    The last thing you want to do right now is to rush into things. Spend some time getting to know yourself and digging into what it is that propelled you down this path in the first place. Far too many times, people turn to external relationships as a way of avoiding dealing with the uncomfortable and sometimes painful inner aspects of themselves. We each contain multitudes, and sometimes we don't want to reckon with those less pleasing parts, so we cling to another person instead.

    If you are in a place where you can adequately explore the depths of your internal landscape and accept yourself wholly, then you can start to consider sharing a bit more of yourself with Ben. Opening up slowly can allow both of you to form a trust-based connection while also giving you both enough space to explore feelings. Consider discussing how connected you feel, without digging too deeply into specific details. Openly expressing how you feel allows Ben to see inside your heart without pushing or demanding anything. This will help him to better understand why you're so smitten, making it easier for him to open himself up to the same possibilities.

    Communicating often can also give the two of you something else to bond over, fostering a deeper connection between the two of you. Participate in shared activities. Doing something together can give you both a new experience to talk about and add to your ever-growing catalog of shared memories. If there's something he enjoys that you aren't as familiar with, it's okay to try it out and find out what you both enjoy, understanding that it's difficult to wholly appreciate something until you've actually tried it.

    These small acts of connecting can elevate your budding relationship to an entirely new level. As always, it's important to remain mindful when it comes to feelings. If they are completely unnecessary and potentially toxic, choose to leave them behind. After all, you owe it to yourself to rest in security and surround yourself with the people who love you and treat you right.

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