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  • Paula Thompson
    Paula Thompson

    How do I deal with a crush when they don't feel the same way?

    Having a crush is exciting, but it can also be a source of anxiety. Crushes can be thrilling and intoxicating, yet, when the person you have your eye on does not return your affections in kind, it can bring about a lot of heartache. Feeling unloved, undervalued or rejected is a very difficult emotion to process. If you're finding it hard to deal with your feelings, here are some tips that may help.

    Acknowledge Your Feelings. It's important to recognize how you feel. Crush-related emotions can be overwhelming and all-encompassing. Even if these feelings are unwelcome, it's crucial to be honest with yourself and confront them head-on instead of suppressing them. Naming your feelings can help you put a bit more distance between yourself and them. A common pitfall of having a crush is that we try to pretend it's nothing and make ourselves believe we're not really invested. Letting yourself feel without judgement is step one.

    Be Kind to Yourself. After being turned down and feeling hurt, it is easy to fall into self-critical and pessimistic thinking patterns. Remind yourself that you won't always be rejected – this doesn't say anything about you as an individual or your worthiness for love. Good self-care is essential; allow yourself to indulge in activities that make you happy, fill your day with activities you enjoy, and just lose yourself in the moment. Practice self-affirmations and positive self-talk which helps change your outlook and boosts self-confidence.

    Distance Yourself. While it might be tempting to stick around and keep up with your crush's every move in real life or on social media, this isn't healthy. When you keep tabs on someone after being denied, it only serves to remind you of your broken heart again and again. It will only make you more attached and raise the risk of jealousy. If you think you need to take a break, that's okay! Put some distance between the two of you and find distraction in other things. Let yourself create a new routine that leaves little room for mental wandering.

    Keep Living. Life goes on, and it's okay to keep going on yours even after a painful rejection. "Living it forward" rather than "living it backward" means that you don't become stuck in the past and obsess about what you could have done differently or lost out on. You have a lot to explore and experience; break old habits and look for opportunities in your daily events and explore new activities. Having a goal or something to work towards strengthens your positive frame of mind and will help you move the focus away from unrequited love.

    Stay Busy. One of the best ways to get through a situation like this is to stay busy so that you don't have to constantly think about your current predicament. Find a hobby that keeps your hands occupied and your head busy. Focus on creative outlets like music and art, throw yourself into your studies or try something physical such as running or group sports. It's sure to help take your mind off "what ifs" and give you an opportunity to engage in something new.

    It's natural to feel upset, heartbroken and disheartened when someone doesn't reciprocate your crush's affections. However, what's most important is to know that rejection never means you're not worthy of being loved. Pick yourself up, take time to nurture yourself, and search for your own happiness.

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