You have NO idea how mad I will be if you start dating that random girl you met at the bar so quickly after our breakup. She's not even of age and we both know you'd just be settling with ANOTHER girl you have no emotional connection to whatsoever. I won't be jealous, because now I know what a lackluster partner you are... but I will be offended, and I don't really know why.
Also, we're not friends and we're never going to be friends. You're a crappy person and other than as a boyfriend, I have no use for you. You have no idea how to navigate a friendship with anyone and you ALWAYS complained about every single one of your friends behind their backs to me - why would you think I would willingly subject myself to that?
STOP BEING SO SCARED OF FEELING THINGS. What kind of person spends their whole life looking for certain things in a partner, then runs away when they finally find it? Did you really think falling in love for the first time in years and being close to someone for the first time in years would mean that you didn't have to deal with all of the other things in your life that you constantly ignore? And furthermore, dumping me and running away from the girl you had "big, scary FEELINGS" for won't make all of the bad feelings go away. They're going to resurface again, but tnext time you probably won't be with someone as loving and understanding as me to help you through it.
Nickelback sucks, the songs you wrote suck, your voice sucks, and you have stupid hair. Stop thinking you're the best thing since sliced bread. Oh, and you have an ugly car and dress like a square so I'd have to say that NO, I don't miss you. Stop asking.
And don't be condescending to me every time you find out that something good happens or that my life is going well. I know it may come as a shock to you, but it took me very little time to stop pining after you. You have no idea how annoyed I get when you seem genuinely surprised not to find me crying my eyes out over your sorry butt.
And by the way, your friends and family all said and still say that you didn't deserve me and that I was the best girl you'd ever dated. And yeah, when you dumped me, tons of your close friends put a lot of effort into consoling me. Wonder why you don't see them anymore? I never breathed a bad word about you and never will outside of this forum, but they saw a crappy boyfriend dumping an awesome girl and chose their side.
Suck it.