He's not IN LOVE with me anymore :( ..

[yumenekoi]

(edited)

 

Hello everyone,

 

I'm new here @ enotalone. I hope I'm posting this in the right place.

 

I don't really know how to explain all of this.. this is such a long story.. so please bear with me .

 

I've been in a long distance relationship for 2 years (august was our 2nd year anniversary) and it ended recently. First, I want to explain that we have NOT met each other b/c of parental problems. I'm 21, and he's 20 and he's in college. My parents were okay with me meeting him and maybe living nearer to him to support him with college. But, his parents weren't. They were never supportive of our relationship from the beginning and forbid him from seeing me or vice versa. I have to admit that this factor greatly took away part of our happiness together. I wanted to see him, but I feared that his parents might find out and hate me. The fact that we couldn't see each other, hold each other, or do anything physical, some how hurt our relationship. We talked & cammed (using web cameras) together. We have tried to keep it together for 2 years.

 

(edit)

 

Now that it's said and done... he told me that he wasn't IN LOVE with me anymore.. (can someone please explain to me what that means .. does that mean that I'm boring to him.. and that we.. can't connect anymore? ).. but he stills LOVES me and cares for my happiness (i'm not sure what that means either..) and that he's so busy with school work and he didn't have time for a relationship. at first, it was surreal. The night before, everything was great. We had no problems. But then, I found out that he didn't tell me how much I had hurt him ( I have a disorder called Borderline Personality Disorder , and he knew about it as well .. I get mood swings and get irrational about a lot of things) and he kept it all inside. I wish he had told me... then maybe I could have somehow tried to fixed things or change myself for him.. and.. I was angry.. and shocked.. but for some reason, I knew that this was how he was feeling. I keep blaming myself... not only that, his parents also forbid him to talk to me or else they'll take away their financial support for him (since he's in college) ... but he still does ... very little talk though.... before we were partners, we were best friends... now... it's so different. We don't share thoughts, feelings... or anything like that.. I've been very depressed for the past couple of weeks and I can't stop thinking about him. Every night I cry...

 

I try to hang on to the little hope that he has given me. He told me that after he graduates college , we might have a chance to start over again ... to fall in love again.. but that's 2 years from now... Should I wait... or should I avoid the hurt that will come out from this? I am hurting now.. but I can heal... I can forgive and forget.. but he told me that the scars I gave him can't heal.. and that he can only heal in time.... but should I wait..? I'm not so sure..

 

If anyone can give me advice, I would appreciate your thoughts, thank you.

[Mar]

I hate to say it, but I would move on. He's in the tough position of trying to finish college and obviously needs his parents' support to do that. You've never met him, and while 2 years is definitely a long time for an online relationship, you'll heal faster than you think.

 

If he's not "in love with you", it's because he can't even touch you. Being in love with someone is definitely different from just loving them. You love your friends in that you care what happens to them, you want the best for them, you don't want to see them hurt. But being in love means that your heart beats a little faster when you see that person you're in love with, you wait to hear from them every chance you can, you buy little things to show them you love them, and you show them PHYSICALLY, which is obviously impossible in your current situation. You've never once touched him, he was basically words and a picture on a screen. I'm not trying to lessen his importance at ALL, trust me. But it's nearly impossible to be in love with someone you can only talk to and never once touch, unless you're that one-in-a-million couple who just has that connection that no one else can get, and can maintain it until circumstances are right. I met my b/f online and we've been together 2 years too, but he's LIVED with me those two years, so it's slightly different. And if your guy has 2 more years to go, that's a long time to put your life on hold when you and he could both be meeting someone who's more suited for you, i.e. you can actually BE with them.

 

I would let him go, I really would. Otherwise he's feeling guilty for making you wait, he's caught between you and his parents, and he might meet someone there at school and be torn between you, who he has on his computer, and them, who's right there. And I'm sorry because I know this sounds awful, but it's more than likely. Give both of you a chance at being with someone in "real life", because you're missing out on SO much by only limiting yourself to someone you can't even meet for another 2 years, if then!

[reborn]

Yumenikoi,

WElcome to enotalone. Hope you are feeling better. When someone we care about and will like to continue with decides to breakup with us, is always difficult and painful. I wrote you a private message. Please check your inbox.

-Reborn

[matt_20]

yumenekoi - I'm sorry to hear about how you feel.

 

I can get you my advice, I have been in a long distance relationship too. It is still rocky right now, we broke up a month or so ago and this 'just friends' thing hasn't gone well... for me basically because.. my feelings for her, which she also feels for me.

 

Anyway, enough of me talking. Hear is my advice.

 

Have you guys ever taken a good break from each other? A week or two at least?

 

I would also recommend that you fix yourself. You said you had some sort of a problem, not sure exactly what it is. But, I would say, improve yourself, make yourself happy yourself. In two ways this will help you. It is much more appealing for a guy or girl to be taking care of themselves, caring for themselves.. somehow let him know you're happy right now, you're moving onto maybe, not sure how far you go with that. But, make it seem like you're strong willed and show him this. If that doesn't work, and you have really worked on it, you should end up being happy with yourself in the end.

 

Hope this helps...