(edited)
Hello everyone,
I'm new here @ enotalone. I hope I'm posting this in the right place.
I don't really know how to explain all of this.. this is such a long story.. so please bear with me .
I've been in a long distance relationship for 2 years (august was our 2nd year anniversary) and it ended recently. First, I want to explain that we have NOT met each other b/c of parental problems. I'm 21, and he's 20 and he's in college. My parents were okay with me meeting him and maybe living nearer to him to support him with college. But, his parents weren't. They were never supportive of our relationship from the beginning and forbid him from seeing me or vice versa. I have to admit that this factor greatly took away part of our happiness together. I wanted to see him, but I feared that his parents might find out and hate me. The fact that we couldn't see each other, hold each other, or do anything physical, some how hurt our relationship. We talked & cammed (using web cameras) together. We have tried to keep it together for 2 years.
(edit)
Now that it's said and done... he told me that he wasn't IN LOVE with me anymore.. (can someone please explain to me what that means .. does that mean that I'm boring to him.. and that we.. can't connect anymore? ).. but he stills LOVES me and cares for my happiness (i'm not sure what that means either..) and that he's so busy with school work and he didn't have time for a relationship. at first, it was surreal. The night before, everything was great. We had no problems. But then, I found out that he didn't tell me how much I had hurt him ( I have a disorder called Borderline Personality Disorder , and he knew about it as well .. I get mood swings and get irrational about a lot of things) and he kept it all inside. I wish he had told me... then maybe I could have somehow tried to fixed things or change myself for him.. and.. I was angry.. and shocked.. but for some reason, I knew that this was how he was feeling. I keep blaming myself... not only that, his parents also forbid him to talk to me or else they'll take away their financial support for him (since he's in college) ... but he still does ... very little talk though.... before we were partners, we were best friends... now... it's so different. We don't share thoughts, feelings... or anything like that.. I've been very depressed for the past couple of weeks and I can't stop thinking about him. Every night I cry...
I try to hang on to the little hope that he has given me. He told me that after he graduates college , we might have a chance to start over again ... to fall in love again.. but that's 2 years from now... Should I wait... or should I avoid the hurt that will come out from this? I am hurting now.. but I can heal... I can forgive and forget.. but he told me that the scars I gave him can't heal.. and that he can only heal in time.... but should I wait..? I'm not so sure..
If anyone can give me advice, I would appreciate your thoughts, thank you.
