I feel a letter is the only way he can listen to me ...

[SweetypieEnlightenedOne]

I need help from anyone who can help me.

 

I want to write my boyfriend a letter telling him how I feel. I am extremly frustrated with him at this point. He is starting to act the way he used to when things just started falling apart. But he thinks he knows everthing and he is right about everything. I am about to let it go, I don't feel like feeling frustrated all the time. It has gotten to the point that I feel a letter is the only way he can listen to me without cutting me off or finishing my sentences and trying to win every argument.

 

Just if anyone can tell me how to write this letter let me know. If not..then ok too.

[eclipse]

Write down what you want to say first like major points on how you feel, then put it all together in a letter. Don't hold back either, you say he's stubborn and thinks he's always right, nows your chance to prove him wrong, he can't argue with a letter.

[enadevoli]

oh man......i know exactly how you feel about not being able to say anything because the other person always cuts you off & thinks they are right (only it was with my best friend, not a bf).....

let them know exactly what is bothering you. also, make sure you tell them that you would tell them to their face, only they would just interrupt you & not let you say what you feel. Don't perposely offend him though by saying things like you are stupid for always thinking you are right (just a example, not a very good one), don't do name calling or anything like that. Just tell him the truth, I can understand that some of the truth might offend him, but as long as you aren't throwing random things in there to purposely make him upset, its ok. Even if you are really upset about the whole thing, don't make him feel like you are yelling at him through a letter. I know from personal experience that I don't like listening to people when they yell. It might be more effective to be calm. He needs to understand whats going on.

I hope this helps you., but just know that just because you tell him these things doesn't mean he's going to ever change.[/u]

[Aura Seeker]

Hi Sweetipie,

 

Write the letter with all the emotions you are feeling. Vent in the letter. Blast him.

 

Then, put the letter down for a whole day and night, then read over it and see if that's really how and what you want to say.

 

It's amazing how things look different in 24 hrs. Plus it really brings out exactly what you do want to say. As you're reading you will go....oh, don't want that....and yep....defininatly that! It filters it out into a rational letter.

 

A

[Babes]

Write him a list of 101 reasons why you love him. I did this for my ex and he still do this day talks about it. He couldnt believe that I could come up with 101 then a month later I have him alonther 101 reasons. Its just a thought things like. The way you smile, How much you love to play football. They way you make me feel when you walk in a room. Things like that

[Aura Seeker]

I was also going to add this, then got busy at work....

 

When you are writing the letter to him, I have found in the past the most effective way is to watch terminalogy.

 

For instance, instead of.... you are such a jerk when you cut me off and I am talking. Very rude.

 

Try to stay away from blame terms like YOU do this and YOU do that.

 

Go instead with.....When you interrupt me when I am talking *I* feel that you do not take what I have to say seriously. It's important to me in our relationship that you feel some respect for me.

 

When you use the YOU word to him....it will put his defenses up, and the objective is to have him hear what you are trying to tell him. ;-)

 

Hope that helps

 

A

[autumn]

I know what you mean. It's very difficult to get through to people like that. Men are usually worse than women in this - women usually tell men how they feel (or try to), whereas men don't really want to face issues dead on.

 

Listening is an art that is learned. I don't think many people are very great listeners naturally. But you really have to start caring about people to listen. You have to stop being selfish and sacrifice your own views many times. I've gone through this. It can be very upsetting. When you are honestly ready to have your views challenged, it's like "Oh my God, don't tell me everything I learned in life was wrong." This is devastating. Change is excruciating. And I think men tend to run from this.

 

So how do you get him to listen? There are volumes written on the subject. Let me tell you what got me - the possibility of losing somebody dear and precious. If you love someone deep enough, you will change - because your special one is a LIFE-CHANGING force in your life, no matter how painful it is.

 

I've used some techniques as well recently to get my woman's attention. For example, she may infer that she doesn't care about how I feel or think about something. My response is to never respond on that issue - I stay silent...that really gets her. She'll say, "Why do you never have anything to say about that?" I'll say, "Because you have clearly told me/showed me that you don't care about how I feel about it." Then, I won't budge...this actually went on for about 2 weeks about one issue. Then, a few days ago, she was frustrated, opened up the issue to discussion (the way she should have from the start), and said, "Alright then! How do you feel about this and that?" Her opinion was still different than mine, but both of us were heard on the issue.

 

I've found that instead of trying to be heard, silence can be a real killer. (After all, he IS shutting you up, right?)

 

Good luck, Sweetypie.