My mom is ALWAYS screaming!

[DinkyTeacup]

My mother is obssessed with Feng Shui, buddhism, incense and all things that have to do with healthy auras, bringing peace and tranquility into the home, etc.- BUT she doesn't realize that all of these rituals are canceled out by NEGATIVE behaviors and perspectives. My mom is ALWAYS screaming about something. Whether it's at me, my brother or the dog, she is always shouting and yelling.

 

Just this morning, she was shouting at me all because she couldn't understand something I explained to her about my boyfriend's job. She got so mad and started screaming about how ridiculous it was and how it didn't make sense and she didn't stop yelling for a half hour. I never yell back. I just talk in a normal tone and try to make her see that there is no reason for her to be yelling. It doesn't gain you anything or fix anything.

 

Not one day goes by in our household where my mother doesn't have a meltdown that includes excessive shouting and screaming. She constantly accuses me of acting like I know everything, just because I point out to her that just because she's never heard of something, doesn't mean that it doesn't exist, or because I explain something to her that she doesn't understand. It drives me crazy.

 

I always tell her that it's rude and immature of her to act that way and that there is no reason to shout, but she doesn't care. She says, "That's just how I talk." If she expects others to treat her with respect and tone down their annoying, rude behaviors, why can't she do the same for others who are asking nicely?

 

Why does my mother feel the need to scream for everything? It's like poison. It makes everyone around her edgy and unhappy. I am dying to move out of my house, because I can't take it anymore.

 

Any advice for how I can make my mom see that she needs to change her ways? She won't see a therapist or take medication of any kind. She just won't. She doesn't understand that she has a problem. She doesn't see her screamfests as negativity. So, I need another alternative. If she continues and won't stop, I am just going to quit speaking to her, because it isn't worth the aggravation she makes me feel for no reason.](*,)

[Clementine orange]

Time to move out. This will suck the life out of you eventually

[DinkyTeacup]

Time to move out. This will suck the life out of you eventually

 

It already is. I have trouble sleeping a lot of the time and I hate to be at home. I'm miserable., but I don't have the financial means to leave yet. It's going to take me a while.

[flower99]

well this suggestion probably sound far fetched & it is...but it might work. It's the only thing that comes to mind. (Other than the obvious which you already know,move out.)

Get a tape recorder & tape her for a day.

Play it back to her. Show her how it all comes out & how it sounds to others.

[Aleadragonhawk]

I agree with Flower on this. Your mother obviously isn't facing up to the reality of the situation. Make a tape of her - a video tape might work best, if she gets physically involved when she's yelling - and show it to her. She's obviously refusing to face that something is wrong, but it's pretty hard for her to avoid the reality of the subject when faced with proof. If you can't have a conversation with her about what's going on, consider writing a letter to her - at least then, you will be able to get out all of your thoughts without her constantly interrupting or screaming at you.

 

Another thing that might help is having everyone involved in this situation have an intervention with her. If you're the only one telling her that something is wrong, she's less likely to believe it than if the entire family is saying something is wrong.

[DinkyTeacup]

well this suggestion probably sound far fetched & it is...but it might work. It's the only thing that comes to mind. (Other than the obvious which you already know,move out.)

Get a tape recorder & tape her for a day.

Play it back to her. Show her how it all comes out & how it sounds to others.

 

That is a great idea! I've never thought of that before. I have a video camera. I am going to see if I can pull this off. Thank you.

[DinkyTeacup]

If you can't have a conversation with her about what's going on, consider writing a letter to her - at least then, you will be able to get out all of your thoughts without her constantly interrupting or screaming at you.

 

Another thing that might help is having everyone involved in this situation have an intervention with her. If you're the only one telling her that something is wrong, she's less likely to believe it than if the entire family is saying something is wrong.

 

She would never read it. She'd throw it in the trash. She's stubborn that way. My brother and father are tired of it, too, but my dad won't do anything about it. He'd rather not upset her further. My brother, on the other hand, really can't stand it either and tells me all the time, but he's just like my dad. He'd rather bite his tongue, so as not to make her scream more.

 

It's ridiculous.

[flower99]

well the intervention does sound good. But you would have to get dad & brother to agree. I'd ask them, maybe confronting her all together might be easier for them.

if they don't agree...I 'd try taping her so she can see & hear herself, as others do.

Otherwise, buy ear plugs

that's hard, it's a negative pill constantly screaming at you. I wish you luck & happiness.

[rocio]

It sounds like some professional counselling could do her (and you) alot of good. Find some crafty way of convincing her it's her idea. (Since she wouldn't take it well if you told her. She would probably bite your head off!) Convince her it's some new buddhist trend or something.

[DG9]

Hi DinkyTeacup!

 

My mum and your mum sounds VERY similar! my mother is EXTREMELY religious and superstitious and sometimes is drove me NUTS esp because of the yelling and screaming matches! She easliy misunderstands and fights with ANYONE in the house

 

I suppose moving out of the home is an option... but if by anychance in isnt... Im sorry to say, but u CANNOT CHANGE HER! your mother has passed the years of changing who she is (UNLESS she really wants to, but thats on HER TERMS)

 

I live at home and moving out was NEVER an option for me but now me and my mother get along GREAT!!! first it was SOOOO PAINFUL to talk to her avoide arguments becaus ei get mad easily too! but in the end... I'm kind of immune to all that! she still gets mad for no reason and shouts and fights... but as soon as i understood and accepted that she cant be changed i realized that it didnt affect me anymore!

 

Its complicationg but u CAN find away to cope with it! I dont want to push her away just because she annoys me, and then later regret it... im not sure if u fell the same way too...

 

GOOD LUCK!!!

[DinkyTeacup]

I'm trying to cope, but I get really frustrated and sad. Sometimes she apologizes when she knows she's been harsh for no reason, but still, another fight will just be around the corner.