Friendship with my housemate being destroyed

[Miss Jayne]

I decided to use this forum as I desperately need some neutral advise regarding a friendship.

 

I've recently started dating a guy who is friends with my housemate. She is not at all happy that we're seeing each other and has not spoken to me for over 2 weeks now, since the night I got together with this guy. We live in the same house and its at the point of unbearable now.

 

Everyone keeps telling me that we need to chat and sort this out but at the moment she won't even be civil towards me and doesn't even repond when I say hello to her in the mornings, leaving her boyfriend (who also lives with us) to respond to my greetings.

 

We are both extremely non-confrontational people and the only reason I know what her issue with me is, is because I asked her if she had a problem with me dating her friend and she replied in an e-mail saying that yes she did. Basically she seems to be completely jealous and seems to feel that if I date her friend, their friendship will deteriorate.

 

I'm at the point now, where I don't feel I should have to justify my relationship to her or try to win her approval. I'm furious at the childish way she is behaving towards me, having tried to be the bigger person and be friendly, but she just won't reciprocate at all.

 

Any advice would be greatfully accepted.

[Gus Almighty]

The big thing is you need to get her to talk to you calmly. For some reason she is acting irrational and its not making sense to you without clarification.

 

She may hold a deep spot in her heart for the guy even though they are just friends and this could be part of her anger, or jealousy if you will.

[TheFoglifter]

I believe the first thing you need to do is understand your friend's point of view. Childish or not, she feels very strongly about her position. As it stands, she has a friend, and a housemate (who is also a friend). Now the housemate and friend are a couple, which completely changes the balance.

 

You did not specify (perhaps because she has not told you) WHY specifically your friend is worried. Is she worried because:

 

- She will now get less time with the guy because he will prioritize you over her?

 

- The guy will ALWAYS be around now because you are dating him?

 

- She knows something you don't know about him, or has feelings for him herself?

 

You could try writing your friend a letter and asking her to respond in kind. Writing thoughts out makes it easier to focus thoughts, and avoid saying something in anger. Alternatively, you could try communicating through a medium such as her boyfriend, but that drags an unnecessary party directly into the line of fire.

 

You DON'T need her approval to date the guy, and she is free to disapprove. She is also free to keep the reasons to herself, and as such, prioritize her disapproval over your friendship.

 

As such you could consider delivering your message in a neat little package. Tell her very simply "Don't expect anything to change if you can't sit down and have a civil conversation" or perhaps something like "Acting childish isn't going to stop me from seeing who I want to see".

 

Good luck.

[ghost69]

when relationships come between friendships, a lot of problems arise....in most cases. you need to have a talk and see why she is so bothered.