Am I being passive agressive here?

[Hero_99]

I want to get people's opinions here on whether I am sounding passive aggressive here. Essentiatially the whole set-up is that I am working in a group of 4 people to create a play in German for a German language class at the University I attend. There are two guys and two females in the group [i am one of the guys]. Essententially, what had happened was that the other guy had wrote a short half page script and sent it to everyone through the e-mail, as a result I promised the guy I would add to it and send it to everyone. Well, I did, I added to it and then realized that it would be chaotic to have everyone try to work on it through e-mail and since it was apparent we could not always meet in person I set-up a wiki on my own website for the whole entire group to have open access to all scripts via the internet and placed what he wrote inside of the wiki. I e-mailed everyone and told them that I had did this for them and they all said it was really neat. However, absolutly none of them, including the guy who is claiming that he is quote " in the absense of most of out group-members providing me with ideas for the script, I have been creating ideas on my own time" ... notice he posits the preposition "me" in this instance as opposed to saying something like "no one has really been generating any ideas to the group," which I actually would not say is entirely true in this instance taking that I have seen him think that he can turn down suggestions for lines to put into the script. Even suggestions that I have made to be put in the script. Plus, we have been working a little in class, although that has not really gone anywhere due to having only a limited amount of time to work together and from absolutly no one really collaborating online on the wiki I created.

 

In any case, he says something to the effect that I use " illocutionary force," like I am forcing him to do something he does not want to do. To be honest, I think he might actually have a point here and that I might be at some fault communicationwise. I did ask him before leaving class one time something to the effect that "I am just curious if you would be able to add all that we have to the online thing I put up, it would be great if you did that so we can all be able to see what is being written." Well, he got sort of a pissed look on his face and said something like "I might when I have time" and has not put jack up in the wiki even though purportedly in his latest e-mail he claims that he has added so much to the script that he thinks it is almost done. Now, I agree I can not make him do this. Apparently he thinks I am trying to force him and that is a problem. In any case, we are suppose to meet sunday and apparently problems are occurring, because I thought it would be better to meet at the library, but made a compromise taking that I know this guy acts the way that he does and needs lots of space to walk around, the private library rooms with computers are really really small. In all honesty I was trying to be assertive and fair by agreeing that instead we meet at the amphitheater like one of the girls in the group suggested and take along a computer and type it all out, so that way it would eliminate having to have one person write everything all out and every note that has been taken afterwards. So, he misunderstands why it is that I am requesting this and tries to tell everyone a computer is not needed. I reply back and say that we all need to work as a group and make compromises, so he gets pissed and writes me an e-mail saying this is not highschool and that he was offended. Apparently this was a continued misunderstanding and instead of arguing back with him I just apologize.

 

Please note that I am not trying to accuse or put down anyone with this. I am simply trying to find out if I am doing something wrong and if I need to correct myself. Please read the following and give me your honest input. I honestly want to self-improve and learn not to make little social mistakes like this.

 

Please read and state your advice, thanks. If you scroll down it goes from the most recent to least recent e-mail content. The person -ME is of course "me" and the person "ROGER" is a pseudonym.

 

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I apologize, I did not mean to call you egotistical. Sorry for the misunderstanding and bad usage of terminology on my part.

 

-ME

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So far, I've been generating most of the ideas for this script. I want to get a good grade in this class, so in the absense of most of out group-members providing me with ideas for the script, I have been creating ideas on my own time. In the future, if you wish to address me in an area where you have a particular issue of concern, I would appreciate that you do so in private, as I am doing right now. I believe in this case you have have misunderstood or overreacted to my email, which merely was intended to say that so far, we have written down everything on paper and then typed it later, and that the use of a laptop wouldn't really be necessary. The script is almost completely written. My conception of a possible meeting this weekend involved finishing up the last couple of scenes and then working on rehearsal, etc. The biggest part left is to work out some rehearsal issues and things like staging.

 

As to being (albeit indirectly) called egotistical and uncompromising, I take offense to that. Whether or not you meant it to have that illocutionary force, it did. I think we all need to be mature about this and not high-schoolish. We of course do need focus and work together, which is why I suggest trying not to insult each other.

 

And again, if in the future you wish to address me personally, do so in private.

-Roger

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We need to be considerate and do preperations to keep anyone of us informed of what is going on if some of us are not able to meet, that is why I have been trying to encourage everyone to communicate over the internet as well as in person; a pen and paper is good temporarily but is not going to give us a final edited script in the shortest amount of time, since it will technically have to be written up by someone anyways. Although, I would be happy to do all of the computer work and formatting later on if no one can bring a laptop. Remember we do need to stay focused and work on this as a group while using our own unique abilities and also to be able to communicate with each others effectually as well. Sometimes this means putting ego aside and making small compromises.

In any case ... see you guys sunday!

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Okay, that works for me. I've been advancing the script some on my own, I'll show you guys what I've got on Sunday, if we can arrange a meeting. I like the amphitheatre idea because it's open and all that. Depends, of course, on the weather, but i think we're supposed to have sunny weather through the weekend. Anyhow.

I don't think a laptop is necessary, a pencil and a notepad will do just fine I think for adding any lines we may choose to create. My house number is XXX-XXXX and my cell is XXX-XXXX (but my cell is almost out of minutes, so only call it if you have something quick to tell me, that's okay, but try to call my house first if you need to get ahold of me.)

 

that's all so far,

 

-Roger

 

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Actually, do any of you guys have a laptop? We can write lines on it as we go along so then we will not need to write it up later. Is there internet access at the amphitheater?

What are your guy's cellphone numbers by the way ... ? We will all need to be able to contact each other if we are going to meet. I wrote my number in the other e-mail.

Thanks,

-ME

 

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Guys, it might actually be more productivelly efficent to meet in one of the library rooms with the widescreen monitors, brainstorm, and write the script up on one of the computers. This would actually be killing two birds with one stone, because if we meet at the amphitheater one of us is going to have to come write what we storm up on the computer anyways at a later time. However, on the other hand I think it might actually possibly stiffle creativity if we meet in the library taking the needs of some members of the group and the need to freely express ones self in a large open area. So, I think the amphitheater may be a better option for that.

 

I may need to reach you guys for directions: feel free to call my cellphone (XXX) XXX-XXXX

Thanks,

-ME

 

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Hey so I am free 1:30 on Sunday if you guys want to get together around then to work on the skit. How about we meet at the amphitheater by the creek at 1:30 on Sunday?

Let me know if that works for everyone.

Thanks,

Kathy

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Guys, I have a better idea that just e-mailing each other. I set up a wiki on my website that we can use so that all of us can edit the script. I set it to German and have already put up what Tim has worked on. This is good, because instead of e-mailing each other constantly any of us can log on at any time and make suggestions and changes to the script, and all of the changes are saved so and can be put back at any time.

[website removed]

Seriously guys ... this is the way to go if we are going to work together and can not meet in person very often. When you can, go ahead and create a user account so you can make comments, you will need a valid e-mail address. Editing is anonymous, but reversable incase there is a screw up. Please leave a comment if you are don editing in lines and scripts so that it can be discussed.

Thanks,

-ME

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[chai714]

This seems like it's a struggle for control. It seems you want control of the direction of the group while he feels he has been the most productive.

 

It also seems that you're less open to other people ideas and insist that the group adhere to your ideas. Try more listening and agreeing. Afterall, this is a group effort and it's not about what you want but what is best for the team.