Update on my ex & I

[samross]

Things have been going from good to a little better. I'm trying not to read too much into looks and smiles and it is hard. She seems much more receptive to me, and to those out there in NC I believe it helps tremendously. SuperDave and all my friends - you guys have been a blessing to me. Night before last when we went to leave practice she hugged me. We had been laughing and it felt like old times. When she hugged me she turned away quickly and I noticed there were tears in her eyes. She had just sang happy birthday to me. She wasn't sad as I could tell but they seemed to be tears of happiness. When she walked to her car I told her softly goodbye and she turned and looked at me with a soft smile. I could hear violins and I wanted to say so much more but it's not time yet.

[southerngirl]

Good Luck & take it slow..

[papalazarou]

Sam.

 

Just a quick question. How long are you prepared to wait?

[samross]

southerngirl:

I hear you loud and clear. Actually I'm just enjoying for now the fact that we can play music together and the tension seems to have limited termendously.

Maybe that's all she really wants.

 

papalazarou:

Good question. My feeling right now is that I don't have a time table. I obviously won't wait forever but I don't feel I need to put any pressure on her to say 'this is how it has to be or else I'm outa here'. I freely admit a month ago I did. For now I just want to enjoy that is seems we're heading in a positive direction and maybe, just maybe we can build a foundation again. It may or may not be a foundation to build a love relationship on again but hopefully a friendship. And it may not be everything I want right now but if I can learn to live with the idea that she might not ever be with me that will be good for me.

[papalazarou]

Thats fair enough sam. I must admit I was a bit worried you might be hoping for something that may never happen and consequently putting your life on hold.

 

I must admit I did for a couple of months last year. Never again tho.

[samross]

I hope that's not what I'm doing. I have to admit it is easier than not ever seeing her and wondering who she's with, etc. so I hope I'm not fooling myself.

[BoarHog]

Thanks for posting in my thread, I hope I can encourage you as well. I understand how hard it is to hold and hug the person you love, and not know whether it will work out in the end.

 

Only you know how much risk of further pain you can tolerate in order to hope for reconciliation. You are not alone, so take comfort in that - I am taking a huge risk myself so I am hoping the best for both of us. Some people might tell you that it is better to protect yourself from pain at all costs. I just think that in certain life situations, as long as we don't lose control, we have to accept risks and be prepared to deal with their consequences in order to achieve things that might otherwise slip away.

 

I guess I am trying to encourage you to keep progressing if you are convinced that there is a realistic chance. Take things slow and keep the pressure low, and above all take care of yourself. If you notice any more signs from her like you mentioned in your first post, it might be a good idea to ask her what she is feeling/thinking. You might learn where you stand, good or bad, quite quickly. I'll be cheering for you!

[samross]

Thanks Boarhog. I will try to take your advice. There is a part of me that is waiting for that 'magic' moment to ask her but it may a long time from now. It seems like as time goes on, I feel more and more like it's a question that maybe can wait for now. Rather than try to wait on something that might not ever happen, I'm trying to focus on me.