How does this work?

[Sean]

I enjoy my relationship with Kay immensily, I mean she is really just a great and wonderful person, and I enjoy being with her, going out on dates with her and cuddling with her in bed. However, it seems like even though we're in a relationship, and we do help each other and support each other, and we'll do anything for each other, we'd somehow like to maintain our indepedence. I don't tell her what to do, and she doesn't tell me what to do, unless it interfears with our relationship or could cause problems with the relationship. Now keep in mind I'm not complaining, but I'm just wondering how this is even possible. I always thought that when you're in a relationship, you can't be independent and in a relationship too, you have to choose one or the other. What do you guys think?

[Stu147]

I enjoy my relationship with Kay immensily, I mean she is really just a great and wonderful person, and I enjoy being with her, going out on dates with her and cuddling with her in bed. However, it seems like even though we're in a relationship, and we do help each other and support each other, and we'll do anything for each other, we'd somehow like to maintain our indepedence. I don't tell her what to do, and she doesn't tell me what to do, unless it interfears with our relationship or could cause problems with the relationship. Now keep in mind I'm not complaining, but I'm just wondering how this is even possible. I always thought that when you're in a relationship, you can't be independent and in a relationship too, you have to choose one or the other. What do you guys think?

 

 

Hi Sean,

 

My personal opinion is that there are three parties involved in my relationship, her, me and us. I think it is vital for each person to retain elements of independence. Nobody wants to become just an extension of their partner. I believe that this can only lead to conflict or unhappiness further down the line.

 

How far you take this independence depends on the relationship. I believe that anything is acceptable as long as both parties are fully aware where they stand and are in agreement about what is and isn't acceptable. Hey, even if two people in a relationship want to sleep with other people then as long as they are both happy with it who am I to judge them. Some might question what kind of relationship that could be, but again it's up to the couple to decide what is and isn't right for them.

 

I like my wife to have independence, to have her own money to spend outside of our shared resource, etc. We both work and combine resources to pay bills, etc.

 

Basically my point is that as long as you too are genuinely happy with the state of your relationship then you have nothing to worry about.

 

I would add that these are purely my personal views and that others will have different opinions I'm sure. But to each his/her own.

 

Wish you all the best...

[Sean]

We are both very happy.

[Momene]

If you're both independent then OK but you both need to set boundaries for your joint peace of mind.

[run_little_rabbit]

I think Superior hit the nail right on the head.

 

Too much dependence isn't healthy.