Is my friend interested?

[curiousgeorge398]

Hi, I'm a 20 year old male and in college and fairly bi-curious. I've always wondered about my good friend from high school because of the way he acted around me. Anyway here are some examples of behavior that makes me wonder if he is bi/gay.

 

First of all we started hanging out our senior year of high school and always joked around with "gay" things in a way. Most of this occurred when we were alone (at my house/his) - not around school and such. He is kind of a bigger guy (probably around 250). I've always thought he was self conscious of his size as well so that might make him less comfortable with things.

 

One example is being 'touchy.' I'd put my hand on his upper thigh, butt, chest and sometimes crotch "jokingly" and he would just laugh and either pull away or push my hand off. At the same time, he would do the same to me...but he'd pull his hand away after a few seconds; because I wouldn't pull away or push him away. Although I will admit I was doing it more than me.

 

Second whenever I slept over - once we were getting closer to going to bed we'd usually watch a movie. He'd either unzip his pants or just take his pants off. I'd do the same but I wear briefs and he never really minded or was uncomfortable with me in them. One of the times I slept over we slept in his room; him on his bed and me on the floor. We were talking when we woke up and I had my covers off and any time I turned around to look at him; he'd turn his head away quickly as if he wasn't looking at me (or my backside).

 

Also a number of times we slept over; we'd both be on air mattresses next to each other. He would say something along the lines of "What if we woke up like this" and would make a motion like he was going to lay right next to me with an arm over me - like we were sleeping together. Again when he did that; I'd actually move next to him and put an arm/leg around him and like the other touchy things; he'd just laugh and say 'get off' or 'stop.'

 

He said he's only had two or three girlfriends but hasn't had one since his sophomore year in high school. The only time he really mentioned girls was when we watched a movie and he'd say 'that actress is hot' or something like that.

 

I dunno - maybe I'm just reading these things all wrong hoping that he would be interested. I just think about it randomly and wish that I could find out this summer when we are both in town for summer break. Any suggestions would be appreciated

[coffeeformylover]

He might be bi-curious or bi or gay. It sounds to me that he is at least curious about what it would be like. Maybe when you see him make a little move on him. Like touch his side or put your hand on his leg and see how he reacts. If he laughs it off and says stop it, keep a serious face and keep your hand there. See what he does then.

[Katerimo]

Hey there,

 

Firstly - I think you have to consider the way he's reacting to things you've done. He could be totally straight - and very comfortable with that - and so has no issues with being touched by another guy. Many guys find this uncomfortable but some are completely fine (just like girls). So, you could be reading too much in to that.

 

As you're clearly interested in him, you'll also be looking for these signs where they may or may not exist - a simple touch from him could send your mind off thinking that it was intentional, a signal, etc etc...

 

But, there's one real way to find out - simply tell him about your sexuality (that you're bi-curious) - and don't ask him about his! It's not your place to ask him, but if he is bi/curious/gay then he'll surely say. If not, and he's not cool with it, then that's another issue and I doubt he'd react badly - but don't be heavy with it if you were to tell him, it's not a big deal if you don't make it one - and it could reveal how he feels about everything!

[girl friend]

Sounds to me that like he's entirely straight mate, sorry.

 

A flirtatious relationship with a friend that he is very comfortable with seems to me to just indicate that he's comfortable enough with both his sexuality and you, to goof around. Wouldn't he be nervous if he did fancy you?

 

Also, if he doesn't know about your sexuality, and he's thought this flirting was a joke all along, it may make him uncomfortable if you do tell him. He may think that you've been serious all this time and thought that he was, and that would not be good. It could even strain the friendship.

 

Just trying to check out all options here.

[curiousgeorge398]

Yes that is why I'd like to talk to him about how I feel but at the same time I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship if he was upset about it. I just wish there was an easier way - cause I'd prefer not to harm our relationship.

 

Seems like there are signals to say he might be interested - but at the same time there are some that say he isn't interested. How would you suggest going about bringing up the subject? I wouldn't feel comfortable just saying "oh by the way, I'm kinda curious about you..."

[coffeeformylover]

Ask him if he's seeing anyone. If so then say "what is her name?" and then if it's a guy then he'll tell you. If that doesn't work and he says he's not seeing anyone then I don't know what to tell you. If he asks you the same question (I'm assuming you're not with anyone at the moment) then tell him "no, but I would like to" and see where it goes from there.

[curiousgeorge398]

I was also thinking about the comment "Wouldn't he be nervous if he did fancy you?" I'm not really nervous around him - I'm comfortable with the joking things and such; and he seems comfortable with it as well.

 

Coffee: The thing is I doubt he'd just straight up say 'oh ya I'm seeing this guy' or something.

 

Any other ideas?

[coffeeformylover]

See where he stands on politics. That could be another way to figure out if he is interested or not. If he is for gay rights then he could be gay/bi but he could also be straight too. That way you can say "I'm for gay rights because we should be able to get married to another guy if we want. It shouldn't matter that I'm gay, because love is love." You could say something like that.

[jgrl]

Do you know any gay male couples? If so, you could bring them up in conversation, and gauge his reaction. You could also talk about out gay actors, and see how he reacts.

 

If he is comfortable talking about other out gay men, you could tell him that you think you might be bisexual.

 

Take it slow. Pay attention to your intuition (gut feelings).

 

Does your college have a gay support/social group? If so, I suggest you go to a meeting and get involved. Colllege is a GREAT place to meet other bi/gay people...and usually there are really great events, film nights, dances, etc.

 

You're not alone with this....there are plenty of other guys like you at your college!

 

Also, check out link removed for support.

[curiousgeorge398]

He's liberal politically.

 

Well we've had our little chats about this and that randomly. When I was home for christmas break we went out to get some lunch and he asked me how I liked school (just transferred to a new college). Got on the subject of how am I doing making friends and such. My two good friends up here are friends with a gay couple and I mentioned that. I told him for one, you'd never know they were gay unless they told you and two- its not like they are any different from you and I, they just have different likes/dislike...just like everyone else. And he said that was probably the best thing he's heard since he had been home...or something to that extent. Whenever we talked about sex/sexuality; he's always said he's open to things such as gay/lesbian people. Not really sure how to take it all

[curiousgeorge398]

The most he ever talks about women in general is when we are watching a movie/tv/music video he'll say someone looks good/is hot. But thats about it...if we go out to lunch or something, I've never heard him see a girl (or guy for that matter) that he says is hot etc.

 

He tends to be more vocal about women when we are around other people. I always thought he would say stuff like that so people thought he was interested in women...somewhat as a cover.

 

Again I don't know if I'm just looking into it too much...but when I think about the way he acts around me/others...and think about how most guys I know are straight act...its so completely different ya know?

[coffeeformylover]

I don't think that you are reading too much into it. I think that he might be gay or bi. But you won't really know unless you confront him about it or he happens to tell you.

[curiousgeorge398]

I've always viewed it that way because how many straight guys do you know that are comfortable with things like touching each other? I've never met anyone else that would be even remotely comfortable with that...let alone do it to me as well.

 

I was also thinking about the nervous comment. He's not nervous around me when we are hanging out. But if he were to be in his boxers, he's always sure to have a blanket covering most of himself up. But again that may just be him being self conscious.

[jgrl]

If you have feelings for him...why don't you tell him? Maybe he is waiting for you to say something? or do something?

 

Valentine's Day is coming up...why not give him a cute valentine's day card or something light and sweet like that?

[curiousgeorge398]

I might be able to do that; I'll have to get his address at school though.

[curiousgeorge398]

Well I didn't manage to send a card but I sent him an email wishing him a happy valentine's day and such.

 

Thank you for the suggestions - and of course any others are appreciated as well.