Casually dating

[lunavica]

I recently had another post in the "breaking up" forum however last night my ex had brought up the idea of dating. This of course after I told him that I couldn't be just friends with him and that I needed to walk away for right now. At first I wanted to jump for joy but I began to question him about what he wanted. His issue is that he's just not ready to be in a serious relationship but that we can date (which by his idea is seeing each other weekly and chatting on the phone every 2-3 days). I am still leary about this though and told him that I need some time to think it over. He had also mentioned that he didn't know if it would be enough for me as he couldn't put me #1 as he did before. I have come up with some questions to ask him before I procede either way and just wanted some input to see if I am doing the right thing!

Firstly, I am going to ask him if it's just "us" dating or if he's going to be seeing other people. If other people are involved I don't really want any part of it.

Secondly, is he only bringing up the idea of dating b/c I told him that I couldn't be his friend?

 

Any thoughts?

[laboheme]

It's hard to say exactly why he brought up the idea of dating...He could either be saying it because he genuinely wants to have contact with you but is truly not ready for a serious relationship...or he could be saying it in hopes that you'll give him all the benefits of a girlfriend minus the commitment. I'm leaning towards the latter, but I think it's okay to give him the benefit of the doubt and have that conversation that you're thinking of. I think it's a perfectly valid question that you want to ask, and I agree that if other people are involved, you should turn around and walk away while your resolve is still strong. But if he wants to be "exclusive," but just take things slow...I think that's a good sign. Beware though, he could easily say "Of course there won't be anyone else," but do something on the side.

 

The way I see it, an open discussion about your concern couldn't hurt...

[maladjusted]

luna i posted something similar last night. here is the thread and maybe some helpulf information to help inform you of a rational decision.

 

 

my ex and i were dating exclusively but she always mentioned maybe dating other people in the future and like you i do not want any part of that. i felt that day might be coming soon but the reason i ultimately ended it was due to all the rules she imposed on our relationship. plus i want more and she doesn't. i think laboheme is right in your situation in that he might want the benefits of a girlfriend without the commitment. i think that was also true with my ex. i felt i deserved better and decided to let her be so she can figure out what she wants in her life. i think it makes a big difference when you know the other person isn't there to be a crutch anymore. as for my ex she is on her own which she wanted but i think she had me around in case something better didn't come along. well i am better than that. sorry i went on a rant but good luck and make sure you are willing to abide by HIS rules when it comes to the relationship.