Curious for opinions of others? Girlsfriend 1st love, could it be a problem?

[NFL2k7]

Well first off, we're younger. I'm 17, shes 18. Mature couple, not stupid and all around whatever. But she has an ex-boyfriend who she's still connected to through a close dance/family friend. Her ex was her first love, they dated for two years secretly and now if they wanted, it could be open. But she says she has no feelings about him anymore, but I'll notice here and there that she'll bring him up, or things. Like tonight, me and him have the same birthday, so she brought up his age, and said "This was gonna be like our time, since i was 18 and he was 22." Is she just bringing it up out of though? Or is it something she still wants? I trust her but still get curious. Opinions? Also, he still has feelings for here and she knows it.

[gfein347]

Hi and welcome to ENA!

 

First off, have you talked to her about any of this?

 

I don't think it was considerate of her to talk about her ex with you, but maybe she doesn't realize how much emotional turmoil this is causing.

 

but I'll notice here and there that she'll bring him up, or things

 

What kind of things do you mean?

[NFL2k7]

Little things like when I said "His birthdays the same day as mine?" She said "Yeah I told you. Ohh he's gonna be 22 this was the time we always talked about, me 18 and him 22." Or she'll say like "I don't have feelings for him" Here and there.

[gfein347]

Well, my advice still stands. By "things," I thought you meant that she was hugging him, or calling him on the phone.

 

I think you need to tell her that when she talks about her ex, it makes you feel uncomfortable, and you'd really appreciate it if she wouldn't bring him up so often. Like I said, she might not realize that talking about him is having such a profound effect on you.

 

As an afterthought, her saying "I don't have feelings for him" out of the blue might be something to be a little worried about. She might be saying it to reassure you, because she actually doesn't have feelings for him, and she knows you might be worried about it. Or, she might be saying it to convince herself that it's true, meaning she may not be completely over him, or have gotten the closure she was seeking when they broke up. Just a thought.

 

Good luck dude, and stick around ENA!

[amour est toujours]

i personally think that she's telling you the truth and you should trust her. it is unfortunate when exs come up in conversation. i would say it's not a problem as long as it's once in a while and not every day or something. i find it difficult sometimes to not mention my ex because we shared such a long amount of time together. sometimes when you're talking about something and it triggers a memory of an ex, you just want to talk about it, even if it's with your new boyfriend/girlfriend. i try to be cautious with that in my new relationship, but i think that because i spent so much time with him, my stories just normally involve him! but i think that passes with time.

 

it's very difficult to just completely cut someone out of your life, conversations and mind...it's not as easy as it should be. she cares about you if she only mentions the ex once in a while.

 

if anything, you should just tell her that it makes you uncomfortable if it's such a big issue. i think open and clear communication is the most important part of a relationship. it prevents all sorts of problems.

 

good luck!

[NFL2k7]

Yeah I guess. Thanks a lot