amour est toujours

Here's a question: Do any of you really think that there are such things that can acts as 'signs' for what to do in a romantic situation? Are there certain things that happen for a reason, or do you think it's just how we perceive it to be? Just because we like the same things and have the same thoughts and occurrences strangely happen, does it really mean we're 'meant to be'? or do you think there is no such thing as being 'meant to be?' ...just something i think about...

Is a relationship that begins with a physical connection or an emotional connection better? Is it better to start a relationship with someone that you feel emotionally connected to and then hope for a physical connection, or is it better to go with the physical connection and hope for an emotional one? I think it's hard to find both at the same time. What are some of your opinions on this topic?

this was my post from july with some revisions to update it: i've been friends with this guy since we were 13 and 15 and we were always close but rarely hung out that much... i really enjoyed our relationship because i could always go to him whenever i wanted to get away from my normal life and friends. he is 2 years younger than i am yet we've always connected on a deeper level than i have with most of my friends. (he's 18 and i'm 20 now) the summer before last, he apparently started to develop 'feelings' for me. i could kind of tell but it never really caused any problems within our relationship and i had always liked him in that sense a little bit too but we never really talked about it because i guess we thought it would make things strange. then i went to college. while i was there, i met tons of great people... nice guys and everything, yet i still continued to keep in contact with this friend and we would talk on the phone or online for hours and just have amazing conversations that we never did before. usually when i was home, like i said, we didn't really hang out that much so it felt like it was kind of strange that he wanted to see me so often on breaks and things. i came home for spring break and we hung out a lot and had a lot of fun and then he finally confessed his feelings for me. at this time, i had just been getting over losing my roommate and having some issues at school, so it kind of caught me by surprise. the way that he spoke about me freaked me out because of our history together and because of simply how no one had ever said anything like that to me before. i told him that i thought i liked him but i wasn't sure if i was ready to date or start a relationship with him or anything. he told me i could have as much time as i needed and that it wasn't a problem. he said that he couldn't see how he could ever stop liking me or having feelings for me so it wouldn't be an issue. i was most concerned about the fact that i wasn't ready to start a long distance relationship (i go to school about 45 minutes from home but it's still not in the same town...) and he said that wouldn't be an issue and he could come visit...blah blah but it was still something that i was unsure of because i hadn't been in a serious relationship...ever so i was very hesitant to ruin such a great friendship or even put it into jeopardy by getting a romantic relationship involved. he said he wasn't concerned about it and assured me that it would be fine. then a month or so went by and he came to visit me a few times and i was still 'thinking about it'. the last time he came to visit me, i had made up my mind but i couldn't find the way to tell him when he was there because i felt like he already knew somehow. i just don't know what he wanted from me. so then i talked to him finally about a week after that visit and i told him that i was ready. i proceeded to tell him the things i had been thinking about because i know if i were in his position, i would be questioning things and wondering why it took so long. so i was completely honest and i think he might have taken offense to it. i had the best intentions but i think he took it the wrong way... i kind of regret doing that. then may came around which is when school was over for me. i came home and he was still in school (he was a senior in high school) but i still hung out with him a few times which was different since we had never really hung out together while in town. we just talked and talked and talked about everything ever. so it was a little different to spend time together while i was back at home. yet somehow, he didn't seem as interested in me anymore and he was being very aloof whenever i would see him. i made several efforts to hang out and spend time together but he never really seemed intrigued. soon after this, i went to the beach with some of my friends and he was back here at home. when i came home he wasn't talking to me so i messaged him online and told him that i wanted to know what was going on. he then asked me if i knew that he went to the prom. i had a feeling that that had happened, but i wasn't upset because it's PROM...go have fun. but he then went on to tell me that he had gotten involved with someone else. now let me give you the background on the 'someone else'. he told me about her on several occasions. he offered the information to me...i suppose it was to get my reaction/have me be jealous, but i'm not sure? he told me that he 'had cut things off completely with this girl' and that they were not compatible at all and that she never liked to talk or do fun things. he basically talked her down to me when i wasn't really interested that much in whoever he had previously been seeing. then he dated her...for 6 months. the worst part of all is that he was so 'in love' with me that he decided to go to the same college as me. i didn't encourage it at all, but he still is going to be attending it this fall. now the kicker is this: his girlfriend attends as well. this is because she was so obsessed with him that she decided to plan her future based on him even though he had rejected her several times before things with me didn't work out. (worst semester of my life...saw him everyday with her and he lives in the building right accross from me, had a class right nextdoor to mine and we had many awkward encounters) we talked once in october... i pretty much yelled at him, a lot, and by the end of the discussion it felt like it was march again and we were two peas in a pod. then we didn't talk he'd message me here and there 'i want to be friends again' 'are we talking?? i just want to know where we stand' and it somehow is always at the times when things are going great with my current boyfriend of 4 months. the most recent message said 'do you think about me a lot? cuz i think about you a lot.' how do you respond to that? and his best friend lives near me so i see his car all the time at home, i see him at school and everywhere... i can't get away from him! i wanted to be friends, but now that he and his girlfriend broke up, i feel like he's crawling back to me... i do not know what to doooooo i'm going crazy! sorry this is so long!!!

that's pretty difficult, i'm going to have to agree with you on that...but i think that maybe you should give it a chance. if you feel a deep connection with this girl, i say go for it. be aware of it and take control of yourself in the relationship (whatever form it may take)... protect yourself and be smart but if you can't get back together with her and not feel spiteful or worried, then maybe it's not a good idea. i say if you love her, you love her. if you feel that deep connection with her... it must be worth it either way, good luck! it will probably turn out for the best in the end anyway.

that's a lot easier said than done unfortunately. we've been friends for almost 6 years...but i'm trying.

i personally think that she's telling you the truth and you should trust her. it is unfortunate when exs come up in conversation. i would say it's not a problem as long as it's once in a while and not every day or something. i find it difficult sometimes to not mention my ex because we shared such a long amount of time together. sometimes when you're talking about something and it triggers a memory of an ex, you just want to talk about it, even if it's with your new boyfriend/girlfriend. i try to be cautious with that in my new relationship, but i think that because i spent so much time with him, my stories just normally involve him! but i think that passes with time. it's very difficult to just completely cut someone out of your life, conversations and mind...it's not as easy as it should be. she cares about you if she only mentions the ex once in a while. if anything, you should just tell her that it makes you uncomfortable if it's such a big issue. i think open and clear communication is the most important part of a relationship. it prevents all sorts of problems. good luck!

i have this problem too. it's normally when i least expect it that i have dreams about my ex... i think it's because something triggers it during the day and then you just happen to think about it while you're sleeping. i've had many dreams where whatever conflict i was having at the time was solved and everything felt so perfect but then i'd wake up, realize it wasn't real and then cry myself back to sleep. love makes us so crazy sometimes. i guess what i'm trying to say is that i don't really know why it happens but i personally believe that it is because there's something about the relationship that you haven't worked out. maybe you miss your ex...it could just be as simple as that, or maybe it's because you didn't end on a good note. (not that it's easy to end on a good note with an ex) maybe try talking to your ex in person? idk though that can get messy. i talked to mine and told him that i kept having dreams about him and they stopped for a while until he entered back into my life. it just takes time to remove the ones we love from our hearts and minds...it's such a difficult experience. i wouldn't let it worry you too much though. at least you have your dreams!

I must say that I find this thread to be quite comforting. I'm going through a very similar situation and to read the suggestions and posts really makes me feel a lot better knowing that it's not just me who has issues with an Ex. I understand what it's like to want to be kind and friendly by responding to messages but I still haven't figured out exactly what the best course of actions is. Good luck, I think you're doing a great job so far and it makes me realize that there is in fact hope for us.

i wrote on here this past summer about a situation that was going on in my life... basically, one of my best friends told me that he had feelings for me almost a year ago and i was unsure about a relationship because i wasn't sure about my feelings toward him. long story short, i eventually realized that i did in fact have feelings for him that were quite strong and then i told him that i was ready to begin dating. he then began to ignore me and told me that he was interested in someone else who he had been dating on and off the whole time he had be 'courting' me... but i didn't know about it. he started dating her and did so for 6 months. we stopped talking. they both attend my college. i was devastated, found a new boyfriend that was there to pick up the pieces and i was unsure about at first but am now really happy with. however, now my ex'friend' is contacting me again and telling me that he thinks about me all the time and sending me instant messages and text messages about how he wants to be friends again. should i be friends with him again since we had been such good friends? or is it not fair to my new boyfriend to give this guy the time of day? i wish i could just erase that whole past with him, but i cannot. any help would be greatly appreciated. i just wanted to love and be loved, and now i've found it elsewhere. what do i do with the boy who's crawling back?

i'm not really sure how to start to tell this story because it's so long... i've been friends with this guy since we were in middle school and we were always close but rarely hung out that much... i really enjoyed our relationship because i could always go to him whenever i wanted to get away from my normal life and friends. he is 2 years younger than i am yet we've always connected on a deeper level than i have with most of my friends. last summer, he apparently started to develop 'feelings' for me. i could kind of tell but it never really caused any problems within our relationship and i had always liked him in that sense a little bit too but we never really talked about it because i guess we thought it would make things strange. then i went to college. while i was there, i met tons of great people... nice guys and everything, yet i still continued to keep in contact with this friend and we would talk on the phone or online for hours and just have amazing conversations that we never did before. usually when i was home, like i said, we didn't really hang out that much so it felt like it was kind of strange that he wanted to see me so often on breaks and things. i came home for spring break and we hung out a lot and had a lot of fun and then he finally confessed his feelings for me. at this time, i had just been getting over losing my roommate and having some issues at school, so it kind of caught me by surprise. the way that he spoke about me freaked me out because of our history together and because of simply how no one had ever said anything like that to me before. i told him that i thought i liked him but i wasn't sure if i was ready to date or start a relationship with him or anything. he told me i could have as much time as i needed and that it wasn't a problem. he said that he couldn't see how he could ever stop liking me or having feelings for me so it wouldn't be an issue. i was most concerned about the fact that i wasn't ready to start a long distance relationship (i go to school about 45 minutes from home but it's still not in the same town...) and he said that wouldn't be an issue and he could come visit...blah blah but it was still something that i was unsure of because i haven't been in a serious relationship...ever so i was very hesitant to ruin such a great friendship or even put it into jeopardy by getting a romantic relationship involved. he said he wasn't concerned about it and assured me that it would be fine. then a month or so went by and he came to visit me a few times and i was still 'thinking about it'. the last time he came to visit me, i had made up my mind but i couldn't find the way to tell him when he was there because i felt like he already knew somehow. i just don't know what he wanted from me. so then i talked to him finally about a week after that visit and i told him that i was ready. i proceeded to tell him the things i had been thinking about because i know if i were in his position, i would be questioning things and wondering why it took so long. so i was completely honest and i think he might have taken offense to it. i had the best intentions but i think he took it the wrong way... i kind of regret doing that. then may came around which is when school was over for me. i came home and he was still in school (he was a senior in high school) but i still hung out with him a few times which was different since we had never really hung out together while in town. we just talked and talked and talked about everything ever. so it was a little different to spend time together while i was back at home. yet somehow, he didn't seem as interested in me anymore and he was being very aloof whenever i would see him. i made several efforts to hang out and spend time together but he never really seemed intrigued. soon after this, i went to the beach with some of my friends and he was back here at home. when i came home he wasn't talking to me so i messaged him online and told him that i wanted to know what was going on. he then asked me if i knew that he went to the prom. i had a feeling that that had happened, but i wasn't upset because it's PROM...go have fun. but he then went on to tell me that he had gotten involved with someone else. now let me give you the background on the 'someone else'. he told me about her on several occasions. he offered the information to me...i suppose it was to get my reaction/have me be jealous, but i'm not sure? he told me that he 'had cut things off completely with this girl' and that they were not compatible at all and that she never liked to talk or do fun things. he basically talked her down to me when i wasn't really interested that much in whoever he had previously been seeing. now he's dating her. i haven't talked to him in almost 2 months and i don't know what i'm supposed to do. during the first month, i saw him at least once a week but didn't talk to him. i just don't know where i'm supposed to go from here. i'm so upset about how everything turned out yet i'm afraid to talk to him and i feel like it's completely too late for a relationship in any sense. he's been my friend for so long and this was the reason i was so hesitant...i didn't want to mess it up. but we did and we didn't even date. the worst part of all is that he was so 'in love' with me that he decided to go to the same college as me. i didn't encourage it at all, but he still is going to be attending it this fall. now the kicker is this: his girlfriend will be attending as well. this is because she was so obsessed with him that she decided to plan her future based on him even though he had rejected her several times before things with me didn't work out. what am i supposed to do?! why is he dating this girl? could it be possible that he's gotten over me and really does actually like this girl? was he just lying to me the whole time while he really did have feelings for her? i just don't understand why he would do that to me when he knew how seriously i was taking the situation. i just would love to put this behind us and find some way to move on. but now i like him as more than a friend and i don't know how to deal with that while trying to repair our friendship. it's so depressing. sometimes i lose hope but this time has been very helpful in getting over it because it's allowed me to stop thinking about it. but knowing that august and move in day are fast approaching, i can't help but want to resolve things. any help would be greatly appreciated... thanks!