last minute plans cancelled

[mjeswoosh]

my girl and i had plans to spend three days together this week, tuesday - thursday. she and her 2 little girls (4 and 6) were going to stay with me for the beginning of xmas break. i was really looking forward to this, as was she. we raved and raved about the opportunity to hang out when we finally had the free time to do so. i even cleared my schedule of work and play to make this happen. note that we have been dating for almost 9 months.

 

however, this morning my girl said she thought this would be inappropriate because of her girls and she was not going to spend the night as planned but we would spend time together as planned.

initially i was stunned b/c we were just talking about our plans the night before. i found it hard to believe that in just a few hours should totally would recant on things. i couldnt understnad why she would talk about this for weeks and cancel at the last minute...

 

then tonight she said she was not going to be available at all on wednesday b/c she had plans and would be busy all day. i was stunned at her last minute reversal again and pressed for more info. she told me she was taking her girls to see their grandma and she would be unavailable the entire day. again, i was in disbelief b/c we had already made plans and i was so looking forward to this time together.

 

i tried talking to her about this but she was more interested in the miss america paegant and the fact her cell phone was not charging properly.

 

she tried saying i have to spend all of my time with her and she cannot give that to me. i explained to her that there is a difference between spending every waking minute with someone and then cancelling plans that have been set in stone for weeks at the last minute. i thought this was extremely insensitive and am at a loss for words. i dont know if i am being dramatic or not but this was a huge punch in the gut and has even made me re-think spending xmas with her. i am that distraught.

 

what is your take? she does not have much free time. she works full time, goes to college, raises 2 little girls and of course there is me. i am totally selfless in this relationship, however, as i explained to her i just wish she would have given me a little more heads-up. she said this was the last time before the holidays that she could take her girls to see their grandma. again, i dont have an issue with that but the last minute changes after weeks of planning just kills me especially after i cleared my schedule.

[Rabican]

I would be pissed. I hate when people cancel plans... especially if you dropped work and everything. Like you said, big difference between canccelling plans, and just not spending tons of time with someone. I would want to know WHY the change from last night to tonight. If she doesnt have a good reason, then ditch her for the holidays.

[mjeswoosh]

I know with everything she has going on that time is minimal but i feel so pained by her inconsistency. I dont even feel like giving her the xmas gifts i bought for her now or even spending time with her. I feel like i need space right now, this sucks so bad. This was gonna be xmas for me since i work xmas eve and am working 16 hours xmas day. I think that is why this hurts so bad.....

[Momene]

If you've got kids they take your life over, even if you're living with the other parent. Small children are especially demanding.

 

This may sound harsh but I think you need to be with someone who has more time from you and is not centered on anything else.

[mjeswoosh]

i dont need that type of attention. i work full time, go to college full time and also have kids. i know what time constraints are believe me. like i said i am so selfless but i understand what you are saying.

 

what really bothers me is that we made plans and she altered them at the last minute then hours later says, "oh yeah i cant do anything on wedesday, im busy all day." when just hours earlier we were expressing how much we were looking forward to this time together.

 

just feels weird. i am upset b/c i have a VERY BUSY life and rearranged my schedule to open up all of this time.

[Iceman26]

It all comes down to priorities, and while it seems like you hold her as a high priority, she doesn't seem to hold you in quite the same regard.

 

At any rate, I don't deal well with situations like these, and would move on to someone that values me and my time.