hi im new here

[CarusNFekt]

Hello, i just spent some time reading around the forums and i have to say i feel allot better right now that i have in the past 2 days. i just got out of a verry confusing relationship my self, i say confusing because there were allot of happy times and aquard times, but i supose it was due to crash n burn from the beggining seing how we lived with her mom and brother.

 

and even tho she broke up with me 3 times during a course of 7 months, i see now where i made the mistakes, first off i tried to get her back and we did get back, but it was me that was in love with her, sure she told me she loved me, she even showed it, and what amazes me is how a person is able to fake such strong emotions and then cheat on you.

she went on a cruise with her familly, met another guy and had sex with him, but i guess what really makes me sick is to think that she actually had sex again with me before she told me, but when she did tell me i packed up my things and still had to stay there a few more days, not by choice but because i was waiting for my last paycheck so i could move out, in those 3 days we tried to not speak to each other or even be in the same room as each other, how ever the night i left she finally showed some emotion, on the trip back that night she even called me to tell me how empty it felt without me there, well, to make things worst the whole thing draged out too the weekend because of me in part, but i am just so confused, i told her im finally gone, this is what you've been wanting, but yet she calls me to tell me she misses me? which makes me think maby some time apart would hellp us, but that wasnt the case at all, i wanted badly for her to stop calling me so i did something verry drastic and i got her to admit to me everything that had went on in between that guy and her, seing how they got to spend a week with each other in a romantic cruise, that also makes me feel robed, that could of been me on that cruise with her but i couldnt go because it was suposed to be a familly thing for her.

so i last spoke to her on sunday, monday she calls my friends phone looking for me but he was bussy and didnt talk to her, so i wrote her a leter telling her how it was my fault that everything got so screwed because i guess i "Held on too tight" and to not call my friends looking for me any more, to just leave me alone, and so far havent heard from her in 2 days, im mainly depresed because of how i went about this whole thing, i had a great girl, and if i would have found this site earlier i would probably still be with her.

 

in other words i feel like i just butchered my self and put my self though allot of * * * * for no reason if it want for that stupid fear of loosing some one for good. but now the thought of her just makes me sick.

but how do you get rid of those "But what about" feelings you have left over or those "what if's".......how do you kill the last nerve?

[maladjusted]

hey carus i think you need to back up and start really working on yourself. you sound very confused because in one sentence you say you had a great girl and would still probably be with her and in the next you say the thought of her just makes you sick. so my suggestion is to start working on yourself and don't worry about her. first of all it wasn't your fault or your choice for her to cheat on you. she chose to cheat on you so stop beating yourself up. we are all not saints here and i am sure you did somethings but for someone to cheat on you that was their conscience decision. for me cheating is a deal breaker and it doesn't matter what the circumstances are. get a hold of yourself and not think with your emotions but with your brain. you are better than someone disregarding your feelings and doint the unthinkable. your best bet is to start NC immediately and start working on yourself and your happiness.

 

my ex wife cheated on me and that was the deal breaker. as much as i loved her it was not my fault she chose to do what she did. things are going to be okay if you pull yourself together and stop taking the blame for her decisions. she obviously doesn't have any respect so it is time to move on and get your respect back on your own which is cutting her loose and finding someone who will appreciate you and what you have to offer.