Believing the world is perfect

[bleeding]

I don't know why I think this way, but I think I have been going through this for a long time. I usually tend to think and feel that the world is perfect, that other people's lives are perfect, and that everyone is happy and having a great time - EXCEPT me. Then I look at myself and say, what a mess I have gotten myself into, I am so screwed up and messed up after all the rotten abusive nasty men I have been near over the years.

 

It really bothers me. I always think other people have no problems, that they all have great family, lots of friends, lots of money, and nice happy lives. I never think other ppl have to do laundry or chores or ever to be alone.

 

When I compare this perfect world belief I have and this belief that other people are living great pain-free amazing lives and I compare this to my own situation and all the pain I have gone through, it magnifies my own unhappiness and makes it harder to carry on. Especially since I still suffer the aftershocks and aftereffects of all the abuse and trauma and terror.

 

I would appreciate if some of you could talk some sense into me. I don't know why I can't shake this fantasy. I think part of it is that I'm not connected to a lot of ppl and that other ppl don't talk about their problems. So when I see people around, everything just seems so normal.

 

Sigh.

[colors]

people hold their problems in all the time. maybe out of fear of being judged, or there is no one they feel comfortable enough opening up to....

 

Everyone is fighting a personal battle. Everyone has issues behind closed doors.

It's easier to think you're the only one having it this hard & feeling pain. The world is far from perfect. Take your eyes off yourself and put in on others.

Read the new paper, watch the news, work in a womens shelter, or in the childrens ward at a hospital or a drop in center or at a food bank.

For every A#$ hole you've been with thier are 1000's more women abused & dealing with the same thing, Children being beaten & raped, sold, people straving. You aren't alone.

Volunteer somewhere. It may help you see the worlds imperfections & help others, you aren't alone with your suffering. Everyone is struggling with something. those who say other wise, are lieing or don't want to face thier own imperfections.

 

I have issues too I've been abused too.. I don't talk about it much....I don't think people want to hear it - I sometimes I think everyone wants to be heard rather than hear. People need others to reach out to them.

[Mike88]

The worlds not nearly perfect..no one understands life or why were here.. the worlds confused..and there's no one who clearly understands it. Some people are living lies, others are living like they understand, its a joke. Live it as it comes and try to enjoy it..but i wouldnt worry so much were all just a drop of existence. Best way im going to spend my life is by traveling and meeting new people trying to understand them..and opening myself to whatever comes my way. Everything that we know is so complicated and most of the world is sucked in and have became narrow minded, but what can you do. You think someones better than you? Their probaby as clueless as everyone else.

[silky88]

i'm another person and trust me, my life is far from perfect.

 

i have problems with my family, not enough money, way too much homework, a * * * *ty job, a drinking problem, and i worry about my weight every day even though i weigh 122 lbs and people say i'm not fat.

 

satisfied? no? here's more:

 

if i don't do my laundry, my clothes stink. if i don't do the dishes, they get crusty and maggoty (ew! but it has happened) and then i don't have anything to cook with. if i don't sweep the floor it stays covered in dog hair. if i don't empty the ashtray, it overflows onto my desk.

 

you still want more? okay:

 

my car is beat up. my dog barks too much and walks on my bed when i'm not home. i need new shoes but can't afford them. my dad died last year. i say stupid things when i'm drunk. i can't touch my toes 'cause i've never been flexible. my boss can be a real . i lost my toenail clippers. i'm behind on my bills. i have a bad habit of forgetting my coat in restaurants and bars in the spring and fall.

 

i can't afford to travel. i'm not very physically strong. i can't get my period without birth control pills. my computer freezes in the middle of downloads. i need new contact lenses. i have two cavities and crooked bottom teeth. i have poor circulation.

 

LOL. too much information, i'm sure, but now you see... there are other people out there with problems, large and small, and nobody's life is perfect. you are not alone, my friend

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

This is in a way a good thread to read, we all do have problems, and we're all in this interesting ride together.

[bleeding]

I do read a lot of news stories, but it doesn't help me much because I am skeptical of media bias. I think the way the media represent any issue is from the point of view they choose, so I cannot trust media.

 

It helps much more to hear about people talk about their personal problems one-on-one. It tends to jolt me out of my stupor briefly. I don't completely understand why I think and feel this way, but I think it has to do with how I coped with emotional pain as a small child. Now it hurts me more than it helps me, but it's scary for me to let go and think differently.

 

Also, thanks Silky88, your post did shake me a little bit.

[Juliana]

I was like you, bleeding; always imagining myself shut out of a brighter world. In fact, it was my own brighter world that haunted me -- the world I could have if I weren't abused and hurting from it all the time. Maybe someday. For now, I carry a Swiss Army knife all the time, because I need the idea of being able to die if I have to. I even sleep with it in my hand. For people with borderline personality disorder, this is a psychiatrist-approved compromise with the pain.

 

But I know I'm stronger than they are; I'm faster, and I'm smarter, and if I didn't stop for them, they'd never catch me, the ones who hurt me before. So I'm going on, one day at a time, building a new life. Waiting on that brighter world.

[bleeding]

I was like you, bleeding; always imagining myself shut out of a brighter world. In fact, it was my own brighter world that haunted me -- the world I could have if I weren't abused and hurting from it all the time.

 

I really relate to what you said here. I too am working on my life and myself one day at a time.