need advice. im confused :(

[krnswte143]

my ex and i broke up 2 weeks ago. so its pretty new. we both were in contact briefly last week. we chatted online few times and through emails. we both miss seeing/talking to each other but nothings happening now. so i emailed him over the weekend...saying "im confuse about us two and theres nothing we can do right?" and its pretty hard and im sure if time goes away we will forget about all this and that im not unhappy and stuff. he hasnt replied back. do u think he is confuse too? i dont know what to do now. i havent talk to him all day yesterday and today.

 

im very confused now. he said he miss seeing/talkin to me too.. n he doesnt mind talking to me......do i keep talkin to him or stop?

i do want to talk ot him too i feel happy when i do...but when i dont im not ...

 

i miss him so much right now! im goin crazy

 

any suggestions?

[Roasted Carrots]

Please accept my deepest sympathy for you break-up.

 

Do you want to get back together with him? What is the reason you two broke up? Have you heard or tried NC (No Contact)?

 

There are some other really good posts on this thread you may want to read.

 

 

 

Hugs

[krnswte143]

Please accept my deepest sympathy for you break-up.

 

Do you want to get back together with him? What is the reason you two broke up? Have you heard or tried NC (No Contact)?

 

There are some other really good posts on this thread you may want to read.

 

 

 

Hugs

 

thanks !

 

i do want to get back with him but im not sure if the "problem" we were having will be solved. the reason we broke up was because there was too much problem in our relationship for a year! he was living w/ an ex (went out 13yrs ago) although they are friends... i couldnt handle it but i stayed anyways. we argue a lot for a whole year. i became a lil crazy...started to be jealous...and had trust issues. .

 

i dont know how he is feeling abot this?

 

yes i heard about NC... i stopped talking to him from yesterday. i send him an email about saying how confuse i was and stuff...he hasnt replied back..

 

so i dont know whats going on?

[blender]

Start "no contact" it will help you move on and heal, and it will give him the "opportunity" to discover if his love for you in mature, and committed enough for him to "miss you, and realize" he wants to make an "effort" to repsectfully win you back in time. Staying in contact and talking is just easing him comfortably into a place where he has to do "nothing and make no effort' to win your heart....

 

You do not have to declare, "no contact" to him, just do not answer his next call, let it go... and if he 'pushes and leaves a message saying "why are you not calling me back", then you can in a self respecting way say: "you no longer want to be a couple, so I need to move on."

 

This way he can live with the consequence of his choice. And then he can really authentically "miss you".

 

What is the option here? That you keep talking to him, and he gets to feel his guilt allevaited, his curiosity solved as to what you are up to, his own comfort that "you're just "there', and he gets to have the honor and comfort of your voice...to the point where he just knows your "there" and he doesn't have to step up to the plate, and be respectful enough to make a clear intentional choice to win your heart?

 

Try to set a standard and value for your own heart, if you dont' do this for yourself, no guy will ever have to respond to you with the love, respect, and effort real love requires in order to make it as a couple..

 

I know you're hurting and you are missing what you "hoped" could be with this guy, but try to be in "acceptance' of what actually is, and find out if what "is" is okay for you.. it doesn't seem like it is, you are getting to a point where you are happy with "crumbs" of just "talking to him once in awhile" only to feel more "hungry" afterwards..

 

Remember you deserve more then "crumbs" you deserve the "whole cake"... so unless he's willing to be in this relationship in a loving, respectful intentional way... and you choose to keep talking to him, then he will be okay with just giving you "crumbs"... don't settle for that.. you deserve more.. and it starts with you respecting yourself enough to let go, walk through the sadness and loss, and move on..

 

This confidence and class to "let go" of the 'crumbs" is the MOST ATTRACTIVE thing you can do.. it's also the most difficult thing to do, because it requires you to believe in yourself... but you can do it...

[krnswte143]

thanks blendor

 

yeah, i'll stop talking to him.. whether or not he wants to get back with me or not. i need some time to myself to heal from the pain and the loss. i know it'll be hard because i do get tempted to email or IM him sometimes. just like today, i saw him online i was tempted to IM him but i didnt. I just signed off.

 

if its meant to be, we'll get back again.. i'll let fate decide that for me and him.

 

by the way i started to contact him...and not him

i do have a question, i wonder why he didnt reply back from my last email?

[Roasted Carrots]

If there have been lots of problems in your relationship for a long period of time, perhaps it is best to let go and heal.

 

He's probably just as confused as you are, which is the most likely reason he hasn't replied back to your e-mail. It's funny how you think you can really know a person, and connect on such a deep level, and then once you're broken up, suddenly you have no clue what he is thinking.

 

I agree with blender. When he does finally reply to your e-mail, you may want to start NC and really stick to it. Like blender says, you're starving yourself feeding off the crumbs he gives you when a wonderful women such as yourself deserves the whole cake. He won't truly know what he has lost until you are no longer part of his life.

 

NC is a hard route to go, but I think it is worth it. If you do end up getting back together, he will respect you more for respecting yourself.

 

Best of luck.

[blender]

It's okay that he didn't reply, it's fate nudging you, the feeling you are having now, about reaching out to him in an email and him choosing not to respond...remember this feeling, it doesn't feel so good right?

 

This is a "valuable lesson"... YOU are worthy of a guy who "wants to make an effort" to have you in his life... Now is the time for you to do "nothing" regarding him, no more emails, or im's, or texts, or calls... NOTHING...

 

You reached out, you sent an email, and he's made a choice not to respond... so be "okay' with that, say to yourself.. LESSON LEARNED..

 

Make a choice to learn from this "feeling" and try to stick with the "facts".. the fact is this guy is not "ready" for a relationship, and it's okay.. you will be okay, sure you will be sad for a bit, have moments where you feel desperate to contact him, it's normal to "feel" these things, but now make a choice not to "re-act" to these feelings by contacting him.. that is like going to a dry well for water over and over again, only to leave more thirsty, more tired, more upset..

 

Keep saying to yourself, HIS well is dry, I will not allow myself to keep going to it, no matter how thirsty I get, because I know it will only make me MORE thirstly and feeling not so good..

 

For today, feel empowered by YOUR choice to not contact him again.. make a day on the calendar, and make a promise to yourself that you will not contact him, you will not answer any emails, or calls from him, you will not put anymore of your precious energy into him...

 

You are now going to put this energy into yourself.. and yes it's going to be tough, so cry, cry, cry, talk to family, or a friend... just cry, feel the loss, and remember that you are going to get through this, and you will now have the self respect to NOT contact him again..

 

He's lost his chance with you, that is the way to look at it.. you sent him an email and he made a choice to ignore it.. so NOW

 

Really, what is the alternative? You contact him again, and he rolls his eyes, and thinks, 'doesn't she get it?''

 

don't give him that satisfaction... it no longer matters what HE thinks of you, all that matters now is what YOU think OF YOURSELF... and this healing starts with, no more contact, starting right now..one day at a time..... easy does it, breathe, and know that you will grow past all this and be better for it...

 

You will, keep asking questions here.. we are all here to help..

[krnswte143]

thanks roasted carrots (cute name, hehe)

 

yeah, we had a lot of problems in our relationship...we both made few big mistakes in our relationship.... i started to snoop around his emails and stuff ( he knows this cus i told him) i feel so bad but i guess him liivn w/ an ex n of course other ppl.... it made me uncomfortable. he pushed me once out of anger... which i forgave him after awhile. im sure he'l forgive me for snooping on his emails. which was a bad thing ive done..

 

so, i guess for now i'l go into NC for awhile. i'm going to Korea nxt month for 2 weeks. so, it'll be good for me. so i coul d come back nxt year feeeling good n happy

 

thanks all for your lovely advice...

 

its been so painful for awhile..

[Roasted Carrots]

Thanks krnswte143, I think my name is cute too! ^_^

 

I think a trip to Korea is exactly what you need right now.

 

Good luck, and keep us updated!

[krnswte143]

thanks blender

 

i appreciate your advices. i will stop contacting him because i dont want to look like a desperate person . i'll show him that im doing ok and that i dont need him in my life anymore. i'll just go on with my life now. im sure i'll miss him and as time passes by, we'l get over this. i know i will be fine. i know how to deal these. its not it happened to me first time hehe. i know how to do it. it hurts me so much..so much pain inside... im sure in time i'll be healed. i have faith in myself. and maybe in time if its meant to be we'll be back toghhter. its good to have some kinda hope. if we dont then we could be just friends if that is possible. it'll be hard for awhile..but i'll get through this from help from my friends, family, and people here. i probably come here more oftenly with my problems. its good that i could talk to ppl about it. im sure u and everyone know how it feels to loose someone you love so much and care for.. but its a lesson to be learned and an experience for me.

 

maybe it wasnt meant to be for us to be toghther.. we'll let fate decide on this.

 

its so hard to let go of the happy times we had toghhter.. i was reading my diary and the things we did toghther.. put a smile on my face.

 

 

so its been only 2 days i havent spoke to him.. and i'll keep stop contacting him. i do get tempted cus i see him online... kinda hard..

 

it'll be okay from a month or two from now.