strawberry Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Ok, I feel embarrassed writing to ask this question, but I really need some advice. Tonight my boyfriend and I were sitting in our living room doing work. I asked him if I could go to the gym tomorrow (he was working on renewing my membership for me) and he told me he already gave me the slip confirming my membership. I truly didnt remember since I was so busy last week. Then he started getting an attitude with me, slightly raising his voice saying that he was SURE he gave it to me. I never said he didnt, but I told him I didnt remember (I stayed calm the whole time). He started going through my books and found it. He said, "UGH here I told you I gave it to you" Mind you he was getting all upset. Since he had an attitude I just started doing my work again, and he started to demand an apology. I said I was sorry without looking up. He then goes, "are YOU serious?" I said, calmly but honestly that I thought he was being a jerk." His reponse: "well then you. You're a (mod edit>" and walked out. I need to leave this relationship and dont have the strength. This is not healthy right? I feel like crying. Link to comment
baby_yn Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 This is definatly an unhealthy relationship. He should not just get angry for small things. You sound very weak in the relationship (by weak i do NOT mean bad). You should leave him if this happens often. Maybe when you do have a friend stand near in case he gets violent, (cause some men do) Link to comment
rmpavlock Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Does he speak to you like that all the time? If so, this is definitely not good. How long have you two been together? Do you live with each other? Do you have friends and family you can talk to and will support you? Link to comment
strawberry Posted October 30, 2006 Author Share Posted October 30, 2006 Yes we live together. We've been dating for 3 and a half years and this has just been going on for about a year now. Im in such a predicament b/c I have no family here - I moved here for grad school. and Im not sure I can afford living on my own and my sched. is so hectic, when would I have time to move out? I know I just sound like Im making excuses, but they are real concerns. When my mom was here visiting, he swore at me in front of her and mocked me b/c I asked him to move some stuff off the bed so my mom could lay down (she has cancer). We didnt speak for 2 days. I know hes stressed w/ apps for PhD programs and stuff, but come on, right? Link to comment
rmpavlock Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Whoa....yes, you definitely need to get out of this situation. Do you have friends who live close by who you might be able to stay with while you get everything straightened out? Definitely do not give him the stress excuse. There is no excuse for treating you like that. I know it must be hard with everything going on, but you have to find a way. People like that don't change. They usually get worse. Is there someone at school you could talk to? Link to comment
strawberry Posted October 30, 2006 Author Share Posted October 30, 2006 I have a few friends here, but not many. I need to muster up the strength to just leave but Im scared. Sometimes hes just so wonderful and then im happy. I just wish I could have the courage to not put up w/ any of it. I still love him which makes it so hard. Link to comment
vesper Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 you are so sweet it sounds like you are genuinely trying to make a good life with him and work things out...if he is going to lose his temper with you though I would absolutely leave even if you do love him. Link to comment
rmpavlock Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Believe me, I know how hard it is. I'm telling you, though, that if you just do it you'll feel so much better. You'll have that calmness that you aren't getting right now, and you won't have to always worry about what will set him off. You deserve so much better! Link to comment
Desperatelover76 Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 He may just have angermanagement problems (like me) Link to comment
Hope75 Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Hi There, You are most certainly not crazy. But you are right, you do need to get out of there. No one has the right to treat another person that way, and I think you already know that someone who loved and respected you would not. The fact that he does not even hold back from being verbally abusive in front of your mother is very disconcerting too. I worry with a situation like this that it will escalate into physical violence too, and by that point you will be so broken down you will not leave. If you have any friends you trust I would call them and ask for help. Stay with them if possible while you figure out a new living situation. Can you stay at the dorms of your school? That might be a temporary solution until you can secure a better living situation. I have been where you are... part of our defense mechanism is to remember how he was so that you do not have to take action and can stay with him... but you need to look at who he is NOW, vs. who he was. Just some things to think about- you are NOT crazy. Link to comment
Fallout Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Well strawberry it's been one year since he's acting like this...he won't change if you let him treat you this way. I think you should leave...maybe even if you leave for a while it will make him see what he lost and try to change it's the only way....but don't go right back to him when he says he'll try to change it has to be real and you have to see the effects Link to comment
Desperatelover76 Posted November 4, 2006 Share Posted November 4, 2006 Dump him and get on with life, if he sparks up like this a lot then it wont be long until he puts you in hospital or worse Link to comment
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