why did this happen

[this2willpa55]

had a 9 month relationship with an amazing man. i met his friends and family and he met all the important people in my life. we decided to take the next step and move in together. i asked him a month before the breakup if he had reservations about us moving in together. he said he was extremely excited to be moving forward. a week before the breakup we bought new appliances preparing for my move in.

 

to make a long story short, we got into our first heated discussion. i said some things out of anger (we need to reevaluate our relationship). things i did not really mean. i asked him if we should spend some time apart. i don't know why i created such drama. this was our first real fight in 9 months aside from some friendly debates. then he dropped the bomb. he told me for the past 4 months, he has been thinking about something that he needs in his future wife. he wants someone with a life of the party type personality, someone who is boisterous. i am by no means a wallflower. i have a great personality and a good heart. i asked him why he never mentioned this before and he stated that everything else was so perfect with us that he thought that this one issue was very insignificant. i totally agree with that. it is extremely insignificant. we have the same value system, we both want children, we want the same things in life. the things that really matter, we have.

 

i don't understand why this happened. it has been 2 and a half weeks since the breakup. i feel like i have been hit with a ton of bricks. i woke up in his arms and we told each other we loved each other before we left for work and later that same evening he drops this bomb. i really had NO idea he even had issues with me. everything was amazing. he treated me like a queen and we were very much in love. how come i did not see this? maybe cold feet??

 

please tell me that he will come around.

[sunshine13]

I know exactly what you are going through. I came to this site to post and to see what others were doing to get better. Have you talked to him since the break up? I keep seeing that everyone says No Contact. Unfortunately, I have compromised myself on this and have called, texted, emailed and went to his house to get my belongings. Please don't make the same mistake. My situation is "almost" the same. We were supposed to be moving in together November first. We were not fighting and doing very well. Then all of the sudden we got into an argument on the phone and it was over. I have not heard from him since. But don't beat yourself up about something you may have said out of anger. WE HAVE ALL SAID THINGS OUT OF ANGER and I am sure he is not perfect. That pain is going to be there for a while. Since my fight with my ex was trivial just as yours was. I have told myself. . . If he really loved me then he would not throw away everything we had over a dumb argument. You would work it out. All relationships take work. But trust me on the fact that No Contact will work the best. Keep crying, be depressed and work through the emotions. Each day gets ****slightly**** better. It has been 4 weeks since my ex and I have broken up and I texted him 4 times today. So I am not giving advice! Just letting you know that we are here for you regardless what the future is.

[this2willpa55]

i contacted him twice: once to see if he had cooled down after the argument. he told me at that time i was the most beautiful person he has ever met inside and out, and i treated him the best out of all the relationships he has been in (3 total). but there is a little voice inside of him telling him he needs that personality type to make him feel complete. i responded that he needs to feel complete within himself.

 

i also emailed him telling him i wish him the best blah blah blah. he replied with you made the last 9 months the happiest of my life. apparently, he is looking for someone to make him happier. it's been one week since that email. i will try NC. i think it is what i need to do to move on.

 

it's hard to get out of bed sometimes. i did not go to work today because my stomach has been bothering me. can't eat, can't sleep. i don't want my life to suffer anymore.

[sunshine13]

I am leaving for the day from work. But if you will be online tomorrow I will talk to you further. I think we can probably help each other get through it. I know I will try to give you the best advice I can. I know how bad it hurts!!!!