When was the last time you had a close encounter?

[SquareWheel]

Well, I just turned 48. And heck, I guess I just had sort of a sheltered life. I was always a sensitive, too-cerebral kid, and I'm sure you know that kids like that tend to have a difficult time in school. And I went to some rough schools and I picked up some really unfortunate misperceptions about people in my teens.

 

If I'd opened up after I finished high school I'd have found out that people are not all as bad as the kids in school, but by that time I'd become pretty avoidant, and I stayed pretty much a loner.

 

I was growing up here in Georgia during the sexual revolution of the 1970s, when the social climate was a lot more open and freewheeling than it is now, and sexuality was everywhere in pop culture. Anyway, If I'd had an experience or two, like everyone else, I'm sure I'd have put it behind me and moved on like everyone else did. But it never happened for me and as the years went by I spent a *lot* of time thinking about sex. Maybe I've made it into something more than it really is, but for me it's the dream of a lifetime. You can't imagine what a frustrating and unhappy life it's been!

 

Anyway, along came the internet, and I started reading message boards, and thinking more and more about what I'd been missing. By then I was in my early 40s, and it was then that I made up my mind to break out of my coccoon and try to find whatever happiness I still could in my few remaining relatively young years.

 

So I started making myself talk to total strangers in public, and I discovered that most people are actually pretty nice. That was a real revelation for me after so many years living with only memories of the crude kids I'd known in high school. But I really enjoyed it, and by now I'm becoming a real people person. Wow, talk about a turnaround!

 

But I still haven't had many opportunities to meet women. I tend to work in all-male environments, and I'm still a mite gunshy about going into bars or night clubs. So I'm still pretty frustrated that way. I'm going nuts trying to think of a way to meet women. I hope this won't sound crass or shallow, but I desperately want to lose my virginity sometime in the next couple of years. God I don't want to be a 50 year old virgin!

 

Anyway, it does me a lot of good just having the forums where I can vent a little, and sometimes get answers or just encouraging ideas. I don't want to hire a "professional"; I want the real experience with someone who wants to be with me. Thankfully, I still look very youthful. I'm tall and still slim, and my hair is still thick with no gray in it. And I think I'm at least decent-looking. I like to think that maybe it's karma's way of giving me a last chance.

 

I have a question. Do you think that very many women would find an adult virgin intriguing? I think we have some pretty good "selling points". We're the safest sex around. And I would think any woman would appreciate having a lover who doesn't have a dozen other women's fingerprints all over him. We're eager to learn and eager to please. And we're not jaded. Nobody will ever appreciate you more than a guy for whom you're the only lover he's ever known. We don't come with any pre-existing bad habits, so you can train us the right way from the start.

 

Anyway, that's my little sales pitch. I'd appreciate any input from the ladies here. Do you think an adult virgin would be fun, or a turnoff? I like to think that I have something unique and special to offer to some nice (or naughty?) woman. My great challenge is to find a way to put myself out there and "market" myself. Any suggestions?

[rikka]

last time I got any loving was 6 days ago with my boyfriend.

[Baby Carrot]

Hey, SQUARE WHEEL, that's a pretty impressive story. Specially knowing you grew up in the middle of all the 70's sexual pandemonium.

 

I had somewhat tough times in school as well, but my libido was stronger than my fear for people... My first time was not that big of a deal, really. Actually it was one of the most meaningless experiences in my life. I didn't even enjoy it.

 

Not trying to discourage you, of course. You have this big advantage: as a guy is not gonna hurt at all.

 

IMO it takes a bit of practice to really start enjoying it and getting the best out of it.

 

Do you think that very many women would find an adult virgin intriguing?

 

Honestly, I think 99% of the women would find it incredible more than intriguing. You're selling points are excellent, but... let me ask you something: how can you actually prove you are, in fact, a virgin?

[Lasko]

All of the above exept the intercourse last weekend.

[SquareWheel]

Baby Carrot... First, I want to say that I'm very sorry to hear you didn't enjoy your First Time. I've always thought of the First Time as the most important experience in life, something that's supposed to be like a religious revelation.

 

I think I got that largely from the pop culture of the 70s; the First Time was a common theme in movies, music, books, and even occasionally TV all through that decade. I grew up thinking that it was something that was supposed to be virtually guaranteed to happen to everyone. ("In everyone's life, there's a summer of '42".) That's one reason I'm still so dissatisfied with my life even now; it just feels so incomplete.

 

Another thing that I'm anxious and somewhat saddened about is that I just know that even if I do find my holy grail someday, it won't be as powerful and profound an experience as it would have been when I was younger. After all, when you're a teen-ager, every new experience is magical in ways that it will never be years later. That's why I so deeply envy all these young kids who have their first experience in their teens. I've always assumed/imagined that when you're that young, it must be the most overwhelming sensation you can possibly experience.

 

After all, I've never had any kind of even passingly romantic contact with the opposite sex. I've only had 3 female acquaintances, and I'm counting one British penpal who visited me for 3 weeks in 1982. (In that case, I learned after she'd returned to England that she'd come here looking for an amorous adventure in America, and in my naivete and timidity, I'd missed all her cues. It could have been so perfect; just like in the movies. But we both lost out because of my stupidity. I've been agonizing over that for 24 years now. I actually had a chance... what would it have been like... could it really have happened... Over and over and over.)

 

But anyway, for me, sex or any kind of intimacy was always just something to fantasize about, not something I thought I could ever do. For me, sex has just meant fantasizing and masturbation for over 3 decades. Can you begin to see now how I'd make such a big deal out of what apparently is just an everyday part of life for everyone else?

 

And that brings me to something you said... You said that 99% of women would find it incredible that a guy couldn't get laid in all this time. And other people I've told my little secret to felt the same way, they refused to believe me. At first I was astonished. This is possibly the most frustrating part for me. Is it really so easy for everyone else? Does everyone else find partners and sex so easily that they can't believe one guy hasn't been able to do it? Wow... it's mind boggling how different life can be for different people. Sometimes all you can do is shake your head in amazement. If there's a secret, somebody please let me in on it!

 

Also, you said your libido was stronger than your fear of people. Considering how overwhelming my libido was in my younger years, it always seemed like that should be the case with me, but it didn't work out that way. I guess I had a lot of wrong ideas about how things worked, and being a hermit, I never found out how wrong I was. (Actually, it's a recent revelation to me that women even have libidos! All these years, I thought women had no interest in sex and only accommodated their guys' desires to get and keep husbands and boyfriends. You know what they say about women giving sex to get love, and men giving love to get sex.)

 

How can I prove I'm still untouched? Wow, you got me there. Of course it's impossible. But I should probably clarify here that I wasn't literally trying to "sell" myself to anyone in that last post; I was just thinking out loud. I do tend to ramble. After all, this is a discussion forum, not a dating site. (But, that doesn't mean I'm not open to receiving a PM on the one-in-a-million chance that there might be a nice woman in the Georgia-Alabama area who'd like to chat. ) If I were going to actually try to market myself on some personals site, I guess the best I could do would be to offer to let any interested prospective partner take me to her doctor to verify that I'm STD free.

 

After all these years it feels like an impossible dream. I can't shake off the feeling that it just wasn't meant for me and never will be. I can't imagine why this fell on me; maybe I was a terrible person in my last life or something. I don't know. But it does do me good to get all this stuff off my chest.

[Deviant_Kate]

That intercourse question isn't very gay friendly. Now...if you replace "intercourse" with "hot lesbian sex," then all three, the night before last.

[Japanfreak05]

Sunday, with my boyfriend!!! Cars are fun

[Baby Carrot]

That intercourse question isn't very gay friendly. Now...if you replace "intercourse" with "hot lesbian sex," then all three, the night before last.

 

"Hot lesbian sex" isnt very hetero friendly either. Anyway, u get the idea right?

 

We're talking about hot love making in any version.

[Deviant_Kate]

"Hot lesbian sex" isnt very hetero friendly either. Anyway, u get the idea right?

 

We're talking about hot love making in any version.

I wasn't trying to be hetero-friendly, I was trying to be funny.

[Baby Carrot]

Sounds really hot, Kate.

 

I truly envy you.

 

Cute dog BTW

[Baby Carrot]

SQUARE WHEEL:

 

I so deeply envy all these young kids who have their first experience in their teens. I've always assumed/imagined that when you're that young, it must be the most overwhelming sensation you can possibly experience.

Maybe for boys. For girls is completely different. The only overwhelming thing was the pain and the social pressure for doing it.

 

It could have been so perfect; just like in the movies. But we both lost out because of my stupidity. I've been agonizing over that for 24 years now. I actually had a chance... what would it have been like... could it really have happened...

 

Stop beating yourself up about the past. Like the song... kiss your past goodbye, or kiss ur a** goodbye. Create your own movie again, nothing is stopping yout but your own self.

 

For me, sex has just meant fantasizing and masturbation for over 3 decades.

 

Actual sex is pretty much masturbating inside the body of a woman. Big deal. My sex life consist of masturbation only for now and who knows for how long. And honestly, even with a partner, Im the only responsible of my own orgasms. So again, big deal.

 

This is possibly the most frustrating part for me. Is it really so easy for everyone else? Does everyone else find partners and sex so easily that they can't believe one guy hasn't been able to do it?

 

No, you just think that way. Is what we do, we're animals. We eat, we poop, we fart, we sleep, we orgasm, we die. Masturbating is also having sex, so I dont think ur that different.

 

I guess the best I could do would be to offer to let any interested prospective partner take me to her doctor to verify that I'm STD free.

Thats the right thing to do

 

After all these years it feels like an impossible dream. I can't shake off the feeling that it just wasn't meant for me and never will be.

 

Yes it can be as soon as you stop thinking about it as impossible. If, being yourself, havent helped you at all for getting laid, try being someone else. Role play, pretend being someone you're not for fun and u'll find out is nothing impossible for you or for anyone. Get out of your shell already, leave your bagagge behind for a while, have fun and follow the instincts of your libido for the first time. Sounds really exciting actually. You should be thrilled.

[SquareWheel]

Baby Carrot... I'm a bit surprised here. In the past year or so that I've been reading the message boards, it's beginning to look to me like at least some women enjoy sex as much as the guys do. So I'm a bit surprised that you see the girl's side of the experience as just pressure and pain. But I'm sure it's different for everyone.

 

I'm also surprised to hear women express dissatisfaction or frustration at not getting any "activity" in a long time. I'd have thought it'd be easy for women to find partners; after all, men are notoriously always ready to go. Was I wrong?

 

This is really ironic, but as the years have gone by my libido has really faded, even as my preoccupation with sex has intensified. At this point, it's the whole seduction experience, the adventure, that I want and need, as much as the actual sex. So even if I do someday succeed in getting laid, sadly, I may be just going through the motions for the sake of doing it. But I could be wrong; maybe being in the presense of a real live woman would re-awaken the old lust.

 

After all, there has to be a big difference between watching images on a TV screen and how it'd feel to be sitting with a real live woman, close enough to feel her breath on your face (I've fantasized for years about how that must feel!). And it seems to me the rush must be like an emotional tidal wave when she first begins to undress and you realize that it's really about to happen. Heck, I've never even seen an undressed female form outside of videos and photos.

 

Maybe that'd bring back the teen-aged me. I'll never know until/unless I try.

 

Anyway, thanks for all the advice and encouragement. You make it sound so simple and easy! (But then, you no doubt have the advantage of an active social life and lots of friends. Must be nice!)

 

But you really impressed me with that last bit of advice. "If, being yourself, havent helped you at all for getting laid, try being someone else." what clever three-dimensional thinking! You're definitely onto something there. Being myself hasn't worked very well for me... so, maybe I could develop a new "character" with the traits I want and need to have, and step into that role, become him, when it's called for. What an intriguing idea. If this works as I suspect it could, you've really helped me. Thanks, BC!

[now_better]

squarewheel, i'm not going to kid you that sex is bad. it's incredible... with that said, now that i'm not in a relationship, i really miss just having someone to hug and being really close to someone. just being able to fall asleep kissing and hugging someone to sleep... really, nothing beats it in the world (i'm one of those abnormally, sensitive guys). i think you'll understand when you develop a relationship with someone. keep putting yourself out there.

[Deviant_Kate]

Cute dog BTW

 

Thanks! She's a sweetheart.

[Baby Carrot]

SQUARE WHEEL:

 

Yeah, I never said the female experience is pressure and pain in general, I'm talking specifically about the first time. First times IMO are pretty screwed up specially on your teen years. You really don't know ur body that well, ur self conscious and insecure, you don't know where to put what, you get nervous, so you dont get wet enough and thereforeeee it hurts, etc, etc. But it gets better with time and practice. It really does.

 

I'm frustrated not because I can't possibly find anything, I mean yeah guys are always ready to go. I'm frustrated because I'm being selective. It is easy indeed to find random partners, but I'm into random sleeping around. I'm picky and thereforeeee frustrated. I want what I want or nothing at all LOL.

 

The whole seduction experience and the adventure along with the sex is what I'm referring to as thrilling. Don't let preoccupation and anxiety substitute ur libido... those are really pointless feelings and are not gonna help you at all IMO. I think u seriously need to shake off that major negativity u've been feeding all this years towards the whole getting laid thing.

 

But then, you no doubt have the advantage of an active social life and lots of friends. Must be nice!

 

Just for the record, I really don't have any of that. I'm no Miss Congeniality.

 

Being myself hasn't worked very well for me... so, maybe I could develop a new "character" with the traits I want and need to have, and step into that role, become him, when it's called for. What an intriguing idea. If this works as I suspect it could, you've really helped me. Thanks, BC!

Hey, I'm glad it might help. Plus it could be a whole lot of fun. And the best of all, the only thing you have to lose, is your virginity.

 

Good luck!

[SquareWheel]

Thanks to everyone who gave me ideas and feedback. You've all done me good.

 

But... I feel selfish for taking up so much time with my own problems. After all, this is Baby Carrot's thread.

 

So, BC... care to talk about it?

 

You're holding out for the right guy or right kind of guy. So, which is more frustrating, missing sex itself, or the difficulty of finding a suitable guy?

 

If it's missing sex, do you miss sex just for the physical pleasure, or for the emotional intimacy? Or for the seduction experience?

 

If it's the scarcity of suitable men, what qualities do you value in a man that are so hard to find? Or are you finding suitable men, only to find that they want something else?

 

You say the thrill is in the seduction and adventure. Well, how do you like it to happen? What's the dream-come-true pursuit-and-seduction scene?

 

That's all the questions that come to my mind. But with my lack of experience, I'm sure I'm missing some things, so please feel free to ramble. You've tolerated my ramblings very patiently, and I'd be really interesting in hearing your feelings.

[SquareWheel]

One more question ocurred to me. If you're being so selective, it suggests that most guys are doing something wrong, or just aren't offering what you need. What can a guy do to give you the experience you want? What would you want men to know about making the seduction adventure perfect for their for women?

[ScreenagerX]

When was the last time -and with whom- you...

 

• Had intercourse / Hot sex-love making ?
  
• Made out?
  
• French kissed?

 

 

All 3 - Tuesday with a girl I've known for about two weeks.

[InaneCathode]

1) Yesterday, unfortunately (too busy today

2) Today (in a 65 chevy)

3) Today (also, in a 65 chevy)

[Baby Carrot]

Hey, no prob SW, we´re happy to help.

 

In response to your questions:

 

So, which is more frustrating, missing sex itself, or the difficulty of finding a suitable guy?

Missing sex. I´m aware I may never find the "suitable guy", and have to become a practicant of the so called ´sleeping around´

 

If it's missing sex, do you miss sex just for the physical pleasure, or for the emotional intimacy? Or for the seduction experience?

I really really need a good shag right now much more than the emotional intimacy and the seduction experience.

 

If it's the scarcity of suitable men, what qualities do you value in a man that are so hard to find? Or are you finding suitable men, only to find that they want something else?

Yeah, I kind of have a suitable candidate, but is getting really complicated for us to finally meet and find out if it works out.

 

You say the thrill is in the seduction and adventure. Well, how do you like it to happen? What's the dream-come-true pursuit-and-seduction scene?

I mentioned it´d be thrilling in your situation, for example, since you´re pretty much independent, productive and self suficient. I lack all that for now. My dream-come-true pursuit-and-seduction scene would be travelling abroad and get it on in other country different than mine. Which of course I can´t do, since I´m not independent, productive or self suficient (yet). Now that´s frustrating

 

If you're being so selective, it suggests that most guys are doing something wrong, or just aren't offering what you need.

Yeah, but is not like is their fault or anything. They really don´t have to óffer´me anything. I just don´t feel like I have much in common with the guys around. I don´t even find them hot, interesting or stimulating.

 

What can a guy do to give you the experience you want?

Well, nothing specific, like ´3 beanie pets, 4 boxes of chocolates, 12 pairs of Jimmy Choo´s, and an Ashton Martin´ (Although it´d be nice to be a wealthy guy´s princess, now that I think about it HAHAHAH here it surfaces my Cinderella complex) Is about having chemistry together and being upfront about things. I do can tell the attitude ártist and god of sex´ is such a turn off, but of course, that´s just me.

 

What would you want men to know about making the seduction adventure perfect for their for women?

That´s a really general question than can have millions of answers. I can´t talk for every man´s woman, but personally, a great seduction adventure should include lots of chemistry, attraction, thruthfulness, sweet details and hot petting. Oh, and very important, exclusivity.

 

 

LOL Thanks for the interview, it was fun.

[SquareWheel]

Sorry if that last post sounded like an interrogation, BC. After hogging your thread like I did, I was trying to give you some encouragement to open up with your own feelings. You seem like a very nice person, and I really hope you'll find the perfect guy and have the time of your life very soon.

[Baby Carrot]

Thanks SW, ditto.