My Love Adventure

[JSHRN]

Hi Everyone.

 

A woman I've been dating for a month is waiting for her "room mate" to move out of her house so we can pursue something more serious. She couldn't figure out what's taking him so long to move out and I said "Once he moves out I hope you find someone". She replied "I already did" and looked at me. It made me feel really good. The problem is we see more of each other at work than elsewhere and now she is talking about getting another job. It's too early to say I love her but we've developed strong, mutual feelings for each other. When I tell her I'll take a few steps back from things and see what happens she tells me that's not what she wants. I can see us having a future together - we've already talked about travelling for work together next year when she finishes school.

 

Am I reading too much into this? Sometimes I feel like I should make myself unavailable for her but I worry that she'll want to end things.

 

Help Please!

[segagirl]

hello,

 

Does not sound like she wants you to take a step back, I think she is just trying to be respectful of the person living with her, who I assume is an ex. As long as she treats you well, the two of you are having a good time...then just relax and give it a little time. You may want to at least talk to her about doing more outside of work. Maybe just meeting out and doing things with one another.

[JSHRN]

Hi.

 

Thanks for your reply to my post. Yes, her room mate is an ex. She has tried to work out things with him but recently threw her hands up and said "no more". He's moving out in the next 2 weeks. Initially, she made the first move and asked me out. I was flattered and we have developed an mutual interest in each other. We've talked about going on day trips and vacations together already. We've even planned on travelling for work (travel nurse) when she finishes school next year. As I said, we spend more time together at work than outside of work. I know she has close friends but she tends to make more plans with them than with me. I want to tell her but I don't want it to seem like I'm being jealous or insecure (which I feel I'm becoming).

 

I also her know present home situation prevents us from spending more time together. I'm not trying to force a serious relationship with her yet but I wish we could share more together. I talked to a close friend last night who suggested continuing to give her space and talk to her but not to step back. I'm just afraid I'm going to "lose her" and that really scares me.

[Turboz]

So whats stopping you inviting her back to your place for a meal, movie, drink etc?

 

Seems to me like your expecting her to make the move and get the ex out of her place so you can both spend time together but surely you live somewhere too? - whats wrong with your place?

 

Ok, so you see her more at work than at any other time in the day. Easily solved:

"It recently occurred to me we don't really know that much about eachother outside of work! How about we meet up sometime soon for a meal/movie/coffee or soemthing?"

 

I doubt she's gonna say no - as you've already said you are both quite close so whats the problem?

 

You need to find a way around the obstacles in your life - not let the obstacles stop you from getting what you want.

[JSHRN]

Let me fill in some things here about Allison:

 

1. We've already spent time at my place just hanging out, watching TV and talking but that has only been twice in the last 2 weeks. Last night I mentioned to her that we see each other more at work and she replied "I saw you last week and this week" (In reality, they were only 2 partial days as she had other plans and couldn't stay longer.

 

I'd like her to clear her calendar for just one day - with no interruptions, no other plans - just her and I.

 

2. I thought after she asked me out that we would spend more time together than we have. She has mentioned that I'm not a "typical male" and like no guy she's ever met before. She says that she has so much fun with me but I wonder why she chooses not to spend more time with me.

 

3. She says that she has no feelings for her room mate (who is moving out in 2 weeks).

 

4. A friend of mine feels she is playing a game here. I don't know what to think because Allison made such an effort to wait for me and ask me out. Is it possible her "quest" is over with me and she's moving on?

 

5. I realize she's in a complicated situation and knew that when she asked me out. I also knew she didn't want a serious relationship starting out.

 

6. We've talked about going on day trips, overnight trips, vacations, and travelling next year with our jobs.

 

7. When I felt insecure last week about our situation I mentioned to her "I hope you find someone" and she said "I did" and looked at me.

 

 

I'm beginning to feel really insecure about this and don't know what to do. I'm 41 and she's 28 (age is not a factor to either one of us). I'm not into game-playing but feel I'm being played by her. Do you think I am?

 

I've left myself vulnerable for her and feel I need to step while she cleans up her situation. She also has school starting in 2 weeks.

 

My Mom died 3 weeks ago and Allison was very supportive to me. One time she called and said "I know you have so much going on with your family and everything and I hope I didn't complicate that. I don't want things to end up that way". Any thoughts on where she's coming from?

 

I really care for her but feel like I'm being played.

 

Any thoughts?

[segagirl]

Hi again,

 

I really just think that she is not in a place to give you much more. I think that is ok, and smart on her part. Right now I can only guess how she is feeling, breaking up....having him move out. It must be very hard feelings of love or not. I say just continue to move on the path that you are....and see where it takes you.

 

I would say hold tight until the two weeks are up and he moves out. Then see how it goes from there. Once he moves out, then you can ask her about spending more time with you.

[JSHRN]

Hi again.

 

I just talked to Allison on the phone and cleared the air about many things.

 

1. We continue to agree that neither of us wants a serious relationship until she's out of school next year.

 

2. She said she wants more than a friendship and wants us to spend more time together - but also wants to be able to come and go as we please. The last thing she needs (and I want) is for us to jeopardize what we have. She has her situation at home with her ex and that she can't spend much more time with me.

 

3. We agree that we can see ourselves together for a long time but need to take one day at a time.

 

4. She looks forward to spending more time together when he moves out and I'm helping her with school.

 

 

I've realized that my previous insecurities about this are unjustified. She said she's glad we had our talk and straightened things out because she was concerned I wanted out.

 

She really enjoys spending time with me - even if we're just hanging out - but needs me to realize that she spends more time with her friends because usually her ex is around or close by and she doesn't want it to complicate things between us.

 

I do feel better about things now and have a clearer picture about where she's coming from, where we're going and that we're both on the same page. Don't get me wrong - I'd love for us to get serious tomorrow but I realize that that's not good for either one of us. We'll continue to develop things, take things slow and things will work out.

 

It's refreshing to have someone like her in my life that shares the same values and ideas. I feel better knowing that this is just a bump in the road for us and that she's looking to the the future with me - just not overnight.