The Essence of Inability to Perform

[BlueWolf]

I should have figured this out long, long ago. But I've only stopped to think about it a little more today.

 

The one and only problem which is prohibiting me from being with girls that I like is that I do not act the same way in front of them as I do with other girls. That is it.

 

If I do not feel any attraction to a girl, I couldn't care less of what she thought - thus I am my own crazy self. So much so, that some girls are basically pulling my cell phone out of my pants to get my number, and avoid being with friends to be with me.

Taking this into account, NO WONDER it always seems as if the only girls who like me are the ones I feel no attraction to. I used to wonder so much about that, and now I see how simple it really is. Whoa...

 

So what do I have to do? Each time I'm with a girls I am attracted to do I have to develop a STRONG negative mental image of her so that I don't feel so much under pressure? You know, if someone answered that question and it worked for me, that person would be my hero.

Seriously.

 

I can't believe something so superficial is stopping me from being who I want to be. It really is that suprficial. It has nothing to do by how outgoing a girl is - that doesn't even affect how I act in front of girls. In fact, the more outgoing the better. It all has to do with looks.

 

So the good news: The problem is very, very simple.

The bad news: I'm not aware of something that would work. But I bet it likely has to do with developing a different reality or a mental image which bypasses what I see on the surface.

 

Comments are welcome!

[stopit]

How exactly do you act in front of the girls that you are attracted to? If you turn shy whereas you are normally outgoing in front of a girl, many girls are bound to find that cute and attractive. If you start unconsciously doing what most people would consider discourteous at best, that's a different story.

 

It really depends on what behavior you resort to when you're around the girls you're attracted to when it comes to tackling this issue. If you get so nervous that you lose your sense of humor and come off as contrived or dull, then keep the first few conversations about simple things and keep jokes off limits for the most part. If you get cocky, then automatically second guess yourself when you're about to say something that may be a bit over the top and ask yourself if that's something that you would ordinarily say.

 

I don't think it's about visualizing that you're talking to the single most unattractive girl you've ever seen in the span of your entire life. It's about getting to the skills to keep yourself constant, and perhaps even channel "energy" from the attraction that you feel. Instead of pretending you're talking to a can of soup, know for a fact that you are someone confident, outgoing and worthy of the attention of the girl you're talking to. Believe it and keep cool.

 

If it helps at all, do you think most people are their natural selves around the poeple they are attracted to? Absolutely not! Most people go bonkers. It's perfectly normal, something we all go through, and yet no one would be together if they couldn't somehow work through it.

[BlueWolf]

How exactly do you act in front of the girls that you are attracted to?

 

Sometimes I'm pretty quiet. Unless I'm high on happiness, then my true personality shines and they DO notice.

However I can't always bring myself to display my true outgoingness when in front of these girls. I just can't bring about the natural character.

 

I'm determined to ask a girl out tomorrow. I don't care what happens. It's practice for me. That is not to say I'm using her as a toy to practice on. I respect her and I do like her. So if she says yes, then great! If not, I'm determined that it wouldn't affect my day at all (like it did the last time I got rejected. lol).

[stopit]

That's great! The less importance you place on it, the less pressure you'll feel, and the more you will be able to be yourself. So don't care all you want! Just don't tell her that lol.

 

Best of luck, though doubt you even need it!