New to this !! Working with your ex !

[Alison63]

I have never done anything like this before but have been logged into to all your threads for the last few weeks and they really helped me. Thanks.

 

I was in a relationship for over 1 1/2 years which was great for the first six months and gradually took a turn for the worst. A lot of mind games, verbal and physical abuse in the last year.

 

I work with my ex every day and find it hard to even look at him never mind talk to him since we split up as I have had the time to think about everything that he put me through whereas before I shut all the bad things out of my mind because I loved him and felt that I needed him !!!!!!!!

 

Does anybody know how I should be acting around him in work, (I have no contact outside of work) because he looks like the good guy in work I feel that I look like I am acting immaturely by not talking to him when really it just hurts too much to talk to him.

 

A xxxx

[pacopaco]

hi alison,

 

I guess i don't have any advice, more of a question. what is that like, working with your ex? my ex had an affair with her boss, and she still works there with him, everyday, sees him everyday. she told me is a mind game player, and is manipulative. it sucks for her, i know, but it isn't my problem. so again, what is it like for you? it sucks, i'm sure.

[Alison63]

Its hard, my ex is the flirtatious type and I see him talking to the other girls in the office and it hurts. But on my strong days I know that this is only designed to hurt me cause I haven't contacted him this time and usually I would have. I am trying hard not to give him any kind of reaction. I get some comfort in the fact that I have just been promoted (temp) to be in charge of the Admin section and this seems to bother him (comments he has made to other people). Im sure it is really hard for your ex also people like my ex and and your ex's boss will do whatever they can to get attention. A xxxx

[ForAnother]

Whatever you do don't quit the job... its irrational and will only make you seem weak in his eyes.

 

Seeing someone everyday that you used to be with is always hard... there is no exact solution obviously, but the best piece of advice i can give is just think he is the child... using other people to stab at your heart is childplay... its what people did in High School.

 

To tell you the truth, most people know that you and he were dating, and now broken up Im sure most are just curious how the relationship unfolded... they are giving him attention now, but soon it will fade im sure.

 

-ForAnother

[jmantra]

I am in a similar situation I see my ex quite alot since my sister has moved back home. Before my sister moved out I was having a hard time coping and things got a little out of control to say the least.Alot of drama that I'd rather not think about. Now I've got a better grip on things because I have a new job and a great future.

 

My advice to you is to be the bigger better person. Always stand the moral higher ground. Always be professional in your dealings with him, if he tries to bring up personal matters tell him this is not the place to discuss it. If starts doing immature things like spreading rumours or flirting with other women to make you jealous, just ignore it and pretend it doesn't bother you. Cause eventually he won't bother you anymore. You will grow stronger because of this and you will find someone who treats you better. "Whenever one door closes, another one opens"

[jscott2124]

Hi Allison

I feel your pain. I also work with my ex although we work in separate departments and don't have much interaction I occasionally see her, i.e. walking around, in the break room, so on and so forth. She broke up with me, cheated on me and has been going around telling everyone about her new man. Everyone who talks to me about her says she is acting childish and immature. I never have said a bad word about her, yet everyone knows from her actions and how she is talking about her new guy what kind of person she really is.

My advice to you is to do what I do when I see my ex. Act like he is air. I don't acknowledge her presense, don't acknowledge that she even exists. She has tried to speak to me once in the break room by saying hi and I responded with a noncommittal what's up. She knows I don't wish to have any further contact with her and this has helped me so much in dealing with the pain and heartache of being cheated on.

People who know you will know that you weren't the bad person in the relationship and will know that he is an immature selfish person by the things that he is saying at work. Not only is it unprofessional it is childish. He is playing high school games and needs to grow up and other people will see this in time.

 

Best of luck and stay strong!

[Alison63]

Cheers guys your support means a lot, will try hard to be the better person and rise above his games.

 

He caught me on my way out to a meeting today so I had my first real conversation with him. Quite confusing got the I would like to be friends bit and the I truly loved you bit mixed in with the I don't know why I was ever with you bit. I thought I was ok with it at the time got a bit teary but after it felt ok, now having had the time to think about it getting quite upset and rather depressed.

 

But on the bright side going to the gym tomorrow to take my frustrations out on the treadmill and he is off tomorrow so hopefully I can truly be myself for the day without all the anxious feelings.

 

Thanks again. Alison XXX