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a breakup poem for my friends


RANKANDFILE
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The Unmerry Go Round

 

I set the traps that I walk into time and time again.

Emotional blackmail made to order now and then.

Letting go of her, letting go of memories, letting go...

Surrendering to the impermanence of this circus show.

So why is it so hard to say goodbye and really know

A child full of mirth, glancing backward…time to go home.

 

The sage advice of those who love me doesn't land.

I am always returning myself to the palm of her hand.

And what others see so clearly about a situation gone awry

Doesn't even register…she's always just the apple of my eye.

 

This is like my jigsaw, missing half it's pieces, unfinished and incomplete.

The picture can never focus, a game in which only I compete.

I pour myself into fitting everything that doesn't fit.

Trying madly to fill the blanks and voids I can't remit.

 

Around and around we go…where we land…no one knows.

Such is this life on the Unmerry circle, spinning now,

Reaching for the brass ring, but asking how…just how

In the world did I end up here and when can I step down?

 

If you have been on this ride, you too know it's destination.

It's in your heart, in your mind, your soul's bittersweet elation.

The electric current making revolutions…your addiction, your generation.

And whilst you ask the self-same questions, you pay the dizzying toll,

Continuously going round and round, Unmerry, until you fold.

 

Life in circles, until you've learned from each passing by.

Is how the world teaches us to navigate and not to cry.

Our burdens be that we cannot see until we try.

Letting go of wanton needs that shan't be satisfied.

 

The instructions here within...

Written in the untranslatable language of longing,

Unique to each infatuation, each upset, and each wronging.

Or so we tell ourselves, in our melancholy, moody sing-songing.

 

The Unmerry Go Round is an in between

A roadside rest stop, not an ending, not the means…

But the place in which you come to know

Everything is not always as it seems.

You hurt so much because you haven't seen

The seeds you've sewn and refuse to glean.

So, dear hearts, aching in this ebb and flow…

Ye Unmerry spinning fast and sinking slow,

Remember this when your light house will not glow…

 

Out of circles, we move onward into further glories…

And when we're strong and merry, only then may we finish unfinished stories.

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