I feel so guilty

[carlogiovanni]

The other day I was sitting in a bar with some friends, the bar had large windows that opened out into the street. I'd had a few drinks and I was quite relaxed. I saw a blind woman walk past the windows, and I genuinely thought to myself how amazing it was how disabled people can function and get on with their lives. That is what I thought in my head. But what came out was something different.

 

I said "Wow she's blind and doing so well."

 

It came out so sarcastic, I really didn't mean it like that, not at all derogatory, but I said it, and the lady stopped walking, and looked towards the window and then carried on walking.

 

I have been feeling so guilty as I didn't go after her or try to explain my comment.

 

Of course she heard, I can't imagine how I made her feel.

 

The guilt isn't going away, I know there's nothing I can do about it now, but really it's just horrible that came out of my mouth and that she heard it.

 

 

 

I guess I don't really need advice, just wanted to write it down.

[Clementine orange]

Been there, done that, felt bad. Many of us have. Here's some help though - you only thought it sounded sarcastic. Maybe she didn't take it that way. Perhaps.

 

I remember when I was in University there was a girl in a wheelchair in several of my classes, we were cordial (said "Hi" if we saw each other in the hallways and the occasional comment but not much more than that) One day she asked me if I knew how to get to such and such a classroom (huge campus) and I gave her verbal directions. After she went off I realized that I had said something like "go down those stairs there and then down the hallway and then back up the other staircase" or something to that effect without even thinking that of course she couldn't use stairs. I was wracked with guilt for months and avoided her eyes after that.

 

A year or so later I confessed this to a friend whose brother was in a wheelchair and he told me that maybe it wasn't so bad as obviously I had seen the person and not the chair and that made me feel a little better (not sure if I buy it though)

 

However, I know that the last thing a disabled (or handicapped or whatever it is) person wants or needs is sympathy.

 

Maybe you could try being supernice to any or all who may be suffering to make up for it. That and just accept that whats done is done.

[melrich]

I agree. Everyone makes a faux pas once in a while. I am sure she took no great offence.

[Krosis]

I'm a little puzzled. You said this, and yet she heard you through the windows? Very interesting. I wouldn't be surprised if when you said it, she just happened to face the window. I don't see how she could have heard you through a half inch of glass. But then again, I was not there. So I'm not sure how loud you said it, or even if the windows were open.

 

But you can't beat yourself up about a comment you did not mean. If she DID in fact hear you, I'm sure she's over it by now.

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

i agree with jazzgirl i believe in karma

[carlogiovanni]

The windows were open and she definitely heard me. I don't think I'm an awful person I just felt really * * * *ty that I didn't make it better and now I can't. I'm sure I'll work it all out.

 

It's interesting because I was thinking about why people do good deeds in general. Is it to help altruistically or to make ourselves feel better about previous wrong doings? Does that mean helping others is ultimately selfish?

 

Do you guys think altruism exists in its purest form or is it relative to situations and people as to why we do or say certain things?

[Clementine orange]

Very interesting concept - why are we nice? I know that I'm usually way nicer when I'm in a good mood etc. Also in my earthly travels I have run into some people who have been extrodinarily nice without any reason to be so. People from all walks of life. So I feel as though I should "pass it on"

A homeless person (or at least an extremely grubby hanger-around) once stopped me and pointed out to me that I left my laptop in the cafe. I was floored by this.

I believe in what goes around, comes around but I try not to make that as a motivator. To me, the big picture dictates that it is far better (easier and less hassle) to be totally honest and nice than it is to feel guilty about it later. But then that is selfish as well - trying to avoid guilt that is.

 

Oh yeah, the human condition - we are complicated. N'est pas?

 

I'd be interested in what others have to say about this. What role does religion play? Are you nice because you are nice or nice because god tells

you to be.

 

Free will and all that. Isn't it better to not steal because it isn't a good thing to do than not steal because you might get caught and punished. I think the Ancient Greeks debated long and hard about this.

 

OK, digging out my old philosophy notes here:

 

The golden rule treat others as you want to be treated (almost every religion has some version of this idea

Kant's catagorical imperitive: I should never do anything unless I can honestly say I believe everyone else should always do the same thing.

 

OK, so enotalone people, gather up chairs, put on the coffee or pour the pints and discuss! This could go all night!