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What's it mean and What to do...


psipro
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Hello world, sorry i havn't been around in a whlie, but life has been good (till recently), and sadly busy.

 

Saturday my girlfriend told me she needed "time" to herself to determine who she is. We have been dating since late highscholl (pret much all my threads here are here).

 

Anyway we have been away for a month on various family vacatios and havn't seen eachother much during that time, however not that we are back at school we actually had time to see each other. Just being with her made me happier becasue i missed her so... Well we have always been together and spent much of our time together over the past 2.5 years. Saturday she told me, among other things, she needed time on her own to 'discover' herself becasue she was not confidient that she could take care of herself on her own. Essentially she told me she needed a break.

 

Another of our problems is that we are both our first really serious BF/GF.

 

This isn't the first time either, prior to this she had some spiritual issues, the jist was that she was worried that if she felt she needed to for her faith, she couldn't leave me (say if i was leading her astray). This resulted in us separating for only a week, however it still hurt me very badly. At the time i told myself i wouldn't do this with her again, that if she felt she needed time apart she could have it but i wouldn't wait for her. And this is what i told her this time as well.

 

I'm trying to get over her, but dang its hard. I'm having trouble sleeping at night because my mind wanders and thinks of the what ifs... etc...

 

I do not know what to expeect, of what to do. I truly do not want to get over her or give her up, or give up on her.

 

She always told me she wanted me to fight for her, but i cant fight against her... can I?

 

Any advice, or encouragment would be greatly apreciated.

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Usually when someone tells someone else they need to "discover" themselves, it means their interest in the relationship is waning... diminishing. It is a nice way of saying, "I'm bored with you and I want to see if the grass is greener somewhere else".

 

That doesn't mean they don't care; they just don't have the same interest.

 

My suggestion? This is a perfect situation where you engage in NC. Work on yourself. Work out, read books on relationships, flirt with other women, etc. Don't contact her for a minimum of 1 month. After that time, call her just to "catch up". Don't even mention the relationship. If she brings it up, fine. Just agree with what she has to say then move on. Keep your conversation short and pleasant. End it on your own accord (no more than 15 minutes). Then dissappear for another 3-5 days. After that, call her and see if she wants to meet for coffee, ice cream or lunch. Once again, don't mention the relationship. Be pleasant, funny, happy. Create positive impressions, not negative ones.

 

Now she might call you before the month is up. Just end the convo quickly. Tell her you've got an appointment. Let her know that you'll be in touch but don't say when.

 

By backing off, she will no longer feel pressured by you. That space you used to fill will now be empty. She will miss it. when the time is right, something will evoke a pleasant memory from the past. Go with it. Mention something like how happy that day was together. Then change the subject. She will be thinking about it.

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This is a perfect situation where you engage in NC.

 

Thank you for the advice. sounds hard to do, but i guess the best advice usually is.

 

A few problems/situations...

1) What dose NC stand for?

2) We shared a storage room to keep our stuff in over the past summer, when i cleared my stuff out she left a bag of her cold weather cloths in there and it is now sitting in my room as we no longer have the storage space. In about a month, or less, she will be needing them and currently she dosnt' know i have them.

3) We share some common clubs / intrests. I wouldn't be talking, or working, or even seeing her directly. However i manage some things for the club and she will have to be getting my e-mails and messages unless she leaves.

 

I guess i shuold also mention that this took place after a disucssion of, where do you see us in 2 years thing. She saw us as "a little more serious" and i saw us as a bit beyond that.

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