Hellllllp

[kimmie11479]

Ok, I’ve never done something like this before but it can’t hurt. I’m a 27 year old woman recently broken (a little over a month) up with my boyfriend of about two years. I left him but only for him to change or at least look at what he had before I was gone and do something about it. To be honest I think it was the biggest mistake that I have ever made. I literally have cried everyday since I have left and I called him to see if we could work it out and he said “he feels it’s the best for us right now”.

Now, I have been heart broken before but this takes the cake. I have never had a man not want me back. I have done all the things that are called for in a break up but I can’t stop this pain for the life of me. Plus I just don’t understand the “right now” part. Should I wait around for him or not? I can tell you that he has not called me since I have left and my girlfriend (which dates his twin and lives with him as well) tells me that my x just walks around like I’m at work or I never existed. What is that??????

Because of all this I can’t sleep, eat or do anything. There are times that I will lay in bed all day and cry. I have to force myself to get up and do things to get him off my mind and it never seems to help. He is always on my mind. What do I do???? I’m a mess!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have never been so weak before.

[puppy]

Welcome to enotalone,

 

Maybe you should take time off from contacting him, so that you clear your mind. Maybe then you should contact him and explain why you wanted to break up with him previously.

 

See what he's have to say and then make your decision. Is not easy to be in such position. Be strong!

[NJRon]

Sorry you had to come to ENA under such stressing circumstances.

 

First off... erase the "right now" from his comment. He is trying to leave a door open... but he doesn't know whether he wants to take it. If he's not willing to take it right now, since we live in the now, then he's not taking it... thus... ignore it.

 

Second... Why did you break up with him if you regret it. You say you have never had a guy not try to get you back. Does that mean you use brekaing up as a tool to get people to act the way you want them to act? It obviously hasn;t worked in your past relationships, otherwise you would still be with them. Breaking up is not a tool... it's an end.

 

Third... You haven't done all the things that are called for in a break up. All the things called for include No Contact, dealing with your grief, repairing yourself, digesting lessons learned and moving on to a relationship in the future that can be stronger.

 

It sounds to me that you left him because there was something about him/his actions that you didn't like. If that is the case, that is who he is. You broke up because you two were incompatible.

 

It sounds like you are more heart broken over the fact that he isn't trying to get you back. It is a blow to your self-esteem. I imagine his self-esteem was wounded when you left.

 

I understand it is painful... many of us have been through this. If there were issues with the relationship, that could be dealt with. If there were issues with *him* then all you can do is see if he changes.

 

It's your decision to wait or not. But don't take the "right now" into considerations.

[kimmie11479]

thank you for the advice. I have not spoken to him in over a week. How do you know how long is long enough to contact him?

[NJRon]

That varies. How long are you willing to wait? It may be helpful for you to create some timelines in *your* head. I think it is unrealistic to really believe that you will wait forever for him.

 

As for contacting him? I'd say, let him contact you. Give yourself a timeline and, if he doesn't contact you within that timeframe, make a determination on whether you want to wait or move on.

[kimmie11479]

some days i can deal with it and others (like today) i'm a mess.

[joyce1412]

i'm sorry to hear about that kimmie. no lecture from me, i think you realize your mistake in breaking it off and that's enough of a lesson right there.

 

however, if he really DOES feel that it's best for the two of you to be apart, you wouldn't have stayed together even if you had never called it off. if he's taken some time to reevaluate and has decided that he's better off, then you just have to realize that THIS is what's meant to be.

 

it sounds like the only alternative would have been you two staying together and your ex never taking the time to reflect that he really wasn't happy...and this wouldn't have been a solid, genuine relationship. i know ANY alternative sounds better than a breakup at this point, but it's really not.

 

remember the cheesy line--"if you love something, set it free. if it doesn't come back, it was NEVER YOURS TO BEGIN WITH."

 

i'm with njron, i think there really were good reasons you left. you would not have left if you were completely happy. you WILL find another man who makes you completely happy.

 

i'm sorry you're hurting and i hope for a better day for you tomorrow.

[kimmie11479]

God I wish this pain would just go away. I 've spend almost to days in my room. I have to get up and out. And I hate clubs and bars but it seems like that's all there is to do when your single. I just hate it. I don't want to meet anyone, I actually become upset when guys hit on me. What to do??????