she is starting college

[evidica]

I am the lucky one in this scenario in that my girlfriends college is only 20 mintues from work and home. When she graduated high school, she "moved in with me". What I mean by the quotes is that she was staying the night every night, but hadnt really moved all of her stuff in, but she was basically living with me. So anyhow, I loved it, I would come home from work and she was there and I would go to sleep with her and wake up to her. It was great.

 

Last week though, she moved in to her dorm and wanted to stay there all last week becuase she had practice every morning at 6:30. I wasnt at all upset or disappointed by this decision, it made sense. I had to go out of town Friday night and returned Saturday evening in hopes to hang with here. They had been doing all kinds of activites for Orientation during the day and she didnt want to leave and hang with me becuase she felt bad leaving since it was the first time that everyone in her dorm was actually there.

 

So I dealt with it and she ended up coming over yesterday to hang with me but had to leave for more Orientation stuff. What I am getting at here is does anyone know how long she is going to want to be at her dorm versus coming over to my apartment at any opportunity? My father suggested that I just not bother her by calling her and finding out what she is doing and wants to do and just let her call me. He said that if I do that she will eventually start to realize that I am not calling like I normally do and in turn start hanging out with me when she can.

 

The only thing I am worried about by doing that is that she may think something is wrong, like that I am seeing someone else or that I dont want to talk to her. I dont want to put her through that, so what do I do?

[RayKay]

If she would think you were cheating because you did not call as often...I would question some things about the relationship....

 

You can still call her, just let her have her time to meet new people and get used to her new college. Pressuring her about what is going on all the time will likely make her start thinking she can't have both college and you...and she will make a choice.

 

She probably won't come over to your place at "any opportunity" because she will also have her life over there, and that does not have to be a bad thing. But pressuring her will be.

 

You can't force someone to stay with you, but you can pressure them to a degree that it "forces them out". Be loving, supporting...don't put up with BS, but encourage her growth. She will be more likely to appreciate her great boyfriend.

 

Or, she may decide it's too much and she does not want to be with you anymore, but don't live in fear or that, or pressure her out of that fear. You just have to take it day by day.

[evidica]

I will do my best that is for sure. I dont wanna lose her because I am being selfish. I just love her so much, it was great having her with me every day. It is very hard to revert back to not seeing her every day or talking to her every morning, afternoon and night. I guess I just have to break the habit for now and wait for her first year to be up becuase she said she wants to move back in when she can get out of her dorm.

 

On that note, kinda off topic, when you enter a dorm for college, do you have to maintain residence there the entire year, or can you leave at semester?

[RayKay]

I will do my best that is for sure. I dont wanna lose her because I am being selfish. I just love her so much, it was great having her with me every day. It is very hard to revert back to not seeing her every day or talking to her every morning, afternoon and night. I guess I just have to break the habit for now and wait for her first year to be up becuase she said she wants to move back in when she can get out of her dorm.

 

On that note, kinda off topic, when you enter a dorm for college, do you have to maintain residence there the entire year, or can you leave at semester?

 

Well it works differently here, there is no requirement to live in a dorm for first year.

 

However, from what I have heard, in first year you are supposed to maintain your residence the entire year, unless you have special permission (ie there are some people whom go back to college and have families/children and that would just be strange making them live in dorms!).

[evidica]

she didnt have to live in the dorm, it was her choice. Matter of fact, she asked me what to do, if she should live with me or live in a dorm, before she decided to live in a dorm. I told her that logically, living in the dorm is smarter, I take that back now.