Not sure how to solve this one...

[highonyou]

Hey everyone

 

Got into a bit of a rough patch with my bf. For the last couple of weeks i've been feeling really neglected and actually got the courage to talk to him about it.

 

The thing is that he confessed to feeling stifled by me, we only really see each other at the weekends, but sort lived together for a month or two during exams at uni.

 

So im thinking that maybe he's just not getting over the whole crowded feeling he had when we temporarily lived in my flat, which is frustrating as its affecting how we communicate with each other now we are living back home over the summer.

 

We wont be seeing each other til well into September when next term starts, so why is he distancing himself from me now? We live very far apart and used to talk to each other about random things every other night. Now im lucky if its every other week.

 

Thanks

[RayKay]

Hmmm, do you have a good balance in your life of other interests and hobbies apart from each other?

 

If yes, I have to be honest, it is generally NOT a good thing when someone feels "stifled" by you. I mean, sure, if you both are agreeable to seeing each other rather casually it could be fine and there were no desires on either end for the relationship to be very long term, but in the long term well, most people hope the relationship will progress right? I guess personally if someone said they felt stifled and overwhelmed by so much "contact" I would right away know "well, I guess we are never getting married/living together then!" and probably feel that it was time to go our separate ways.

 

Sometimes people do become too dependent on one another though too, and having some space and doing your own separate things can help considerably, and it actually strengthens the commitment to each other, and appreciation of one another. This is why it is so important to have your own sense of self, and maintain your individuality in and out of a relationship.

 

Honestly, I wonder if he is easing his way out. Up to you what you want to do...you can give him the space and distance and see how he reacts when you aren't so available and are living your own life...or you can decide that maybe this relationship is not giving you what you need, and that maybe this man is not the one for you..and move on.

[highonyou]

I don't really think he's trying to break up with me, i think he genuinly feels a bit crowded since we have spent alot of time together under the same roof. It might just be due to him being an only child and comfortable with solitude and being with me so much is a bit overwhelming for him.

 

We've been together for 3 years now and its seems too trivial to throw it all away.

 

Perhaps taking a break from each other will do us some good, he's got plenty of space to think things through and quite a bit of time since uni doesnt start again for us til the end of September.

[Momene]

I think even time spent together shouldn't all be spent indoors. You need to go on walks, trips out, etc.

[highonyou]

i admit it!! i've become a hermit!!! my bad, but i just dont have the energy or motivation to go out much...

whenever i go out its with my bf and he normally gets bored by about midnight so we both leave...man, im a sheep too