i'm just confused and NEED advice in several areas

[SNER0812]

This is my first official post on this site but i've been reading around for a while.

 

I'd like to say that I am 16 turning 17 in just a few weeks, and at the moment I'm pretty open about being bi. I'm open the degree that all my friends that i'm close to know, and anyone who i've spoke to in reference to any kind of going out, hooking up, etc. knows. I've had a few guy relationships, (you know those silly things that most teenagers end up in) and one really serious girl relationship, with several (fine. alot) of female "hook ups". My mom has joked around about me being a lesbian, has seen me making out w/ my Ex girlfriend, and but i never told her about my sexuality nor has she asked.

 

After my last boyfriend (a little over a year ago) I have been pretty much done with guys in the sense that i haven't dated any guy since. Infact, there's only been maybe one or 2 guys that i've actually "liked" since then.

 

I'm a theater buff, and I'm not very girly...i still wear t-shirts from the little boy section...I guess I can be "labeled" (as much as i desppise labels) as a typical tom boy.

 

I've been working @ this Bingo Hall in my town and have been there since i was 13. Since I've been there, i've been working with this girl who just so happens to be a Lesbian, and very open about it. She dresses from head to toe in guy clothes, but is one of the most sensual and emotional people I know.

 

I guess you can say that i've looked up to her as I was growing up, but recently, all I want to do is be with her. She and I went to the Gay Pride Parade together, it was our first official outting that wasn't related to work. We flirted alot, just as we do at work, but while we were walking around she let me hold her hand -- when i let go she even grabbed my hand. Needless to say, after this experience I'm even more head over heels for her since she somewhat showed interest in me.

 

She and I spend many countless nights on the phone, and NONE of our conversations last shorter than 2 hours.

 

She declared herself as a lesbian when she was 17, and tells me i remind her very much of her self. Only problem is she tells me that after all the girls she's been with, she's positive I'm not bi, a lesbian, or anything other than straight. This upsets me, because I know that i'm VERY MUCH attracted to girls, lately it's been more than I am to guys.

 

She's 25. that's the other problem. the 9 year age difference.

 

She likes me, she told me she does, but she said she wont do anything sexual with me until i'm 18 (im not copmlaining) but she also said shes scared because to her "im straight"

 

I've always loved females and been attracted to them, my first intimate hook up was with a girl....

 

I'm just confused. I've been told I'm just looking up to her as a big sister figure, or, that my EX just tainted my outlook on guys, but.. I'm so into girls. I'm constantly told I'm undergoing a phase, but i seriously doubt it.

 

How do i talk to her and tell her that I'm positive about my orientation, and that I'm positive I'm attracted to her in so much more than a "big sister" way. How do I tell everyone that I'm truly attracted to girls and I'm sure its not a phase. How do I come out more w/o flaunting it, and having it define me? Should i forget about her completely considering theres a 9 year age difference. I'm SOO connfused and I just want advice from someone who's NOT trying to convince me i like boys more than girls....](*,)

[Mrocza]

Well, why are you going to let her tell you what you like and don't like. Frankly, if you think you are bi, you are. Nothing she says is going to change that and I don't understand why she keeps arguing your stated preference.

 

The age gap might be a bit much but age is just a number, sometimes. Go with the flow, see what happens. Do what feels right to you, not to prove something to others. People will see you for who you are.

[SNER0812]

thanks. I dont understand why she argues with me about it either, my cousin said maybe she likes me and doesn't want me to be anything but straight so it'll be easier to get over me being 9 years younger than she is..and her liking me?

[Deviant_Kate]

thanks. I dont understand why she argues with me about it either, my cousin said maybe she likes me and doesn't want me to be anything but straight so it'll be easier to get over me being 9 years younger than she is..and her liking me?

 

That's very possible. I'm only 22 and I couldn't even consider dating someone your age because (and believe me, I mean NO offense) at sixteen and seventeen, I felt pretty grown up, but I had a LOT of maturing to do still. It would be really difficult to be post-college aged and trying to live a "grown-up" life while trying to date someone who hasn't graduated from high school yet. Relationships (at least for the under 30 crowd) are much easier when the age difference is within 3 years or so. That said, it would be heartwrenching to have feelings for someone nine years younger because of the near certainty of failure if it were to turn into a relationship.

 

I don't have any actual advice to offer...just a little insight, I guess.

 

Good luck, SNER0812.

[lil_kaila]

I agree completely w/ deviant_kate!

[UT]

I can see how this is a problem. Considering what everyone else has said (and that I'm too lazy to repeate it) I think you should wait until you're 18. in the next two years you will mature a lot and the older you are, the less does the actual age difference have.

 

To let people know you're into girls? you ca just tell your mother. You can alway comment on some girl or tell them about who you like. it's not unusual that young people have little crushes on older people.

[Tigris]

You need to talk to her and explain exactly how you feel.

 

Let me know how it goes.

 

Good luck

[sportsbunny]

The next time you're alone with her, bring up the topic... If she calls you straight, plant the most passionate kiss ever on her. Ask her if that's how a heterosexual kisses. See what she says then. lol