Help Me!!!!!!!! Help Me!!!!!!!!

[NORALYN]

It’s been one week from now since the last time I talked to my ex. I can’t understand myself why I’m still longing for him even thought I know that there was a closure already coz he already had another GF and he dumped me twice. I tried to forget him and hate him. The more I tried to forget him the more I miss him. I followed those suggestion on NOT TO CONTACT him (HE NEVER TRY TO CONTACT ME ANYMORE) and heal myself. Sometimes I wanted to die to end this pain. Everyday is a hell for me. Everyday I cried for him and until now I’m still losing so much weight. Even If I watched TV I cried. Why I still miss him? Why my heart doesn’t cooperate with my mind? Why I still love the person who hurt me this much and doesn’t care for me anymore? WHY MY HEART CAN'T ACCEPT THE TRUTH THAT THE RELATIONSHIP HAS ALREADY ENDED AND HAD A CLOSURE ALREADY?

HELP ME!!!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!!!!

[friscodj]

For me, it becomes a mission, a challenge to prove myself, prove that I didn't fail, that I tried my best and truly "laid it all out there". My definition of "laying it all out there" has been to go back, take beatings, and keep going back for more.

 

Some people are driven to succeed, their self-esteem unable to accept their mistakes especially when tied to the heart, and are afraid of grief, lonliness, letting go (READ: giving up), and the unknown...

[Starfall]

Try to remember that you may not be mourning him... but that you are mourning "what you hoped he would "be" and what your relationship "could have, should have been." I promise it does get better. Take care of yourself, I was in your shoes once.. Just wanted to die... lost so much weight, family started to worry.. I did the wrong thing, but it did help me and that was dating someone else. Just having a reason to get out of the house and get my mind off him was good. I didn't let anything get serious and made that clear, but it did help. Embrace your friends and keep busy.. and for heaven's sakes....... Do not listen to sad music. I would do this curled up in bed to torture myself... I don't know. It will get better... trust me. Write a long letter and get all your emotions out. Talk about the pain you feel and what his actions did to you. Then throw it away. You might feel better. Good luck to you and hope you feel better soon.

[need2bme]

Starfire: I think you are correct, but she may be mourning what she did not do, as well. I know I do.

 

Noralynn: I can only tell you that I am sory that you have to go through this. I can also say that I feel the same grief. I feel the same what it and I CANNOT let go yet. Part of my does NOT WANT to even let go yet. They keep writing to me on these boards that it will take a long time to even start to heal. They tell me it will come and I have to believe somewhere that God let this happen for a reason.

[brickchamp]

Noralynn...I feel the same way you do. I thought I was better, but the past two days have been pure hell for me, crying and crying. I feel like I'll never get over him. It's been three weeks for me, and mine has never contacted me either, nor have I him. But I think about him constantly. Nothing can get my mind off him. You're not unusual. I also understand the wanting to die part. I sleep all the time these days to block out the pain. Just try to take it day by day. I have good days and bad...hopefully soon, there will be more good than bad for you and for me. I am so sorry for your pain.

[NORALYN]

Thanks friscodj and starfall for the message. Your are right need2bme that GOD let this things happen to me for a reason. Only GOD knows when my heart completely heal. I done all the advices that were suggested to me. Letting go of the person we truly love is the most difficult thing to do even if they hurted us. Sometimes there are days I can go on with our him but most days I see myself crying and missing him a lot. Last night my ex texted me and he asked me if I still feel the pain of what happen to our relationship and he also told me I have to forget the pain. He done it coz his now happy with his current GF and he doesn't even know what things I done just to let go of the pain. Sometimes I asked myself did he really love me before or just using me? If you really love the person it takes months or even years to replace her or him right? But he falls in love with another girl even if were still together that time.

 

Brickchamp were almost the same…..

[kadvati79]

You're ex is rebounding and whatever you are going through will be twice as bad for him later.

 

Accept the fact you hurt. Accept that you still love him. Just don't act on it. Act on yourself. Get out there, get into the gym, go shopping with your friends... do whatever you have to do to keep yourself out of his way and out of clear reminders of him. Yes, I know that for the next month or so - literally everything you do will remind you of him. But eventually that will start to fade.

 

If you want to stay up all night and ponder the relationship, what went wrong, did he love you etc.... then fine, do it. Ideally with a friend you trust. If you want to stay up all night and cry, do that too - you've earned the right. Don't beat yourself up and force yourself to feel a certain way. Your feelings will come AFTER your actions. So change your actions first.

 

One step at a time, come on here and post whenever you need it.

[serenity25]

Listen to icemoto- he's brilliant.

 

Sweetheart, it's so close to your breakup so it's completely natural to feel that way. So many of us have some of those feelings even long after the break up. Just remember that you will get through this and that you are never alone. You have the people in your life that love you and you have all of us here- any time you need to vent. Use this painful experience to grow and improve yourself. I know it's difficult but try to focus on what the future might have in store for you rather than what you lost. The saying people on here tend to like is, "Rejection is God's Protection." I've found that to be very true.

 

We can't always understand why something is happening at the time- it feels devasting, like our lives are over or not worth living any longer. I promise you that with time you will look back and feel thankful that he did you this favor, because you will have moved on with someone absolutely wonderful. There is much better out there and he didn't ever deserve you.

 

Anyone who could get into a relationship that fast... well, trust me, it won't last. It may seem like he is so in love now, but true love takes time and commitment. The honeymoon phase will end and he will be left alone- missing you, but the goal is to be so confident and happy by that point that you won't blink an eye.

[kadvati79]

Believe me, if you put the hard yards in now. If you keep true to yourself, you stay honest, and you work hard - you come out of this all a much better person. Honestly, I couldn't comprehend five months ago how I would EVER recover from my breakup. I was inconsolable. I was traumatised. I couldn't even go an hour without crying. I would try a course of action for a while, and if it worked, I would keep going, if it didn't I tried something else... reminds me of a phrase:

 

"I scratch my head when it itches and I don't dance unless theres music playin"

 

I just did what I needed to in order to make it through to the next day. Sometimes that meant taking steps back, getting sad again, contacting my ex etc... Well, it was all a journey. But I did it ALONE. I surrounded myself with friends, and embraced life even though I thought life stank. And for months, I carried on. Pretending I wanted to live, even though I wanted to douse myself in petrol and crash my motorbike into a retaining wall.

 

And you know what? I have met a lovely guy, about a million times better than my ex ever was. In the few dates I have been on, I have had more fun than I could ever imagined. Thats your prize if you get through this...

 

...an enriched life

[NORALYN]

Thanks for the encouragement.. All of you had pass this trials and one day I will pass this too….What I've been through right now is a trial and I know GOD will help me to be strong just like what GOD had done for all of you before. If my ex is happy with his current GF and he never think how I feel, then now I should put my life into a right direction... Letting go of the person I love most is so painful and sometimes the pain is hard to bare. All of you are right that I'm the only one that can help my life now and with God's help and protection... Your right serenity25 I should use this painful experience to grow and to improve myself. GOD think of a long term but I think of a short term so this painful experience that I've thought right now keeps my mind and my heart suffered. I think of him a lot not myself so I never had a strength to let him go totally. I feel I was rejected so I lost my self worth. …The man that I love rejected me twice. Now he never showed he cares for me anymore. What he really wants now is to be happy with his current GF. He even said to me he does not want his GF to cry. He wants their relationship to last long.

 

Icemotoboy your right I force myself to do the things just to forget him so I end up confuse and feel devastating. I never take an action one step at a time so here I am going back to the 1st thing of mending a broken heart.

 

 

I will try hard to ease the pain and to put my life back to normal. The life that I have before I meet him.

 

All of you said my ex is not worthy….All of you said that time will come I will forget all this pain and will move on. This pain that I feel now is temporary and with God's help someday I will be happy…..

 

I will still keep posting on this website until I will totally heal…..

[friscodj]

Posts like this make you great man...amen to this...=D>

[serenity25]

It's really ignorant for him to have said he doesn't want his new girlfriend to cry. Although if he could treat you this way, it's most likely just a matter of time before he does the very same thing to her. These patterns continue in most cases.

 

I know it's incredibly hard to think of the long term benefits when you just want relief now! Just take it one day at a time. Don't overwhelm yourself with thinking of how you're going to get through this month or next month- you just have today to think about right now. Then tomorrow only think about tomorrow, etc. Try to stay as busy as possible even when you don't feel like socializing because I found that even if I felt miserable at the time, being around people at least made time pass and kept me from insanity.

 

Repeat this phrase to yourself when you feel down, "There isn't a thing I'm going to do today that God and I cannot handle together." (and of course your ENA friends will help too!)