3 year itch instead of 7?

[hurtingrl]

Hi I have been reading a lot of posts and it seems like there are tons of "my gf/bf of 3 years....".....

 

Does anyone have any thoughts on why this seems to be such a popular break-up time?

[TheRock]

Not sure, but you are right. That does seem to be a critical time. Interesting.

[nicorette]

it does seem to be a popular break up time. im not exactly sure why, but these are my thoughts:

-bored, or tired of the person

-wants to have new experiences

-knows they cant commit to marriage with the person, but were too cowardly to break it off earlier

-knows they wont have a real future with the person

[nottoogreen]

I have had three failures around seven years, one recovered for the time being.

 

Perhaps life is faster today?

[nicorette]

i believe that after 3 years, if the future (as in marriage, or common law, or anything liek that) doesnt come up, thats a sign that itll end.

[darklich14]

nicorette is on target. That's the only thing I could think of with my ex. And I felt that way too. I never could bring it up with her and I always just felt like "yeahhhh, I guess I could marry her if nothing better comes along." It's weird though. I've been talking to this one girl lately, for about 2 months before I asked her if we should spend more time together before she went off for like 3 months in the summer. It's been a month and a half-ish since she left, and we've talked and emailed somewhat, and been kinda lovey-dovey. But the thing I noticed almost right off was that I started recognizing things about her that I could really truly love that could contribute to a successful marriage. She's inexperienced, but I'm patient, and I don't know where it's going, but I've started much more optimistically this time than I did with my first girl, who lasted three and a half years! Read my sig!

[hurtingrl]

So dark,

 

How did you break up with your 3.5 year gf? I'm assuming it would be too harsh to say, "yes you are not the one so I am done"

 

Is that where the "I need to find myself" or "I'm not in love with you anymore" conversations come from?

 

There is no good way to tell someone that you don't think you could marry them ever I guess....

[darklich14]

It was "I need space," "You're smothering me," "I'm not getting what I want out of this relationship," "I hate you and wish I'd never met you," "I don't know what the future holds for us." Plenty of immaturity and selfishness that really makes you wonder how it could have lasted that long in the first place. In my case, it didn't really anyway beacuse we'd broken up and gotten back together a few times before this (mostly her breaking up with me).

 

But the real signal is the lack of feeling you express... If you don't think it's right, then it's going to show and sooner or later, they're going to catch on, and it might even be unspoken, this conclusion.

 

You're right though, there is no good way to tell someone you don't think they're the one you should marry. Most breakups boil down to some form of selfishness or another. Unfortunate, but true : (