Any Help would be appreciated!!

[finsjm]

Ok - here it goes. I was hurt 3 1/2 years ago - I mean BAD!!! My ex kept me on the 'I don't know' leash even through couples counseling only to find out a year and 1/2 into it that there was someone else. Needless to say I was hurt and did not want to date.

 

2 months ago I met the man of my dreams. Really - he was! I have been so picky that I know he was - well - still is. Anyone he fell for me - HARD!!! He lives in CA but his family is in CT, 10 mins up the road from me. We talked for 2 weeks and he flew home to meet me. We fell fast. I knew (and still know) he is the one. He felt the same way.

 

2 weeks into the relationship I lost my beloved cat. It put me into a huge depression. I told him I would not call him because I did not want to depress him., but he insisted! We usually talked a minimum of 5 hours a day. Also - he has a best friend who is female who is crazy about him, and although he was 100% honest with me from the beginning it still caused a bit of tension, especially considering my past.

 

Well - I went to CA to see him last week. The night before I left he proposed on the phone!!! When I went out there - all we did was argue. He became distant and cold - not like himself. By time I left he switched things around and said he didn't know how he felt. I was and still am confused!! I talked to him when I got home Sunday and said that I felt we were at a point we could not come back from. He said to give it time.

 

I didn't call all Monday and by Tues. afternoon called him. He still didn't know. I admit I pushed and finally he said he wanted to break up. That being single was better than being in a relationship and he was not ready. Seceral people including my therapist have said that he was scared and give him space and time to miss me - he will come around. He is coming home in June - a month from now. He contacted mt friend because her grandfather passed away - which really surprised me. He wanted to stay in touch with me but I was the one who said no. I feel this is the only way he can truly know what he wants - is to miss me.

 

I feel like I am dying inside. I never fell for someone so quick and he felt the same way. Then he just turned away. Any advice anyone?? I miss him so much and want him back, so in my mind the space and no contact (at least for a few weeks) is the best thing I can do for that. Please help!!

[AwdreeHpburn]

I'm sorry things got so yucky. Sounds to me too like maybe he panicked.

 

I guess I'm for honesty. Playing weird "I'm gonna back away til you miss me" games seems sort of weird, to me.

 

I mean, I get the giving him space thing. If that's what he's asked for. But if he calls you, I don't think there's anything wrong with just telling him straight up what you want and need from him.

 

I wouldn't harp on it or make him define his feelings EVERY time you talk, but putting out there what it is exactly that you want and need and letting him decide for himself is my recommendation.

 

Assert yourself, put the ball in his court and plan for the possibilites of where the ball could go when he hits back to you.

[finsjm]

I agree. I hate the game! And yes, I want him back, so if he contacts or calls I want to talk to him, not judge or be mean. I love him and if he did panic and get scared (please God please) then I hope he realizes and contacts me. Either way he has something of mine and is coming home in a month, so I'll have to get it from him. Who knows - please keep your fingers crossed and thanks for the advice

[AwdreeHpburn]