uncomfortable when person to person...

[bleeding_heart18]

If i happened to be just slightly interested in a person, I get uncomfortable....

 

yes we will talk and have an okay conversation, but I get really uncomfortable when making eye contact, when listening to him

talk, I don't know where to look so i look around lol.

 

I'm just really bad at eye contact, plus it feels like when Im talking

to a person that they are studying my face and my flaws.

 

I'm thinking this is the main reason why I get such an uncomfort when

conversing with somebody I like.

 

If i can get any insight/suggestions on how to overcome this

I will love you foreeeverr!!!

[GNR4ever]

i'm like this too, sometimes. even with my boyfriend occasionally.

i dont like the feeling of people looking at me for any extended period of time, because like you i'm afraid they'll notice flaws about me.

the best thing you can do, i think, is make sure that YOU are happy with your appearance before you leave the house in the morning. not saying you have to be stunningly beautiful, not that many people are, but look well put-together, have clean hair and teeth, etc. if you feel good about the way you look, you'll automatically project more confidence and look more attractive to those around you. try to find little things you can use to boost your self-confidence, even a special piece of jewellery that you love to wear or something.

also what helped me a bit was to buy one of those little flip-open mirrors, the ones about the size of a post-it, and carry that around in my bag. if ive just been walking around on a slightly windy day and im a bit worried about, say, my hair being a mess, i can reassure myself that i look fine.

it works for me at any rate. maybe you could try it.

good luck, and after all he's likely to be thinking about your conversation more than just your face.

[Markers]

when he's talking, you should be looking at his face, because that's very attractive. It shows that you listen to what he says, that you pay attention. It really sucks to talk to someone who's multitasking, doing homework, writing a book and texting her mom.. or someone who's just looking at walls or something (which gives the message: I'm bored and I'm looking for a way out of this conversation cos that guy just sucks).

 

So it sucks if you're uncomfortable doing that. First of all, if a guy pays close attention by looking your face when you talk, take it as a good sign. He could do like so many other guys - look around and not you, but he choses to look at you so it's probably not because he sees a lot of flaws.. so relax, if a guy avoids looking at you, now that could be a bad sign for many reason, but if guy does look at you like that, it's gotta be good stuff.

 

So relax, be happy about your looks and the fact you have guys who pay attention, and you could just practice too. Talk to a lot of people, when you've done it enough, you start feeling more and more comfortable.

[bleeding_heart18]

Some just get me nervous, I guess. Even if they have a girlfriend.

Umm and looking at their face, what do you mean by that?

 

Some that

I talk to look at me, but others like a friend in my last hour stares intensiley,when he knows that it makes me uncomfortable, so I just look down and try to pay no mind that he is staring, but then again, I can't help but laugh and look away quickly.

[Markers]

well this is something I learned some time ago: you should look at the triangle of their eyes and nose when they're talking. People tend to think you listen and pay attention if you do that while they're talking. I've found that to work very well for me: it shows that I'm interested in what they think and say, and people usually are flattered by that. Of course you shouldn't stare like this but you know, look at people into eye if you just can. Oh and I read of a study where men and women were made to look at eachother into eye for some minutes (no talk) and after that they found eachother more interesting than before.

 

What you say about your friend making you feel uncomfortable is something you gotta keep in mind. While most people are flattered by eye contact like that, some find it uncomfortable. If you notice that someone is not responding well to your eye contact (by looking down, looking uncomfortable), you maybe should avoid too intense eye contact. Do not stare obviously. I'm sure you know the difference between eye contact and staring

 

Oh and how could you feel more comfortable making eye contact? just practice, make eye contact and hold it for a bit. You find that you don't die to it and sooner or later it won't be a problem anymore.

[bleeding_heart18]

I tried that and keep getting nervous and squinty lol...

 

Its embarrassing....

 

do you know of any other tecniques!!

Thanks bunchess

[Markers]

 

 

can you specify what makes you feel uncomfortable, other than the belief that they're looking for flaws in your face? That would make it easier to help you.

 

They're not looking for flaws by the way, they look at you because they think you're pretty enough to be looked. Try to think of that..

 

Oh and don't get discouraged if you failed, just try again. It's fine to be yourself, so don't worry if people around look at you while you do crazy things like get hysterical panic attack because you got sooo uncomfortable

[AwdreeHpburn]

This may be a more serious self esteem issue than any of us here are prepared to advise on.

 

You sound more uncomfortable with yourself than with anyone else and certainly more uncomfortable with yourself than they are with you.

 

I suggest some therapy to work on your self image.

[bleeding_heart18]

i dont get squiny squint to the point where im not making any sourtof eye contact, its more like I can't figure out how to not make it obvious that i am looking at the triangle of there eyes and nose lol..sorry guys

[Markers]

ok just forget the triangle. Just look at them to face.. why not, they look at you to face so why couldn't you look at them? If you look at me into eye when I talk, I don't think like "what's she doing??", I think: "she pays attention, cool!" If you constantly avoid eye contact, I might start thinking "maybe she isn't that interested"..

 

Also when the guys you're interested in look at you, take it as a good sign. If I'm interested in a girl, I will do this eye contact thing. If I'm not interested, I probably won't bother unless I have some other reason to be interested in what she says (like if I'm trying to make her lend me money or something \\

 

Just keep practicing, when you talk to someone, look at that person into eye. When you get uncomfortable, look away and as soon as possible, look at that person into eye again. Then repeat.. the anxiety will go away in time. Relax, it's okay to be yourself and to practice social skills like that.. if you get uncomfortable in the process, it's not bad. I bet everyone's had to practice that stuff at some point of their life.

[DvlsAdvc8]

I understand this to be a submissive trait. Just smile and make glances at him if you can't 'continually' look at him... and try to keep your head up. The objective is to give him indication that you are happy to see him and talk to him. I've dated many girls who had a hard time with this sort of thing... and the only indication I need from them is that they like talking to me. Doesn't matter how much they look at me. One girl would repeatedly run her hand through her hair... which guys also tend to like (at least I do). Touching one's hair is an indication that one is aware of one's appearance, which generally is only when they're trying to impress the opposite sex. For me, its a natural indicator... plus, I like to see flowy hair

 

You can even play it all up in a cute vulnerable kind of way. Hits all of our protective buttons.

[bleeding_heart18]

It gets uncomfortable but I get it...practice makes perfect!

[bleeding_heart18]

Keeping my head up can be pretty nerve wrecking sometimes, I even do that with my bestfriends...I touch my hair on a regular basis anyway, lol

my speech teacher hates it. Flowy hair, I can make my hair flowy, but

latley I have been straightening it...

 

My only question and also a concern of mine is...when you are flirting, is there a limit, are there gestures you do that can turn a male off??

What are things that you should do and things that you should avoid doing?

[Markers]

hey, I was joking about the money thing haha. I really wouldn't flirt to gain money or something.. but then again there is people who do that so you be careful that you're not being played.

 

What comes turn offs, you shouldn't worry about that. Obviously don't pick your nose or scratch your @ss or something If your flirting gets too s**ty, it might be a problem but I don't think you could even go that far as you're still pretty uncomfortable in just talking.

 

oh, tilt your head!

 

check what I wrote here:

 

If you're walking side by side you could tilt your head and look at him from corner of your eye, it works like magic, trust me. It's cute and exciting.

[bleeding_heart18]

Corner of your eye, yikes sounds hard to do..lol Thank y ou for the amazing advice...

 

So there is no right or wrong thing to say verbally that will turn him off?

 

Just today my Bestfriend told the guy in class that she is interested in

that she is up for anything...And he didn't even look happy, he looked kind of distant after that...?

 

Do you think that was the wrong thing to say?

[Markers]

well the guy just didn't like your friend, that's all it was. If a girl I liked would come and say that "hey I'm interested in you.. and hey we could do something if you're free" I'd be just happy and set up a date. For some people saying that might mean "lack of challenge" and could be a small turn off but guys like that are usually players and saying no to a decent guy will not result in him rejecting you (unless you say it like "My Life Will End Without You" and make a huuuuge drama out of it. Just say it and keep it relatively light..)

[bleeding_heart18]

well the guy just didn't like your friend, that's all it was. If a girl I liked would come and say that "hey I'm interested in you.. and hey we could do something if you're free" I'd be just happy and set up a date. For some people saying that might mean "lack of challenge" and could be a small turn off but guys like that are usually players and saying no to a decent guy will not result in him rejecting you (unless you say it like "My Life Will End Without You" and make a huuuuge drama out of it. Just say it and keep it relatively light..)

 

Thats sad and un fortunete...you know, her putting herself out there

and him, not responding in the right light!