How to Control Emotions

[midnight_orchid]

I have this bad habit of shutting the world out when someone does or says something I don't like. It can be the littlest thing, but I blow it out of proportion if it's something I don't like.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm too uptight and I don't know how to just let things go.

I've lost a lot of good friends this way.

How do I get a hold of my emotions and stop pushing people away? How do I just let the (what seems like to normal people) insignificant things go?

[Dako]

Take a deep breath. Ask yourself what you'd want a friend to do in your situation. Clam up and withdraw or deal with it and keep going without sacrificing everything over a small matter?

 

Sometime friends do things you don't like, just as you do things that bother them. That's normal.

[Emotional_Kisses]

I am just like that, so i can relate to you well.

 

I have also lost a lot of friends because of being stubborn and uptight.

 

My best advice is to just "let it all go over your head" i.e. try not to worry about the little things in life. You will need your friends in the future, believe me. So don't let the little things get to you or annoy you.

 

I bet they can feel pretty annoyed with you on some occasions. But at the end of the day, they love you who you are because you're their friend. Don't let the little things bother you, because you will run into much bigger problems in your life when you will actually need to worry!

[tylercdurden2004]

A great book to read if you havent already is Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman.

[midnight_orchid]

Yeah, it's easier said than done especially if this is how I've responded to things for most of my life. How do you change the behavior? I would love to just let go, but what kind of steps do I make? Sometimes I do let go, but it still nags me on the inside.

I see how my behavior is affecting the people I'm close to and I don't like the way I affect them. I want to change for them and to become a better me.

 

I guess it's positive in that I recognize it's a problem, now how do I go about solving this?

Like if someone does something I don't like, how do I stop myself from clamming up? How do I just let it go and be the happy person I normally am?

[Dako]

Why do you clam up?

Fear of confrontation or hurting others?

Must be something.

[tylercdurden2004]

A great book to read if you havent already is Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman.

 

I would really suggest reading this book. You can pick it up at any Borders, Chapters, Waterstones. It very insightful and is not some airy fairy cr**. Gives a good idea of how the mind works and why people behave the way they do.

[midnight_orchid]

Why do you clam up?

Fear of confrontation or hurting others?

Must be something.

 

I wish I knew... maybe it's because I'm not used to telling people how I feel? I've taken psychology classes and there's always the issue of nature vs nurture. I've felt that maybe because my family and I aren't very confrontational and don't tell each other how we feel that that's how I've learned to deal with things.

[Dako]

Whatever the cause, you might try calmly expressing yourself.

I used to clam up because when stressed, I'd either go over the top or I stutter. I found people responded to reason better than silence or someone g-g-going b-b-ballistic.