Having trouble moving on

[moosarm]

Hey everyone,

 

I guess you can read my other posts but hell, here I go again.

 

I'm having tons of trouble moving on after being broken up for about 8 months with a girl I had a relationship with for about 4 years total. By coincidence we were in a class at univ. together, and I made sure to have NC during the three months or so, but I'm not too sure whether it's SEEING HER that has held me back from moving on or what. Since we broke up, we probably haven't gone a solid month without seeing eachother in some capacity, and I think my only resolution will be to go this summer vacation a solid 4 months in her absense, do you think that'll help? Any other tips? thanks

[blender]

Yes, it will help. I can not imagine having to see my ex while I was trying to heal after the break up, it would have "held me back" from healing... You will get through this, it hurts like hell, believe me I know, but no contact is the BEST way to get through it, and an even better way is to NOT have to run into them or see them.... just know that this is all happening for a reason and that in time you will know "why" and it will all be so clear and you will be happy... feel your heartache, let it go through the stages of denial, anger, acceptance, and then the healing, and soon you will be wondering why you felt so deeply about it all.. I promise you this. Just know that it's okay to be "sad" for awhile and for our hearts to hurt, after all this is just a sign of the POTENTIAL you have to "love" and that it will be returned by the right girl at the right time, this is just a "stepping stone" in your life, learn from it, and have the class and strength to "trust fate" and know that all is as it should be right in this moment for a reason...and the best is yet to come for you.... breathe, relax and know that life is a so much bigger than this moment... everything is as it should be even when it hurts like hell... this is all about the OPPORTUNITY heartache presents for us to "grow" "learn" and become the best version of ourselves so when the "RIGHT" person comes along we are so "ready" for them...

[bobo85]

I absolultely think that the 4 months apart with NC will help you move on. The first step of moving on is to accepting that the relationship is over. Know that the girl you fell in love with is dead. Well she's not really dead but she did change. She is not the same person anymore and you aren't either. Now that you accepted that the relationship is over you should take some time and work on yourself. That just doesn't mean going to the gym, spoil yourself, but really try to improve yourself. Learn something new..take up a new hobby. Actually what really helped me was a journal. I wrote down all my personal thoughts in there including how i'm REALLY feeling, what i thought about, what went wrong in the relationship, what where the mistakes each of you made, how to make your next relationship better, basically anything that your feeling and need to get off your chest.

 

Also try to keep busy so that you can keep your mind of your ex. I know my family and friends helped me through it. I kept ranting on and on about my ex for the first week of the breakup. I know they were sick and tired of it...but they knew it made me feel better so they listened and gave me responses. After a few weeks i bought every single person that listened to my problems a little gift. It wasn't much but i truly appreciated them for understanding me.

 

good luck and know that you will be okay.

[moosarm]

Thank you both a million for your replies.

 

It's definitely tough but I suppose a decent time away from her will help. I will be backpacking Europe with two close friends this summer for a month, as well as other long-term projects that should be fun. Hope it helps!

 

Another thing I was thinking of was what another friend said about confronting the issues, rather than hiding. As in, expose myself to what she's up to and doing so that I can make my skin tougher so I don't hide in denial.

 

I'd rather not - I'd rather be NC. Out of sight, out of mind. But how do you guys actually physically ACCEPT that it's over?